nephew in foster care

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

I wish I had found this thread before, as I posted on relationships about the situation, but, understandably didn't get much of a response.

Perhaps you can help?

My BIL lost contact with his 3 children about 7 years ago due to a catalogue of unreasonable behaviour on the part of his ex
(eg he was beaten up by her new partner,she consistently refused to let him have the children, smashed the phones he had given them etc He had had regular contact for the first 3 years post divorce,and has always paid CSA)

long story short, my nephew now 15 (and the youngest, other sibs over 18)made contact with me on facebook last week, and via a phone call told me he wanted to get in touch with his dad and then the big shock, that he had been in FC for 18 months.

BIL called him the next day and spoke to FM who said he was alovely lad and then spoke to his son
BIL has arranged to meet the SW soon to find out what has been going on.
SW is happy for BIL to continue with phone contact.

I have told him in very strong terms to put the past difficulties with the mother behind him and look only for his son's best interests, but as we have no experience of chilrens' services any guidance would be incredibly helpful.

BTW BIL has no background of substance abuse or violence and is in full time work. He is single.At the time of the divorce he was granted joint custody ( I think)

Any advice very gratefully accepted.Thanks

I'm sorry to hear about this situation.

I think your BIL should just take this one step at a time - meeting the Sw will be very helpful and perhaps he will be able to arrange face to face contact with his son. Then they can see how that goes.

Is he planning to get back in contact with his other children?

I am wondering why Ss didn't contact him earlier...........

Thanks Kristina
this is the really big question, because whilst he has moved around a lot,he has always paid CSA deducted at source and has lived in the same county , and his exes family knew how to find him ( sort of work colleagues/small community)

When he spoke to the fm she said something like 'well you're back on the scene now'
which is an understandable comment,but suggest that his ex had been 'economical with the truth'

I had also made internet contact with my adult niece about 2 years ago and she knew all my contact details. Admittedly our contacts 'dried up'after about 6 months, but I put this down to young adults getting on with their lives,partying, working etc
I wish I had persisted.

BTW he had initiated contact with the eldest, but she cut this short.
maybe stuff going on with little brother, thinking about the timing.
I also suspect she had been in care as she was living in her own rented flat whilst still at 6th form college.
She is now back with Mum, according to facebook.
(I have decided not to contact her at this stage,to find out what's been going on, as it may be counter productive.)

i expect you will find that there are a lot of untruths floating about in this situation

you have no idea what his ex has told the kids or SS

i think you are wise not to contact your niece at this stage and let you BIL meet with the SW. if she tells her mother is might stir up trouble, let the SW tell her in time

its perfectly possible that his son is very happy and settled in foster care and just wants to meet up with his dad

Kristina
I think you are right
I am definately telling BIL to keep his son's best interests at the forefront, and to rebuild a fractured relationship, by regular social contact.
Also he has not actually parented for many years, especially a teenager.

IMO he is very lucky to be given a second chance, as my FIL,who i never met, died when all his children were young adults/teenagers