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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

I would like to hear your experinces please.

30 replies

Nessarose · 07/05/2010 14:54

Hi My DH and I have started the ball rolling for fostering and we would like to hear your experinces and tips please.

OP posts:
dolphin13 · 07/05/2010 21:08

Hi ness I've been a fc for 6 years. We take age 0 to 18 and we love it. What sort of stuff did you want to know.

EarthMotherImNot · 08/05/2010 07:56

Hi Nessa, we've been fostering forever well 23 years this July but it seems like forever.

As dolphin says pitch in, what would you like to know?

purple12 · 09/05/2010 11:29

We've been fostering for just over a year and feel very new to it! It's been a massive learning curve. We were approved for 5-11 and have a 12 year old with us now (she was 11 when she came!).
So any questions for a much less experienced foster carer, i can try to field

Original poster
Nessarose · 10/05/2010 11:23

Hi all sorry i've not been back been busy.

How long does the approval stage take? the people who are dealing with us say its could take up to 2 yrs, it seems so long.

There is a bit of doubt over the age range that we go for as of our DCs age, what does this mean for us?

Thanks

OP posts:
EarthMotherImNot · 10/05/2010 11:33

Our approval took 6 months from start to finish but, obviously, that was many moons ago.

I believe they generally expect fc's to be younger than your dc's but I'm not sure.

dolphin13 · 10/05/2010 13:02

Our approval took 12 months. We were originally approved to take 1 child aged 6-8. Our son was 4 at the time. However due to lack of carers we very quickly found ourselves with 3 childen. Since then we have always had 3 of varying ages.
How old ae you dcs ness.

dolphin13 · 10/05/2010 13:20

Our approval took 12 months. We were originally approved to take 1 child aged 6-8. Our son was 4 at the time. However due to lack of carers we very quickly found ourselves with 3 childen. Since then we have always had 3 of varying ages.
How old are your dcs ness.

dolphin13 · 10/05/2010 13:21

oops sorry

Original poster
Nessarose · 10/05/2010 14:04

Our DCs are 10, 7 and 19 months.
we did ask for age 8 upwards, as we were told that they are the hardest to place.

OP posts:
carrieboo75 · 10/05/2010 14:06

We have been foster carrers for just 7 months. The process was supposed to take 3 months but our agency manager had a heart attack so they were very stretched and it took a year in the end. However we got our first placement within a month. (P.S. the manager is fighting fit now, great guy )

We have 3 ds's 8,6 and 4. We were approved for girls ages 5-16, not under 5 as we have an attic bedroom, (although this will be reviewed later on) and only girls as it was felt it would cause less competition with the boys.

Our first placement was 16 when she arrived and soon had a birthday so approval was changed to 5-18.

It is a very steep learning curve but it is worth it in so many ways. We are just in the process of moving fd on and looking at our next placement a) because she was due to move by 18 and b) because the placement has become unmanageable (she has fallen in with a bad group).

It has been decided next time we will be taking in someone much younger as the large age gap has caused problems, such as lack of sleep for us (i.e. little ones up early, teenager up all night, us up all the time!).

Doing it with little ones has not really been a problem and they remain largely unaffected/oblivious to the trouble fd is getting herself into. I mean they know about it but it is all an adventure for them rather than a worry. Job wise it fits in brilliantly around the kids school hours, as most meetings, training is done in school hours and if they are sick they come with me. It has also been great at getting my sluggish brain working again, yet still allowing me to be at home with my boys. We should of done it sooner!

MrsHiggins · 11/05/2010 06:35

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MrsHiggins · 11/05/2010 06:37

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carrieboo75 · 11/05/2010 17:36

Thanks for that MrsHiggins

This is not a decision taken lightly and you couldn't possibly realise what is going on here. There really is only so much foster carers can do but if the yp insists on scaling up the trouble rather than taking the advice of all around there comes a point when you have to put your own family first particularly when there are little ones in the house.

I don't suppose that you would of insisted the foster family kept the boy who raped their children would you?

MrsHiggins · 12/05/2010 17:34

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EarthMotherImNot · 12/05/2010 17:48

I'm afraid my instinct is to agree with carrie here.

We have had a couple of placement breakdowns and neither decision was made lightly or without a great deal of thought and heart searching.

When it gets to the point that each day is just something you all struggle through and the joy in life is slowly sucked away, it is time to call it quits.

morethanyoubargainfor · 12/05/2010 17:56

we have been approved for 13 months now, and can't exactly say we have had alot of expiernce. .

We are approved for boys 2-7 years old. we are currently waiting to get the go ahead on a permenant placement adn we are very excited about him. I just hope it all pays off for us. Our ds is 7 and he loves the fact we are fc.

\our approval took exactly one year.

Nymphadora · 12/05/2010 18:01

Are you looking for short or long term placements. If you are looking for long term in my area they fast track you if you have potential for a specific child.

Make sure you don't take on too much as well as it leads to more placements breaking down. It's common here to regularly be asked to extend your registration.

Minnerva · 13/05/2010 10:27

Dear Nessarose

Our fostering process took 10months from start to finish-it is very thorough and a bit invasive but it wasn't the horror story that I feared-not for us anyhow.

We are fostering with a LA which we chose very carefully before proceeding as some LA have a bad reputation and we wanted to make sure that we would have a good support around us if we needed it.Training for us came in the form of two evenings per weekfor 4 weeks and was reasonably comprehensive.

We had our first placement after about 6 weeks( 8 year old girl) which in the end only lasted for one night and we have been fostering a newborn baby for the last week.

My sons are fairly grown up now (21,19 and 14) and only two still live at home so it hasn't affected them greatly.

Having only been approved at the end of Feb,we are still recent additions to the fostering network -I don't work so being approved for babies was something that I felt was right for us as a family.Although I am knackered at the moment I feel quite fulfilled and am enjoying looking after the little one-it was definitely the right decision for me.

Lotsofchooks · 16/05/2010 11:56

We have been approved since November last year with our LA for 2 x 0 - 5, but only 2 if they were siblings.

It didn't work out like that, about 10 days after approval we had a 6 day old baby girl placed with us, who we still have and along the way we had another newborn (very hard work, 2 at the same time) for 4.5 wks whilst a FC was approved and a 6 month old for a few days for repsite which having them both together was too bad.

We haven't had a full cycle where a fosling has gone back to Mum/adoption, so will be interesting to see what that is like.

It cetainly was a quick learning curve intially having to meet Mum at the discharge meeting at the hospital who was understandably very upset and then the physical and mental rigeurs of having to take a new born baby to contact 5 mornings a week and getting involved with Mum etc

But all in all we have learnt loads about the system (still lots we need to experience yet though!), tremendous things about ourselves and our DC's (19, 16 & 8) have really surprised us in the positive and caring way that they have reacted to our fosling......though she is a cutie pie!

Lotsofchooks · 16/05/2010 12:00

Should say having the 6mth and our FC together WASN'T too bad!

Missus84 · 16/05/2010 12:07

How much space do you need to be able to foster? Is it ok to have your own children share a bedroom in order to have a spare bedroom, or does every child need their own room?

sumum · 16/05/2010 15:16

Hi just to add good luck in your approval.

I have been a foster carer for almost 20years and have seen many changes.

It does become your whole life and I have also brought up two dd of my own and am bringing up my ds alongside fostering. For me it works really well and I think all my birth children have benifited.

Letting the children go is really hard - and no it does not get easier the more you do it, it still hurts.
But you do the best you can for each child and thats all anyone expects.

I have done most ages 0-12 and many many babies.

Yes missus foster children do need their own room unless they are ame sex sibs, or babies, but they cannot share with birth children. Which can be a problem going on holiday or visiting relatives for example. Ofcourse your own children can share with each other or you so that is what we do on holiday.

It is a way of life that is hard to explain to people who don't foster, it is full of highs annd lows, requires endless patience and plenty of love but for us its what we do, simple.

Missus84 · 16/05/2010 15:26

So if you have two birth children and a 3 bed house, your own children could share and you could have a spare room for a foster child?

sumum · 16/05/2010 15:49

That would work fine for my local authority Missus, but they would need to know you are not comprimising your birth children, for example asking a teenage boy to share with a younger sister. Also babies can share with carers untill they are two and they often move on before then if you take them from birth.

dolphin13 · 16/05/2010 16:16

When we started fostering 6 years ago our first placement shared a room with our son. Ds was 4 and fc was 6 but the fc had such complex needs it didn't work out.

LA were happy for us to room share but we quickly realised it wasn't fair and our ds needed his own space. Sharing your family with childen who often have extremely complex needs isn't easy for any child. Room sharing is not something I would reccomend.