Sorry I posted and ran. Being the weekend I has lots of prying eyes around. I didn't give info as was worried about saying anything that would identify this placement. I am really hoping that tings have lifted today and we can now move forward.
We have a very difficult placement (enough to be at the top of everyones priority list, regularly recieve 3+ ss sw calls a day not to mention all the other calls etc.) It has been a stand off situation in the last 3/4 weeks, we have reached the end of available consequences for behaviour. We are expected to hold firm as previous very long term cares could not and so YP has not learn't she can not always have her own way/people will not always run around after her. This week she had taken to finding me to pick a fight, shout at me, laugh at me, goad me etc. all infront of my young children. Despite having remained firm through out everythig she dealt us there was no sign of her backing down and it was looking like it was just going to carry on getting more and more misserable for every one. It felt like it was no longer a healthy environment that would benefit anyone and yet if we did back down yet again she would of had it confirmed that she could control everyone . Thank goodness today it looks like we may have turned a coner , she has come to me and appologised 'for being so horrible' and we have hugged and chatted and laughed for the first time in weeks. We have been told over and over that we are doing a fantastic job so I know we have been doing the right things along the way. But I am also aware that sometimes there does come a point when it is not in anyones best interest to keep plugging. It was so hard working out at what point you switch from keep trying we'll get through this to no it is going too far. Even though I made the decision to call it quits come Monday, I hoped and hoped that it would change by then or they would talk me out of it etc. and yet I couldn't face anymore at the same time. I still don't know how I could of made that final call come crunch time.
I am so relieved there is now a chink of light and we can keep going. I am worried it will be short lived and we will find ourselves back there though.
Thanks everyone for your responses, even though it has answered it's self for now I would still like to explore the question if you don't mind as I am still not sure of how you know it is the right thing to do. While the things that have been said where exactly how we felt there was still a deffinate tug of shall we try just one more day etc. but I don't know if that was good or just our stubornness!
dejavu - I am pretty sure the SW's would not of thought badly of us as it is a very trying placement but we certainly would of thought bad of ourselves and I have no doubt that any one new would of.
Attilla - she did not want to be with us and did want to move and was doing everything she can to break it but sws thought it was not in her best interest to do so as she had no firm reasons for wanting to move. It was thought that it is a control issue and as she can't control us she does not want to stay.
Nymph - living skills are one of the issues. Learning them was one of the main reasons for moving here but when it came to actually doing them she mainly refused.