Apologies for the double posting, but thought I'd be best posting this in both special needs and in foster care topics as it kind of covers both areas. Also sorry if I ramble a bit, will answer any questions that come up for further info!
Long story, but basics are that my 15 year old brother is ASD (autistic spectrum). He lives with my Mum, who is a single parent, works really hard, but struggles with him. She has said many times before that she has had enough and cant cope any more, but recently she said it and meant it. She called the mental health Dr who they deal with and told him that she couldnt cope any longer and wanted him to speak to social services about getting my brother taken in to care. They constantly argue. My brother is often aggressive and threatening with her and shouts/swears at her. He thinks that she hates him.
I always said that I'd take him in rather than him going into care, but my Mum was not that keen on that idea before.
The mental health Dr though convinced my Mum to give it a go sending him to stay with me. He is very experienced in this area and said that its quite a common thing for young teenagers with ASD to get their emotional difficulties and frustrations tangled up in their relationship with their main carer and a break will do them both a world of good. This Dr is also a foster carer and says that a load of ASD teens come into foster care for exactly this reason.
Apparently research in this area has shown that a break of at least 4 weeks from each other can break this cycle of arguments and bad relationship and help the ASD teen to realise that their emotional difficulties are causing a lot of the problem and not the carer.
Research shows that there will be an initial 'honeymoon period' when he will just think he's on holiday and enjoy the time away, but then reality will hit him and he will start to miss his friends/groups/home and will start thinking things through.
So, my brother came to stay with me last weekend. His Dr has signed him off school for the month under 'urgent medical necessity' and they are sending work on to me for him to do.
Today I think it has hit him that he will be here for at least another 3 weeks. I had a long chat with him today and also one a few nights ago about the whole thing.
Still no breakthrough though. During our talk today he insisted that there was 'nothing to sort out' and that he was just sitting out these few weeks until he could go home, when he would then stay out all day after school with his friends and just sleep at home avoiding talking to Mum. I've told him that she wont accept him home under those circumstances and that if he doesnt make an effort to sort things out then he wont be going back. He does sea cadets and kayaking and really misses them so am trying to use those as a way of making him want to sort things out.
So far I've suggested he phones Mum and talks things through. He has refused. She texts him and has called here, but he talks briefly and then jus passes the phone to me. I've suggested that he writes a letter telling her how he feels but he's refused that too, saying 'theres no point, she wont listen, nothing will change'
Not sure where to go next or what to suggest really. Torn between keeping on talking to him and reminding him that no action means no going home or just leaving things and talking if and when he wants to.
I'm going to phone his school tomorrow and speak to his SN teacher about it. I'm going to ask them to send more work as I think he's getting a little bored, plus I will have to ask about whether he can transfer sitting some of his exams to a school near me as if he stays more than 4 weeks he could end up missing some exams (he's year 10, so will be doing GCSEs next year).
Any foster carers who have been through anything similar?
Anyone with similar SN experience?
Any advice from anyone much appreciated!!!