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Fostering

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Original poster

So sad for this mum!

14 replies

Flower3554 · 01/09/2008 15:56

I went to a meeting today with the parents of the lo I'm caring for, they are being assessed to see if, this time around, they have made enough progress to be able to care for lo themselves.

They have had frequent contact for up to 5 hours at a time at their home for weeks now.

When asked at the meeting why she kept a hold of baby, or dad did for almost the entire time, mum answered, she was scared baby wouldn't love her otherwise

I think she understands that lo needs to be put on the floor sometimes now, but why oh why hasn't the sw stepped in before now

OP posts:

solo · 02/09/2008 02:14

That's really, really sad...sounds like they need Parent Craft classes.

Lazycow · 08/09/2008 10:12

tbh I think her instincts are good on this one. Her reasoning may be a bit skewed as her baby will undoubtably love her anyway but holding the baby a lot will help with attachment. If she has spent a lot of time appart from her baby then holding the baby a lot seems a good idea to me.

juuule · 18/09/2008 14:48

Why does the baby need to be put on the floor sometimes now? How old is the baby?

TheProvincialLady · 18/09/2008 14:55

Yes, why? I held my DS almost constantly.

Original poster

Flower3554 · 18/09/2008 15:08

She is nine months old.

How will she learn to explore, learn to crawl etc if she is held for up to 5 hours of a 12 hour day?

OP posts:

TheProvincialLady · 18/09/2008 15:12

Fair enough, though I would say that your average 9 month old will let you know quite strongly when they have had enough of the cuddles and want to do something different

PrettyCandles · 18/09/2008 15:13

Surely it depends on whether the baby is asking to be put down?

I've no idea how many hours I have carried dd and ds2, even after they could walk, purely because they wanted to be carried or because it felt right (or because they were upset). And I'm not an attachment parenter, who carry their babies even more. Yet my babies, and AP babies, develop well.

juuule · 18/09/2008 15:18

My dd1 in particular wanted carrying everywhere. She still managed to bum shuffle, walk, etc. Ime children soon let you know when they don't want to be carried. They squirm and fight to get down. Just as the ones who want carrying let you know by doing things like grabbing your legs and not letting you move.
If this mum/dad want to carry their baby and the baby is happy to be carried then I can't really see what the problem is. Surely if they've been apart and seperated for any length of time then the closeness must help.

Original poster

Flower3554 · 18/09/2008 15:20

The baby was becoming very frustrated, wriggling, crying etc but her parents still held on.

I can understand how they would want to keep her close, but ss supervise these sessions and have never stepped in even when lo was becoming upset.

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 18/09/2008 17:59

Maybe ss don't see it as their job to teach the parents, but merely to observe? I see what you're getting at, though.

Coldtits · 23/12/2008 13:56

Perhaps she is only hanging on like grim death to the baby for fear 'they' would think she was neglecting the baby otherwise.

When people don't have a clear idea of "how to" they can sometimes try far too hard, especially when they are aware they are being judged.

And I do feel ever so sad for her, maybe she thinks this is how you do it? That you never ever put them down even when they really want to be put down?

And to be honest, if my 9 month old was being cared for by some deemed by 'them' to be more competent, I would be terrified baby wouldn't love me too.

You are right, she should have had a bit more help with what to do, it might have led to less interference in the long run.

stitch · 23/12/2008 14:30

friends of ours are both doctors. he is a gp, and she consultant something or the other in thenhs . they both woul d sit holding thier lo's for ever. once spent the entire evneing holding thier lo's in my house. a good three hours at least. their kids are fine, and aer now well adjusted six and sevenyear old girls.

OHBollox · 28/12/2008 00:26

Just goes to show doesn't it, doctors are allowed to hold their children and poor people are shit parents for doing the same :-( SS in this country haven't a fucking clue.

N1 · 31/12/2008 11:30

You might find that the mother of the baby wants to feel as close to her baby as she can for as long as she can. As soon as the child snatchers enter the picture, the children hardly ever come home.

Put yourself in the mother (of the baby)'s position and imagine not seeing your baby for ever. The 5 hours you get to spend with the baby pales when considering a life time.

Social workers don't help parents because the ones working in child protection want perspective adopters to be happy.

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