any advice welcome

[piglet72]

We have been approved since Dec and have had out first placement for 3ish months. Feeling a little out of my depth to be honest. Our little one is 7 and shouts and screems lots and just does not seem to like us much at all really.
Just when we think we are getting somewhere....bamb
We do not have children of our own, so, not only are we getting use to fostering we are getting use to sharing our lives.
It would be nice to know how others felt in thier first few months.
Thanks
Piglet

Hi piglet, I think everyone feels like this from time to time, I know I do and I've been fostering almost 21 years.

Our first placement will now be a 21 year old young man he was 8 months when we got him.

Your little one is probably relaxed enough with you by now to test you out. The first few weeks with a placement are often hunky dory then wam out of nowhere the testing out begins.

All you can do is keep calm and don't worry.

A social worker said to me once when we were having a tough time "imagine how you'd feel if you suddenly found yourself in totally new surroundings without any control or say in what happens to you"

The child stayed for 18 months and was a joy to care for after the first few months.

We're just over three months into an adoptive placement (we also have no kids of our own) and yes it can be really tough at times. Previously we were respite foster carers and I was shocked at how diffrent full time is in comparison.

The traumatic experiences of their early lives does affect children and is reflected in their behaviour. Often they will push to see if you stil care even when they are bad. It will calm down again, but in the meantime, jsut remember this is because he is starting to feel safe and secure.

What support are you getting from your link worker? If you enjoy (and have time) I can recommend some excellent books which help you to understand and provide strategies to deal with the difficult behaviour.

Hope you find a way throug that works for all of you

Bop

Thanks Flower and mummy for your replies. Although we know the theory behind his behaviour, it is kinda nice to know we are not alone.
This is such a massive learning curve and sometimes we forget that we are human and cannot be perfect all the time.
Our link worker is very good, but sometime we feel like we are always moaning and don?t want to bother her!
Any book that offers strategies are more than welcome. We really want to do our best for him, and offer him that positive environment that he does not seem to have had up to now.
Thanks again guys.
Piglet

A few book recommendations:

My favourite:
New Families, Old Scripts: A Guide to the Language of Trauma and Attachment in Adoptive Families
Caroline Archer and Christine Gordon

Two others that are good:
How to Talk so that Kids Will Listen and Listen so that Kids Will Talk
Faber & Mazlish
Piccadilly Press (UK) 1999

First steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts
Caroline Archer
Jessica Kingsley Publishers for Adoption UK
JKP 1999

One I've just been recommended and am waiting to arrive - looks good.
Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening love in deeply troubled children
Daniel Hughes
Rowman and Littlefield 1999

Good luck
Bop