2 teenage boys and physically and mentally exhausted

[Theirishwan]

I’ve been fostering for 15 years now and for the past 2 years just doing respite for 2 siblings eoweekend. I’ve been telling my SW that due to high bp that I cannot due full time. 7 weeks ago I was asked to take 2 siblings 13&14 and as I knew them I agreed. I am now feeling emotionally and physically exhausted but love having them. Problem is that I also work full time in the school they are in so also don’t get a minute to myself.

Teens are hard work and always hungry too. I foster 2 teens too OP one 16 and one 19 with SEN's moved over to Shard Lives placement. I'm often tired. I have a cleaner twice a week and a gardener once each week to help me keep on track. Could you ask for some respite. I'm allocated 5 -6 weeks a year but can take it in 2-3 days at a time if I want to.

It sounds like you felt pressured to say yes to this placement. Is that why you said yes when your bp was high? Working ft in a school is exhausting enough!

You are doing a wonderful thing for these joys but they can be very self-centred at those ages. Do they help you around the house at all?

What do you need from this thread Op? Strength to tell your sw that it’s all too much?

You don’t need to feel guilty at putting your own health first. After all, if your bp is high and you become ill, you can’t help anyone anyway. And better to take preventative action than it become a health emergency.

Or do you want suggestions to lessen the load? Can you afford any more help? Or could the boys go from you to somewhere else eow so you get a break? Can you lessen your hours at school? If you seek respite, if any is available, it sounds like it needs to be on a long-term basis.

Hope you can find a solution 💐.

Time to be honest with your fostering social worker and ask how they can support you. If the boys are a short term placement then maybe (with some support )you can manage for now but if the plan is to stay long term with you, you need to decide if this is actually doable.
Your good health is paramount. Foster carers often let heart rule their head and that’s not always for the better.

Fostering is a fulltime job. School is a fulltime job. An expectation that you can do both indefinitely is completely unreasonable. As above, can you reduce your hours and also get some help at home? A professional doing 2-4 hours cleaning a week sometimes gets through what a normal person does in 1-2 days, because they’re experts and they’re not getting distracted constantly.