Single child

[Lsgandhi]

I have one child with neurodivergence . I feel it would be beneficial for him to have a sibling to take care of . My wife doesn’t want to go through another pregnancy but is open to adoption . I have no experience of this. Where can we get somevadvice? Thanks

You don't look at having another child (adopted or otherwise) to fill the role of a pet for your current child!

This.
The dynamic here is unsettling.

I know what it takes to look after a child and we would love to welcome another child into our family

Please elaborate

We want a sibling for our sim. What is wrong with that ?

Because your current child and the other child might hate each other. And you will need to be 100% committed to them for the rest of your life, even if that makes all of your lives harder rather than easier. At the moment you sound the same as someone saying that they've grown daffodils before and could grow a pot plant.

there must be a thorough adoption process to assess suitability of the would be parents and that should take into account any other dynamics.
i am just asking where can we start and get sone advice . It may not be the right thing for us or otherwise .

There is. And a very basic Google search will provide lots of details.

Hi @Lsgandhi

You need to contact your local
council. They will probably have an online form that you fill in which they will process and possibly call you for a chat or invite you to an information session. If you both feel it is right for you they will assign you a social
worker and you will start the assessment process.

Thanks. That is all I was looking for. Best wishes

I think that advisors might worry that this is something you want for the benefit of your existing child. They would want you to be focused on what you can do for the adopted child. They would wonder what happens if the adopted child has needs that are challenging too

So I would think about what you want from this and how you explain it before contacting them. Hope everything goes well for your family.

Thanks. The welfare of the adopted child is of course paramount. I will definitely dwell on the points that have been raised before contacting the council.

@Lsgandhi

You would probably be best asking for this to be moved to the adoption board.

I am an adopter and foster parent.
Your initial comment about wanting a sibling for your existing child to care for does alarm me.
Having an adopted child is nothing like having a second birth child.
You need to understand why children are in the care system. You need to do your research about trauma, FASD, developmental trauma.
Most adopted children have some level of additional needs, some are extremely complex and you probably won't find out how complex till you get them home.
Could you cope with a second child with additional needs.
You would be questioned very thoroughly about your motivations to adopt and any suggestion that its for the benefit of your existing child will see you being shown the door.

Why did you choose to be an adopter ?

Adopter here. Yes, start with local authority. Do some reading up. Talk to people on the adopters board.

The key thing you need to understand is that adoption has changed over the last generation or so. It's no longer about adopting a healthy baby soon after birth. Most children are adopted while toddlers, or later, and have been deeply affected by alcohol, drugs, mental health, violence or a combination. They will need intensive, therapeutic parenting.

It will be hard to combine this with parenting another child (I know, I've done it) and the adoption agency will want to be sure your current child will not divert resources from the adopted child. I had assumed it would be a bonus to have prior parenting experience, but they usually prefer adopters with no other children or only much older children.

Im not meaning to put you off, just to be clear that this path is hard. Im not sorry I did it, I love both my kids to bits, but being an adoptive parent turned out to be twice as hard as I was expecting. At least.

Oh my god 🫠🫠🤣🤣🤣

@Lsgandhi

My reasons for adopting are not the issue.

My life has been totally turned upside down since adopting my son. His "issues" (for want of a better/more appropriate word) have increased significantly since he came home 3 years ago at almost 4. A person and our pets have had to leave our home in the last year, I'm currently on a career break due to his extra needs and the toll they've taken on my mental and physical health and support can be difficult to get.

Have the last 3 and a half years been the most difficult time I've been through? Yes
Do I love him? Yes
Would i do it all again for him? Definitely

Adoption is the best thing i've done BUT it is not easy. I don't think any amount of research and training could have prepared me for adopting my child.

Children needing adoption and fostering often have many issues. They would need to be your main focus.