Hi everyone,
My husband (44) and I (45) have been talking about fostering for many years , even before we were married and had our two children, now 13 (14 this year) and 11 (12 next year). This is the first time that we have come into a time where it might be possible to begin the process, but we don’t want to do so without proper research and talking to current foster carers, so here I am!
I have a career in academic research, completing a PhD and undertaking fieldwork abroad with children (mostly teenagers). My husband works in secondary education. I recently finished a contract role and instead of immediately applying for something else, we are both now wondering if now is the right time to take the leap into fostering.
We have attended information meetings with our local trust and have our first screening call booked for Friday. At the information meetings, the trust suggested we consider fostering children from newborn to KS1 to fit with our family dynamic. At the moment, we live in a 3-bed home – my husband and I share, and our children have their own rooms – so any placement would need to be under 2 at this stage. We actively looked at moving into a bigger home simply because we want to foster, but to get a new home in our budget we would have to move from a fairly quiet, suburban area to a much more built up and busy one, which we don’t think is right for the family. We would also be moving as my son enters into his GCSE options and GCSE study year, and my daughter starts secondary education - all the work needed to really settle in to a house, for them to feel used to it as well as to make sure it is ready for foster children is a lot to handle, and we are undecided on whether to make improvements to our current home or to sell up once my children are much older and move somewhere bigger.
Financially, we are mortgage-free and own our home outright. My husband’s credit and finances are in good shape. I entered into a debt management plan during Covid, when I had to pause work, but it will be off my record next year. At present my husband provides the lion’s share of the household income. We’re frugal and things can feel a little tight, but I imagine that’s the same for many families in similar situations. Saying that, we want to start at the right time for both any prospective child and for our own children.
We have pets (cats and a rescue dog). The dog has never lived with babies or toddlers – we got him when our children were 9 and 11 – so we’re thinking carefully about how this would work as he can be frightened.
I’ve recently entered peri-menopause and am still adjusting HRT levels, so I’m mindful about managing my energy and wellbeing alongside the demands of caring for young children.
I’d be so grateful for advice from experienced carers or those who’ve been in a similar position:
- Given our current space and set-up, would you advise starting now with under-2s/KS1, or waiting until we can offer more space/age ranges?
- Would you foster now, or wait until your own children are a little older?
- Is it better to start with the local authority or with an independent fostering agency? I really rate our LA, so I want to go with them, but would really like wider perspectives.
- How did you balance work and fostering, especially with younger children?
- If you’ve fostered alongside raising your own children, what helped you prepare them for the change?
- Any tips for introducing a foster child to existing pets, particularly a dog with no prior baby/toddler experience?
Any insights, especially honest pros and cons, would be so appreciated, and we aren’t afraid of the hard questions and opinions! If we have to wait a little bit longer to foster, we are happy to do that if it works best for our children and any new children coming into our home.
Thank you!