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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Advice on assessment

4 replies

PeppyAquaCat · 29/07/2025 22:38

Going towards panel and had a dispute about my eldest son. I have not told him who his father is, as I received a letter from the father advising he did not want to know him, due to being in and out of prison and being too young. He has had a did, since he was 3 months old and this is all he knows. Also he has special needs. He is now in his 30s, and I am still positive I made the correct decision. The agency have flagged this as a major concern and have asked us to withdraw. Will all fostering agencies view this the same way?

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 30/07/2025 07:19

That sounds very odd. I sit on fostering panels and I am certain that wouldn't have been an issue for us. We might have discussed it at panel but in the end been happy with your decision. It really wouldn't affect your ability to care for children. What agency are you using? Have you tried your LA?

Doingmybest12 · 12/08/2025 19:40

Does he think his step dad is his biological dad. Has he got capacity to understand this? I imagine it's more about how you view this now, whether you understand the complexities around this, how do they know you are an honest person in other areas of your life, can you see that another way of managing might have been better or have a different outcome. Have you found it easy to not be truthful to your child due to special needs , what does this mean about attitudes generally. Were you just purely saying you did the right thing no ifs buts or maybes? That's how I'd see it anyway. I'd try and have a further conversation about this from a different slant. Its about your honesty and understanding about identity and rights of children to know who they are.

Original poster
PeppyAquaCat · 12/08/2025 22:58

Doingmybest12 · 12/08/2025 19:40

Does he think his step dad is his biological dad. Has he got capacity to understand this? I imagine it's more about how you view this now, whether you understand the complexities around this, how do they know you are an honest person in other areas of your life, can you see that another way of managing might have been better or have a different outcome. Have you found it easy to not be truthful to your child due to special needs , what does this mean about attitudes generally. Were you just purely saying you did the right thing no ifs buts or maybes? That's how I'd see it anyway. I'd try and have a further conversation about this from a different slant. Its about your honesty and understanding about identity and rights of children to know who they are.

Thanks for your input. He does think his dad is his biological dad, and to consider telling him now is totally out of the question, Which was one option they gave us! There is no doubt it was the right thing to do, and still is the right thing now. In regards to identity, how would it benefit anyone to be told the person you think is your dad is not your dad, but your biological dad does not want anything to do with you. This would not be a good situation for anyone at any age, let alone the learning delay he has. That would cause more identity issues than not knowing.

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 13/08/2025 06:23

I guess then your response is the reason why they feel they can't continue. For it to continue you need to have a better understanding around identity and understand more about the reasons children need to know who they are and the truth about that. If that's not something you take on board then the outcome will be not to proceed. I'm sure you have got lots of skills and parenting experience but the assessment is broader than that.

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