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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Helping a 16 year old

8 replies

GladGreenLurker · 11/03/2025 18:04

Good evening,

I wanted some advice. In September, my daughter (17) became friends with a lovely 16 year old girl who's being fostered (let's call her T). As the year went by, we learnt more about T, and apparently she doesn't like her foster parents, and is now going to move out to a place of her own (is lodging the right term?) closer to us (not to be closer to us, it's just a coincidence). The family where she's renting the room is apparently very nice and all that. My question is: I'm obviously not involved in her care at all, I've only met her twice, but they're very good friends with my daughter and she seems really nice. Is it ok to have her over from time to time? Like a sleepover or something ? What are the "rights" that she has (she'll turn 17 soon)? And also, I've learned a bit about her personal situation, and I wish I could help, I just don't know what to do, where to start etc. Is it alright to offer my help? I don't want to do something wrong and overstep, but I do wish to know her more, I worry about her. Any advice? Thank you.

OP posts:
cheapskatemum · 11/03/2025 18:22

I'm assuming she has a social worker. Communicating with the social worker would probably be necessary before she could spend the night at yours. I support younger people in care and if they stay overnight at friend's house, the friend's parents need to have clear DBS checks.

Original poster
GladGreenLurker · 11/03/2025 19:09

cheapskatemum · 11/03/2025 18:22

I'm assuming she has a social worker. Communicating with the social worker would probably be necessary before she could spend the night at yours. I support younger people in care and if they stay overnight at friend's house, the friend's parents need to have clear DBS checks.

Ah yes, that's helpful, thank you.

OP posts:
chambawamba · 12/03/2025 07:36

You don't need to be DBS checked for her to stay over.

However, it would need to be approved beforehand by her foster carer. You will need
to give your details to the foster carer who will then pass them on to the social worker who will do a police check.

Bear in mind that it's very normal for some foster children to say they don't like their foster carers as they want to be returned to their birth families.

cheapskatemum · 12/03/2025 07:44

Ah, thanks for the correction @chambawamba. It's not a situation I have to deal with often at work as the young people are on the autism spectrum and struggle to make friends!

I hope all goes well, OP.

chambawamba · 12/03/2025 07:49

cheapskatemum · 12/03/2025 07:44

Ah, thanks for the correction @chambawamba. It's not a situation I have to deal with often at work as the young people are on the autism spectrum and struggle to make friends!

I hope all goes well, OP.

No problem.

Yes it's not an official DBS check as such, as they realise this isn't practical and limits what the foster children can do.

However, social workers will quickly run their names and address through the system to ensure nothing is flagged.

Original poster
GladGreenLurker · 12/03/2025 08:56

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 12/03/2025 09:07

Just because there as much as you can, have her round for dinner, send an 'extra' portion home with her, invite her to come on family days out, if you're able to.

If she's living independently maybe show her how to do things like laundry and self care. As much as you feel comfortable with. It's possible that nobody has ever shown her this stuff and care-experienced young people can really struggle with the move to independence as they don't have the family back-up that other kids there age do.

Sometimes care-experienced people can really appreciate someone being there for them that isn't being paid to do it.

Original poster
GladGreenLurker · 12/03/2025 15:02

TartanMammy · 12/03/2025 09:07

Just because there as much as you can, have her round for dinner, send an 'extra' portion home with her, invite her to come on family days out, if you're able to.

If she's living independently maybe show her how to do things like laundry and self care. As much as you feel comfortable with. It's possible that nobody has ever shown her this stuff and care-experienced young people can really struggle with the move to independence as they don't have the family back-up that other kids there age do.

Sometimes care-experienced people can really appreciate someone being there for them that isn't being paid to do it.

Thank you, I will have a think on how I can go about it, and if I think she could do with some guidance, I will offer.

OP posts:
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