Becoming a Foster Mum!

[GoldlyLady]

Hi everyone,
I'm in the process of applying to become a Foster Mum, and I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through the journey. It’s a 6-month vetting process with training courses – bring it on!
If you’ve fostered before, do you have any practical tips or advice? Anything you wish you knew before starting? Also, any self-care tips for staying grounded during the process?
I’m so excited about creating a safe, stable, loving, and creative home where children can truly flourish. 🎨📖🌿
Also, I’d love ideas for fun activities for children at home or local recommendations in or near Southend-on-Sea – like the Seafront, museums/galleries, Belfairs, or anywhere else you love? I’m passionate about art, culture, creativity, food, and nature (including horses, butterflies, birds sheep and cows), so anything in those areas would be amazing!
Looking forward to your wisdom and recommendations. Thank you!

Hi there,

It’s so lovely to hear how excited and thoughtful you are about fostering – it sounds like you’re creating exactly the kind of home where children can really thrive.

I’ve been through the fostering approval process myself, and while it was a while ago now, a few things still really stand out to me that might be helpful as you go through it.

Firstly – don’t be afraid to ask for time. The process can be intense at times, and it’s absolutely okay to say, “Let me come back to you on that.” You’re making big decisions, and it’s important to give yourself space to reflect rather than feeling rushed.

Also, be prepared for some surprisingly personal questions – I remember being asked what I’d do if I got divorced, which really threw me at the time (especially as I was/am very happily married!). It’s part of the process, but it can catch you off guard a bit.

And a funny thing happens after all that deep reflection and scrutiny – you can find yourself oversharing in everyday life, because you’ve got so used to telling your whole life story to your social worker! You’re not alone if that happens.

Once you’re approved, try to stay clear on your own boundaries. It’s really tempting to say yes to every child who needs a home, especially when you’ve waited so long to get to that point. But being honest with yourself about what you can offer – and whether a placement is the right match – is so important for everyone’s wellbeing.

It’s also worth being clear early on about what support your agency offers. Some are incredibly hands-on and responsive, others a bit more hands-off – and knowing how supported you’ll feel once a child is in placement makes a big difference.

There’s a helpful article here called ‘5 Things You Need to Know Before Starting Your Fostering Journey’ which sums up a lot of this really well – you’ll find it (and other bits that might be useful along the way) here: https://www.stepbystepfostering.co.uk/news-and-blogs/

Wishing you all the very best with the journey – you're going to make a wonderful difference.

Thanks for your insightful and encouarging post. I hadn't thought of boundaries in that way but those are great points. I'll read the article too.

For local activities there’s a great nature trail for children of all ages at Hadleigh park. There is also the rare breeds farm 😀

things to know -
it's hard! The children are damaged, sometimes just by being aken from all they know, without any abuse or neglect. Some children will be badly affected. You need time, patience and a very thick skin

The professionals don't always see you as a peer

You will need to stand up for yourself and any children you care for

You could find that the parents to cause many issues to you (I've had my safety threatened a few times)

BUT! I love what I do. I enjoy helping and loving all the children I have had the priviledge to care for. I have even enjoyed moving them on - even though it breaks my heart every time

Please consider going with your LA for fostering, agencies cost the LA so much more money and they often profit from these vunerable children/young people. All children go through the LA first so you also won't have empty rooms for long

Very much agree with all this. I fostered many years ago and it's emotionally brutal. Most children will want to be with their family, however unsafe they may have been with them. It may take ages for them to trust you. There is no need to schedule a full on entertainment schedule just clean clothes, clean room, good food and being a good listener will do for starters. What age will you have op?

Do insist on respite. It is an extremely hard job and you will need a break.