Becoming a foster carer

[AlpacaSoul]

Hi all, my first time posting anything so I just thought I'd say hi and get a feel for the community somewhat.

I'm currently going through the process of becoming an approved foster carer, with my panel taking place at the end of May. I'll be leaving my currently job role (career break initially) to do this. It's going to be a huge challenge, and I'm sure I won't appreciate how huge this challenge will be until I'm in the thick of it, but I feel this is an incredible step for me. I'm looking to foster two siblings, aged around 6-7 years old and would pursue this as a long-term arrangement.

I'd love to know what "essentials" you've discovered through your parenting journeys, whether it's an activity, app that changed your life, a product, anything!

I'm very open to talking about my experiences too, so please feel free to ask me anything and I'll do what I can to answer any questions.

The A&F podcast is excellent.

Hi @AlpacaSoul
I'm 18 months into being a foster carer so relatively new. However I'm also an adopter so had lots of adopter/FC friends.
The first thing I'd say is that whilst it's fine to have broad age ranges don't be too prescriptive. One of my friends just has babies and toddlers. I'm 11+.
But you can only foster the children that need fostering at that time. The more presprictive you are, the longer you wait for a placement.
And you just never know how things will pan out.
My current fosterling came as an emergency for the weekend, he's still here 5 months later. He's a bit younger than my 'ideal' but I'd been 4 months without a child and he needed somewhere to sleep that night.
He's a lovely boy underneath it all but he's also very complex and as much as I'd like him to stay, I'm just not the right person for him. So he will have to move on.
You sound like a single carer? It's incredibly hard going it alone, particularly with more than one child.
Bear in mind that you may not have the option to go back to work, depending on the needs of the child.
There is no way I could work with my current child, or with the previous child. Too many appointments, managing family time, constantly being called to school.
The most important thing is to listen to the behaviour. My previous child invented all manner of illnesses, broken bones, metal plates in his skull, legs, arms. He loved it when I gave him a first aid kit. What he was really looking for was someone to show him they cared.
Apps- call me a dinasour but I don't do apps and can't see how they would help me care for a traumatised child
Products, both of my fosterlings and my adopted son love sleep sprays and big fluffy blankets
Get to know other FCs - you will need them
Good luck

Foster carer of 15 years here, also panel member.
what I’d say is you don’t always end up with what you think you will.
we didn’t think we’d cope with a child with disabilities, only wanted sort term.
Plan A went out of the window!
second child came aged 4, is very complex with many difficulties, still with us aged 17.
We were approved for 3 children, have only ever had this child due to their needs although we have done lots of respite to support other carers.
Try to form good relationships with school, SW, IRO.
You will need to have a strong personality, you are the only advocate for your child and you may face many obstacles.
Fostering is very much a learning curve, be open to lots of training, find support from other carers, always have a sense of humour.
If you have your own children be prepared for them to take a back seat.
When we were having a really bad time a couple of years in I really felt like giving up, another carer told me to take it a day at a time. At the end of each day weigh up how you feel, before you know it it will be a week, then a month, then a year!
Have a look at foster wiki, they have lots of carers and you will read of the pluses and minus.
Good luck on your journey, it can be really tough and can wear you down but overall it can be very rewarding.

When a child/ren first come to you it could be under a voluntary agreement (Sect 20) or interim care order (ico) or as an emergency placement. The aim of ss will be to get the children back home or to live with family if this isn’t possible. The assessment will last several months usually. It’s only once all these avenues have been exhausted that the child will be placed in ltfc. For younger children their LA may well prefer special guardianship (sgo) rather than you remain as foster carers. This needs careful consideration.
Good luck with your fostering journey, there are many twists and turns along the way but it can be extremely rewarding and it’s a privilege to do.

Hey everyone,

I joined specifically for fostering and adoption threads. I am currently trying to move to Truro from Devon before I start my journey.

I have already spoken to the National Fostering Agency (think that's the correct title) and they were lovely and think I'd be a great fit.

A little about me, unfortunately I lost my daughter at 28 weeks, I am a survivor of DV, originally from NI and ex wife of someone who was serving in the HM Forces. I moved to Devon over a year ago after my divorce, but it never really felt like home.

I started visiting Cornwall, as I love the water and just fell in love, but a single person trying to rent privately under £1000 is proving difficult, unfortunately and kind of hindering my start of my foster journey.

I'm just here to learn more about the process, things to look out for, and how you find fostering. I've spoken to several people who have fostered and I think longer term would be better for me to begin with, but I have said I'd take an emergency if need be once approved.

I do have PTSD from my marriage, but I have told the agency this and I'm very on top of counselling and self care for my mental health.

Just wanted to say hello, and if anyone is near Devon or Cornwall please say hello as I'm keen to meet as many foster mums as possible, I don't mind if there's distance, but it would be nice to be able to meet up if possible.

Have a lovely Friday everyone and happy weekend.

Hi all, I hope you do not mind but we are thinking of fostering and wondered if I could join the thread ?
We are hopeful for a long term foster we have two children aged 11 and 14.

Nice to meet you, where in the UK are you? Are you just considering at the moment, or starting the process?

My husband and I would dearly love to foster (I'm a SEN specialist teacher and he's a SW) but we don't have a spare room 😞
Foster parents are incredible ❤️

Really keen to see how you get on.

I'm half way through my social worker visits, and have my Skills to Foster sessions booked in for the end of March.
I'd you'd like to chat about my experiences so far I'm more than happy to.

Good luck with everything.

I would really love to chat to you - currently we are at the stage where as a teacher and counsellor we really want to help a young person . However the impact on our own chldren is a concern. I know there is no ideal but we were hopeful for a long term foster with a child that perhaps does not have too much trauma- saying this I feel maybe despite as wanting to expand our family and do good we maybe the wrong type of people.

Really just starting to consider we are in Worcestershire.

@Tinydancer123

I'm also considering long-term placement. I'll be taking a career-break to pursue fostering.

I feel as though not having a child who is "too traumatised" is a big ask and is unlikely to be something that can be accommodated for several reasons. Mainly however, trauma may not always be immediately obviously and a child who presents as more typical may show trauma-responses to certain stimuli later on.

There are a wealth of considerations such as whether you'll make use of the local authority or a private agency, whether you'll amend your jobs to make things fit, and a million other questions.

I'm currently working with a private agency that appears to have really strong values, and I'm extremely happy with the process so far. I feel as though they're very keen to placement-match based on my preferences and capabilities. There is somewhat a misconception that you get less "choice" with a private agency in terms of what child(ren) you may be able to foster - however I think fostering is in such high demand that your needs and wishes would be carefully considered regardless.

@Tinydancer123

I think you are right to think very carefully about the impact on your own children. How old are they?

I'm an adoptive parent and have been fostering now for about 18 months. I waited until my son had done GCSEs and college course before pursuing fostering as I wanted to be able to prioritise him at key points in his life.
Two other things strike me about your post. The first is about trauma. All children in the care system have experienced trauma, they will express that in many different ways, it may also take years before the trauma starts to play out. My own son didn't really start to play out his trauma until he's been with me for 4 years. It may be worth you doing more research around trauma.
The other thing is you mention expanding your family. My personal view is that's not really the right starting point.
Of course foster carers welcome children into their homes and many will become part of the family. But many won't. And again it depends what you mean by that.
Fostered children often have fierce loyalties to their families. Many will have contact with their families which you will have to manage.
My first foster child would have given anything to go back to his dad and was completely traumatised by his mum's rejection of him. This got in the way of him truly settling with me.
You will have social workers in your life, you will have restrictions on the decisions you can make on behalf of your foster child.
I also very much wanted to foster long term. My first was here for 11 months, my second has been here 5, its not working and we are looking for another FC. It's sad, it's not what I wanted. Both of these young people have been welcomed into my home, accepted unconditionally by my family and friends, but it's not worked out.
Fostering is not an easy life
Good luck with your fostering journey but do think long and hard about your expectations about what it might be like

You need to consider the impact fostering can have on our own children. The LA will always prioritise the needs of their children over your own children. The foster child will certainly have trauma and issues you will have to overcome/manage. All this could be detrimental to your own children. On the other hand your children will see a side of life they never knew existed and could become stronger young people for it.
The LA will always look to place children with their own carers before going to an agency because of the costs involved. I know agency carers who have waited months for placements and also who have had children moved back in-house when a space has become free.
I don’t want to sound negative as fostering is a truly amazing thing to do and a privilege but careful consideration does need to be taken and explored in your assessments.
Good luck with your fostering journey.

Good morning everyone!

Just thought I’d add that I was successful at my panel yesterday, with very positive feedback which made me feel extremely good.

Anxious and excited for the next stage of the journey.

Congratulations OP, a new life for you. Get on with your training ASAP so you aren't juggling it all when a child arrives. There is a lot to do in your first year, it'll fly by.

Thank you very much 😊.

Fortunately past me was very sensible and I’ve completed the MASSIVE amount of online training, so thank you for affirming that for me.

Well done op. I am really pleased for you. 💐💐💐

How are you finding fostering? Are you enjoying it?