Kinship care not working

[Linda1012]

Hi,
I am caring for a cousin as she has been removed from the care of her parents. It is really early days but I am struggling so much. She doesn't get along with my children to the point my children are really struggling.

It is also really difficult to manage all the contact with family.

My cousin is pre teen and is really struggling with not being with parents understandably but is very closed off so it's really difficult to try and create a relationship. She has also been parented really different so can be really demanding.

I hate to feel like this but I am finding it so hard and I feel like I can't do it. There doesn't seem to be any help from social workers.
I feel like a huge failure in feeling like I want to call the social workers and tell them after Xmas I don't want to do this anymore.

It's a massive change and a huge undertaking. I'd say:
-if you can, give it a bit more time. You're all still adjusting to a massive change, don't underestimate it, and it takes time.
-with social services, you need to shout to be heard. Please keep trying with the social worker and make it clear you are not coping and there is a risk it will break down. Don't wait for them to ask.
-have you tried approaching Kinship (the charity)? They have support lines and peer support available I believe.
-if you definitely cannot continue, do what you can to make the transition for your cousin as smooth as possible. Make sure it is planned, for example she might be able to spend a night or two in a new home then come back to you before making the permanent move
-think about support and contact you could offer after she has moved. Could you have her for dinner once a week, overnight once in awhile or take her shopping or for a film from time to time? In my area a child aged 11+ would likely end up in a children's home and it can be lonely.

@Linda1012 how are you getting on now? Is she still with you?