Will my past affect my chances?

[INeedANap99]

I am 42 years old and live in the south of England with my 8 year old son and my partner (not my sons Dad).

I am really interested in fostering children for short term placements but I'm worried my past will affect my application. 4 years ago I was in an abusive relationship (not my current partner). The police were involved, along with social services. During the course of the investigation social services were informed I sometimes smoke marajuana. They did several home visits and deemed my son to be at no risk (in fact they said he was happy and healthy) and the matter was closed.

Does anybody know if this will stop me from being a suitable candidate to provide foster care?

If social services have a record that you have used illegal substances in your home and you admitted to it then I very much doubt you would be passed as a foster carer unless you have now stopped this habit and can prove it with a hair follicle test but they may not even bother to offer this and could just refuse you.

The DV stuff won't affect you as you've done the right thing by leaving the abusive person and protecting your son from them.

Yes it should
and you will be asked
be honest

just 4 years ago

Social services were quite extensively involved with your family
and you were shown to be taking drugs

Op - i don’t think fostering is for you at this time

who “informed” SS?

I think it is unlikely that you would pass the application process.

were you smoking it? Are you now?

Thank you to those who have given me a helpful and respectful answer.

To the others - social services were not "extensively involved". They followed their protocol after a DV incident and discharged us once their investigation was completed.

The abusive ex told the police after he was arrested, which rigjtly got passed on to social services. I said yes I did have a joint occasionally, not around my son. They obviously didn't deem it to be a problem or they wouldn't have closed the enquiry. Probably because I have a well looked after son and it didnt affect my life any more than having a glass of wine. And no I don't do it anymore. Now I am not in an abusive relationship I don't feel the need to.

Hair follicle tests can trace marijuana back 6 months so if you have been clean of it for at least 6 months and could provide this as evidence they may consider you. But it's a big "maybe".

In my authority we had foster carers who had used drugs in the past or had criminal records.
The key factors were them being absolutely honest about their lives and outlooks. Being able to demonstrate that they had reformed and were stable was essential. Each person was interviewed extensively during the assessments, and then were questioned “live” at the Fostering Panel, where the final recommendations are made.
However, time is also an important factor, and it depends on whether your authority thinks enough time has elapsed.
You can always make a preliminary enquiry of your local Fostering Team in Children's Services. They might be able to tell you whether it is worth applying at this time, or advise you on any actions you might take to get there.

And no I don't do it anymore. Now I am not in an abusive relationship I don't feel the need to

Some foster children have been through some terrible things, and act out and display behaviours according. That can be hugely stressful as a carer. I wouldn’t go down the path of now you have no stress/challenges you don’t need to as all is well. If you have a placement you find hugely stressful what would you outlet then be if it used to be pot?

The standards expected to parent your own child are basically a lot lower than the standards expected to foster.

Domestic abuse, drug/alcohol use and mental illness are the three big red flags in safeguarding children so having experienced two of those quite recently would probably rule you out to be honest.

If smoking was a coping strategy you will need to describe your alternative healthier one. It isn't sufficient just to say if I don't have anything difficult to cope with I don't smoke. That suggests the next time you face extreme stress (eg during placement challenges) you'll smoke.

I know carers with histories of abusive relationships and also of drug use.

the key thing as PP has said is to be 100% honest, be reflective about how and why situations occurred. And how you will manage stress etc in the future in a healthy way.

it’s not definite that you would be ruled out but it would need to be thoroughly explored.

throw in your recent history (4 years ago is recent in eyes of SS when comes to fostering)

plus you live with a relatively new partner (he will be assessed too)

Absolutely yes it will impact your chances. To the extent that i wouldn’t bother if i were you op

I need advice. I'm currently 19weeks pregnant and I'm under social services. My 14yrar old boy is with a foster mum. I don't have contact only letters or Chrismamss or birthdays. I was 16 when I had him in a abusive relationship with his dad. I took drugs in past (cocaine) and got a drug test I had to go Cort go him took away from me. I'm scared that they will take my baby away too, I'm now 30 and don't touch drugs. I've turnt to God for help I feel that he is with me. Please if anyone can tell me any advice. Will they take my baby away.

Hello @Sarahlouise30 ,
I don't have any advice about your situation, but I advice you to start your own thread about it here on Mumsnet. This thread we are on now is more than three months old, so it does not get that much attention.

Better to start your own new thread, either on this board, or perhaps the Parenting board. You will get more replies that way, and answers to your specific question.

I hope everything will work out for you!

I'm in the beginning of trying to foster my grandon
And the way the foster team put me down and give me the look
So yes I think my past and debt will effect how I'm treated
I tried 2 year back for the same child and the final assessment was so bad they may as wel of shot it they made out i was a realy bad person
But yet iv never had social for my own children and brought them up as a 1 parents try not to be too disheartened
They can look dwn in you and make you feel useless and worthless
Good luck hope you get through this and happy at the end take care

Myself and partner are going through assessment for kinship care right now and have an issue!

My partner previously had involvement with social services when her son was 18 months old (now almost 15). Basically her dad was looking after her son while she and her partner at the time were working and they found out from a neighbour that her dad had friends at the house while they were at work. He and the friends were using drugs and social services were informed. Social services rang my partner, she immediately went home, collected her son and left to go to a friend's house, as instructed by SS while her partner stayed behind a few nights to pack up their stuff and they never returned.

My question is, how likely is this to stop us being approved as foster carers?