Would I be approved as foster carer due to DBro history?

[Funmumandson]

I'm thinking of applying to do Short Break fostering for children with disabilities/complex needs. I've worked with babies and children's with complex needs for 10 years (physical disabilities such as cerebral palsy/developmental delay/gastrostomy fed/epilepsy etc). Would also be interested in Short Breaks/respite for other foster children but probably limited to ages 0 to 8 yrs. I have a teenage DS and think younger children would be better suited to us.

My question is, I'm worried about starting the process and being rejected due to past problems for my DBro. He split up with his ex when their DS was little. He had been verbally and physically abusive with his ex (threw something at her). It went to SS and he had to have supervised visits for their DS for some time. This was a few years ago and now things are much better and he has regular unsupervised access.

DBro lives fairly close and we all see eachother like normal families. I presume that the SW would look into family members as part of your assessment? Would this disqualify me? DBro and I grew up with some DV when we were young which undoubtedly affected us and is prob why DBro has had this trouble (for which he has sought help and counselling).

Would our family history of DV as children also be a stumbling block? My parents divorced in the end. I understand that you get asked all sorts of questions!

If I was to go ahead, I don't want to put my family through a lot of awfulness as part of the assessment process...and don't want to start the process if it is a total non-starter! Would it be better to approach LA or IFA?

Thanks so much in advance!

Hopefully bump :)

Having a family member with this kind of history isn't automatic disqualification. But they will want to pick apart your attitude to what happened and why he is still in your life. If you're answer is "I believe he was innocent and his ex is a liar", for example, that's not going to go down well. Hopefully not. What you have put in your OP is a good start but be careful not to be too dismissive, he did something very serious and they will want to see you understand that and the potential risk he poses.

They may ask you to agree he won't be left in sole care of the child or even that he doesn't see the child at all depending on how they judge the risk.

Local Authorities tend to be more risk averse than IFAs so in your situation I'd look at IFAs first.

Thank you! I guess if I was only doing short breaks then DBro would not always even meet the child, and I would definitely never leave him in sole charge.

I agree that it is serious. He's still in my life as he's my brother and I understand why he has acted like this because of our shared childhood...but maybe that would be an unacceptable reason?

Also, would I just bring this up myself? I'm not sure of the process. Are all extended family members interviewed?

Yes you should bring it up yourself as otherwise you could be seen as trying to cover it up. They don't usually interview family members, you'll be asked for references and they may be interviewed.

They will want to be assured you won’t let him around unsupervised with the children and that you don’t support his actions (and aren’t violent yourself). But there’s such a shortgage of foster carers for disabled children that provided you have a plan and can meet their criteria they’ll approve you.

That's really helpful. Thank you. My main concern was that they would interview him and his ex and that would trudge up a lot of upset for them both, which seems very unfair just because I want to do Short Breaks! But I would be happy to share anything with the SW myself...

Are there any IFAs that you (or anyone else!) would recommend for this type of fostering please? (Covering Yorkshire and the Humber)

He'd be hopeless and wouldn't have a clue about looking after a disabled child so I definitely would never leave him unsupervised on that basis alone!

No they will not interview him or his ex unless you were to use them as your personal references which I wouldn't recommend. They will however ask you extensive questions on it and they'll probably even look into their records on the situation and/or contact the social worker who held their case all those years ago to confirm what you're saying isn't a sugar coated version of the truth. As long as you are honest and explain that you don't condone what happened and tell them about your brother's therapy and help he's received I think you'll still be approved.

Thank you everyone!