Why is fostering so frustrating?!?!

[Nogodsnomasters]

Just ranting to be honest. Going through a difficult time with the decisions that social services are making regarding our long term placed foster child. It's like we're trained to be the voice and advocate of the children in our care and then when it comes down to the wire they do not give one shit what we say or think is for the best and do whatever they want anyway despite us knowing the children the best especially one living with you 2 years! Urgh, rant over sorry!

That does sound frustrating, I have young kids but always thought when they’re older/moved out I’d love to foster. Hopefully it’s still something you enjoy and get fulfilment out of? Even if you do have to deal with things like this.

I would never put anyone off fostering as it's been such a generally good, interesting and eye opening experience, we've only been doing it 3.5yrs in total but honestly after this placement I think we'll take a massive break from it. Really jaded by how this "case" has transpired over the last 2 years and some of the moves that social services have made which are convenient for them but not in the best interest of the child.

@Nogodsnomasters

Tell me about it! I have just disrupted a placement of 11 months, there are a number of reasons but one of the main ones being his SW being hell bent on promoting 'safe' contact with his family. The contact is now out of control and she would not listen to me about my very serious and credible concerns - let's just say that the family are well known to the police

It's so annoying! I know they are professionally trained and have set goals and aims as their job but each child is different, each biological family is different, even each sibling within a family is different and needs to be treated accordingly! They can't even take advice from the people who know the children best because they're with them basically 24/7.

I could rant all day, it’s so frustrating. They don’t listen to the children or the carers and it results in children been put at risk and trauma on trauma. There’s never enough proof, they ask questions but only hear the bits that suit. They complain their overworked but if they worked with carers instead of against then small issues wouldn’t become so serious. I have to remind myself that they went into the jobs because they care although I’m not sure they all do anymore. Sws may as well just foster and take the middle men (the carers) out of the equation then they can see first hand what’s happening.

Couldn't have put it better myself! And not only that but the backtracking - my god! They tell you one thing and then completely forget about it and change it and when you remind them of the original plan they say stupid things like "well we felt it wasn't in the best interest" or "things have changed since then" - no they bloody haven't!!

Does the IRO know your views - any help?

I don't know what an IRO is, in in northern Ireland so the terms here might be different since system is different.

It’s an independent reviewing officer but I don’t know if they have an equivalent in NI. Someone whose job it is to visit the child and should speak to carer and report to review conferences? They can be good at putting the counter arguments to ss plans - but not always effective.

Definitely don't have one of those here. Sounds similar to a guardian ad litem here but they are only around until care order is granted and then they disappear.

I feel like I could have written this! Going through such a frustrating time with our FC's SW right now so much so I had to ask our SW to intervene. I said to DH it's starting to feel like they're trying to bullying us into submission because we're getting pressured into facilitating things that we cannot do and honestly would not be in FC's best interest (but FC is often pushed into these things then they take their anger out on me - which I understand as I'm supposed to be their safe person) - I think sometimes they either forget we have our family too (or they don't care!). Apologies for the rant on your post OP!

Do you have LAC reviews? (a review where things are discussed like where they currently are with going through court, school, how the child is been supported, birth parents can usually attend and also the child - age depending). The IRO chairs these. They oversea everything and make sure things are heading in the right direction. We have guardians as well but their roles aren’t similar

Absolutely understand where you're coming from!! I also went to our SW but was basically told although they agree with my side of things and think I'm right in my opinions there isn't anything they can do!! So annoying.

Yes we have LAC's every 6 months, the person who chairs them here is known as the "principal social worker" it's basically the SW's bosses boss but they never do house calls to FC, hardly ever meet the children that's all left to SW.

It’s definitely a tricky balance, as social workers we are directed by the court as to contact frequency etc when we are in Care Proceedings

We can make changes and agree to certain things if asked, ie can a family member attend contact and we are always mindful that the court could order the children back in to the family’s care.

would always say if you are worried stick it all in an email to your SSW and the Child’s SW so at least you have documented your concerns.

I can’t imagine how tough it is, I always toyed with being a foster carer and changed my mind rapidly when I became a SW

As frustrated as you are though I do think it’s worth remembering that you, and the SW, are all trying to do what’s right for the child even if you may disagree on what it is

Thank you. I honestly do try and see it from there side as I've also worked for SS as a SW assistant for 2 years and I have several SW friends from that job and I saw first hand the pressure, staff shortages, the constant crisis's etc so I truly try not to be difficult or cause my foster child's SW any trouble but this one specific issue even my own SW has agreed it's not in the child's best interest but they can't do anything about it. I was advised to contact fostering network but I don't see how they can trump the LA decisions, it would just be more "support and advice" which I'm already aware of.