Door locks?

[Mummy3Plus1]

Just brief background - I am a kinship carer, LO is 5 y/o and has a slight lactose intolerance.

LO has a tendency to sneak downstairs in the night and take food/sweets. We've tried making sure sweet treats are out of reach but they just take something else or one of our older BC will leave something on a lower shelf by accident. If LO can't find something downstairs, they will go to the pantry cupboard in the living room or go to one of our BC room and take stuff they may have (2 of them are teens so frequently keep food in their room). LO is rather sneaky about it all and will hide the wrappers down the side of bed so is very aware that what they are doing is not okay.

Due to LO intolerance there has been many times they have made themselves rather poorly due to what has been taken. Including a recent occasion which resulted in being sent home from school.

I will speak to our SSW but wanted opinions on placing a safety lock on the kitchen and living room doors. We're very worried that LO doesn't seem to have much concept of the dangers of things (more than just the food, they recently fell down the stairs despite having stair gates etc).

I know there are rules about locking children in their room and I would NEVER dream of doing something so dangerous as that. I'm just really worried that they're not safe to be alone in those rooms and unless I forego all sleep, I can't stop them as they will only do this when they wake up and know everyone is asleep.

Any advice welcome!

I’m no expert so hopefully someone who is will be able to better advise but I think the approach isn’t to lock anything away but to shift focus onto healing the root cause of their behaviour (usually this means reassuring them that food will always be available to them and they never need to worry about that).

Eg by offering verbal reassurance and by stocking up a snack basket or tiny fridge that’s just for them that they’re allowed to access always (I think they’re supposed to choose themselves - from your sensible pre chosen items - what goes in there).

I’d also get your teens to get a lot better at keeping their own snacks out of sight and reach. And go cold turkey on household snacks while you’re implementing this.

BUT, like I said I’m no expert, so check this approach with their SW first. The safety matter is a whole other issue in itself.

Could you leave a suitable midnight snack on the kitchen table? Or even better, by the side of the childs bed?

Thank you, the problem is they don't just take 'snacks'. They will literally take anything which opens up other issues - grapes being a good example, it's a choking hazard. If I don't know they're eating, I can't supervise. LO has been with us since 6 months old so never known issues accessing food. LO is very intelligent and we have sat down after these incidents (the ones we've found out about) and explained how dangerous it is, we've incentivised, we've literally tried every approach, including a mini fridge of their own but again LO is only 5 so allowing eating whilst we're all asleep is far too dangerous imo. It's definitely not out of hunger, LO is well fed and has a snack before bed to ensure not hungry in the night etc. The locks are a last resort whilst we keep trying to teach them to understand the risk involved.

One of my foster carers had locks on all the fridge freezers, larders and cupboards which were only locked at night.
I had similar behaviour and was given a box with appropriate foods in it to keep in my room.
I didn't eat them often but I needed access to food to feel safe.

@KnickerlessParsons Can you think of a snack that would be safe? Obviously all food can be a choking hazard but some foods more than others. LO has a cup of water by the bed anyway so I'd be open to putting a little snack but I can't think of anything that would be safe, not trigger her intolerance and wouldn't go brown/stale being sat out for hours. Maybe a biscuit?

@TomatoSandwiches thank you for your input, helps alot to hear from the other side. LO does have attachment issues due to inconsistency with BM so maybe this is part of the manifestation of that and they need the food to feel safe. I'll have a think of what foods could be safe for her to have access to and see if that helps.

@Mummy3Plus1 if she has a fridge I'd pop a small peanut butter sandwich in there with a cup of oat milk, maybe a rich tea biscuit to dunk (they're lactose free) if you have any polish shops nearby they do corn snacks that look like wotists but don't have the cheese flavouring so won't make her ill.

Could you buy a motion sensor alarm for LO's bedroom door, rather than for the kitchen? You can get alarms that hang on the door handle, or a Ring type alarm which would alert you if they leave the room. Or a stair gate on their door, depending on age and whether they are still in nappies.

Also, just in case helpful, one of my DDs has lactose intolerance and we buy digestive enzymes to stop her getting ill if she accidentally eats it. There are loads - Lactaid, Wellzyme are just two we have used.

What about crackers and a cup of lactose free milk? Or a little sandwich .. paté or jam…? you could wrap in tin foil to keep it fresh overnight?

Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

I have bought a special pack of her favourite biscuits that will be only used for her for bedtime. I'm going to speak to her when she gets home from school, explain how dangerous it is for her to do this type of thing and that every night when I go to bed I will take her up 2 biscuits and a cup of water for if she wakes up in the night. Hopefully that will help her feel secure if she is leaning on the food access for that.

I do have a silent door alarm in my basket on amazon, should it not work though so thank you for that suggestion too!

When our child came aged 4 they wandered around all through the night. For their safety we bought locks for the doors downstairs. We got those little one that are an arm and a hook and screwed them on up high so they couldn’t reach.
At night before bed when we were going up we just slipped them on.
After a few weeks they stopped wandering around.
We also had a dog so I didn’t want them going in the room alone with the dog in the middle of the night.

I'm a Foster Carer and our SW suggested an alarm on DC door. It meant everything he sneaked out of bed in the middle of the night we heard the alarm and popped him back to bed. Before this he would get a tub of ice-cream out the freezer and a spoon, take it back to bed, eat some and put the rest under his pillow. In the morning we'd find a pink pudding of strawberry ice cream stuck to his hair. The door alarm stopped it.