If we can't go ahead with Kinship Care would we still be able to see DGC

[finalpunt]

Me and DH are in a really difficult situation and just don't know what to do. DGS is in our care and we are his emergency kinship carers waiting on assessment.

DGS is severely disabled and has extremely complex care needs, he was placed with us as we have always been to previous consultants etc and know him and his needs. He is non verbal and very limited motor skills and severe learning difficulties. He also suffers sleep disturbance and can't sleep past 3am.

He is an angel and we adore him but physically we are not sure if we can cope long term. DH is disabled and can not do any of the physical care. He is also suffering anxiety over his new disabilities, over how DGS came to be with us and the financial stress.

I am the main earner but have had to give up work in short term, we have calculated that we probably have enough savings to see us through to Dec but then we would have to either sell house and move or I would have to return to FT work and then wouldn't be able to care for DGS anyway. We are worried that as he gets older we would struggle to meet his needs as we are getting older.

We have been told that he may not be returned and we have to assume this would be long term and that there may be requirement to take sibling also and they may look at SGO again this would mean I definitely couldn't work and we would have no choice but to sell house and hope to be offered mortgage on the fact that we would use any equity.

We are scared that we may be refused as long term kinship carers or if we couldn't do it we will never get to see him or sibling again. Too scared to ask SW as I feel like he thinks we may just not want them and will take us DGS off us immediately.

Does anyone know if GP have not been able to do kinship care if they are still able to see children?

If the children are placed in specialist foster care then there should be no barrier to you maintaining ongoing contact with them. I sit on fostering panels and I know many of the children in care see their grandparents on a regular basis. It is a very important part of identity formation to retain family links.

Please be honest with the SW. The fact is, placements for medically complex children are few and far between. They would rather offer you support then try and find one. Try and give them ideas that may help? Such as school/nursery placement so you can continue to work, financial help so you can drop your hours. They would much prefer children to stay within families so ask for help.

@Stressfordays is correct. Social services will want to do anything to support your DGS to remain in your care. Ideas might include regular respite (including overnight respite), support from home care agencies, a childminder so you can work. There may be additional funding available although sadly probably not at the level that would replace your income.

If it's still not possible then yes, you would be supported to have contact. The main barrier is likely to be distance as it depends where they can find a home that will take your DGS. There are some foster carers who look after children with disabilities, but they are few and far between. He may have to live in a specialist children's home and that could be near you or in another part of the country.

You must speak to your social worker asap and be very clear that you cannot continue, as all of these alternative plans take time to put into effect.

As mentioned before it will probably be difficult to put your gs with experienced carers, if they can it will be very expensive.
Talk to the SW and ask what support is available to you both emotionally and financially.
Take each day one at a time, worry about the future when it happens. As he gets older there are other options you can look into but if you can cope at the moment just make sure you get lots of support.

Thanks everyone.
It was the SW that first said if we need to work then we aren't suitable for consideration of long term care.
We are in a mortgaged house so do need to work. When I expressed concern about the future and if we could cope as DG becomes teenager due to our age and his size, he said if having doubts now we probably aren't going to work. This is why we struggle to express concerns and be honest as it's not met with help or open discussion just makes us sound like we don't care.
We are going to do nothing for now and as @Cassimin said take each day as it comes, continue with the process and see what happens

Surely you should get a kinship care allowance? Afaik, the SGO in England is used to avoid paying an allowance.

Try to find a kinship care support group where you can find financial information. It sounds as though this is a huge worry for you, and may be skewing your perspective.

You need to explore all financial rights too. Could he come to you through fostering? Rather than kinship? Is there an allowance for kinship? Fostering allowances don’t count for lots of means tested benefits. Is it the same for kinship etc?

Have you got a fostering/assessment social worker? They are the person to talk to about finances and you can push to foster him rather than SGO; with a young child with no additional needs they will always want SGO but if the only other option would be mainstream foster care they would rather a family member foster him.
Also unless a child is adopted then you could still see him. It’s even possible that if he were fostered by someone else that you could offer respite for him; it’s not unknown for children in care to spend weekends with grandparents who are safe but just can’t offer long term care. I’d also suggest legal advice; you can ask the local authority to fund this to help your decision making

Perhaps you can get advice here?

compass.kinship.org.uk/get-advice-and-information/