Hoe on board must DH be?

[cartalena]

I've always wanted to foster but the circumstances have never been right for whatever reason.

I'm now older and settled etc, and I feel it's something I would still like to do.

Current situation is married, one 10yo DS, dog, cats etc. I work full time.

I understand I'd need to give up work, but I'm only on about £27k so looking at some of the figures I don't think we'd be too out of pocket?

Anyway, DH is not super keen but would agree to it if I'm the main carer, which as I've always been default parent anyway makes no difference to me. My worry is that he won't be 'on board' enough?

Would we get rejected from the off?

Obviously there will be no 'hoes' involved. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would imagine it would be hard for a foster child if they picked up on the dynamic and got a vibe that they weren't too welcome... I'm sure your DH would never intend that, but obviously kids (especially those with traumatic backgrounds) are astute and tuned into others' emotions.

Your husband and any kids absolutely need to be on board fully.

I'm a relatively new foster carer, single but with an adult child at home.
I can't imagine going through this with a partner if they were not totally on board with it.
The loss of your salary is an issue - not just what you take home, what about your pension? Will your husband resent that?
You have to support another child with that money- food, clothes, school stuff, take them into account for days out, holidays if they are with you.
You may need to facilitate contact meetings, the child I foster has separate monthly meet ups with two brothers and his dad, plus termly ones with two other significant people. Younger children may have weekly meetings.
Will your husband pick up the child care for your child while you do tha?
What about the impact on your child?

Your DH would need to be assessed alongside you and would need to be completely on board - it is everyone in the household that is assessed.

You would be mad to go into this with your life partner essentially opting out of active involvement from the off.
The children you foster are highly likely to have high emotional needs and will impact family life in SO many ways it would be unfair on everyone involved to not be all engaged in the plan.
How would a child feel to be living under the roof of a family where one person expected to keep you at arms length.
Think you might need to accept your long held desire is incompatible with your families life expectations/capacity for that kind of support and that it might have to be a 'could have been if...' life path.

my partner was not superkeen but I drove the application and she remained working full time with me as the main carer. 5 years on and I have returned to full time work with her having given up full time work. It is not unusual to have one person as drivig force and another as more of a passenger. Obviously doesnt work if thy are"anti" but ambivalence is not impossible to deal with. Be open and honest and see what the assessor says. The application process will put some pressure on you pastner to address his feelings more on the subject.