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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

What sort of fostering/adoption is this?

26 replies

jenison99 · 15/06/2023 23:16

Hello,

This is really complicated but please bare with me.

Through a friend, I've been introduced to a guy who has a electronic tag on his ankle and 4+ criminal records for various things. He had a child with a lady but she's a drug addict and forbidden from ever seeing her child. Let's call the child Penny and her father John. Penny's mother is white but her father is Asian.

John sees Penny through Social serves once a month for a hour or two.

John does not have a uk passport and I've been told he's at risk of being deported for his criminal record?

He says that under no circumstances does he want Penny.

Apparently, social services have said that Penny can be adopted/fostered (not sure which and John doesn't speak the best of English) if John (the father) finds a suitable family who will have her? All he needs to do is sign her over?

I'm so confused and new to all this! Can someone please shed some light and tell me if this is even possible at the slightest?

Penny has been in care (at a child centre?) since she was 2 months. She's now 3 years old.

I am English and my husband is Asian, we are married, dual income of £80,000, have a spare bedroom, don't have kids and don't plan to have any for at least another 3 years. Can we adopt or foster Penny?

I've only seen videos of Penny from John and have completely fallen in love with and my heart aches that she's basically like an orphan... please help x

OP posts:
Original poster
jenison99 · 15/06/2023 23:18

jenison99 · 15/06/2023 23:16

Hello,

This is really complicated but please bare with me.

Through a friend, I've been introduced to a guy who has a electronic tag on his ankle and 4+ criminal records for various things. He had a child with a lady but she's a drug addict and forbidden from ever seeing her child. Let's call the child Penny and her father John. Penny's mother is white but her father is Asian.

John sees Penny through Social serves once a month for a hour or two.

John does not have a uk passport and I've been told he's at risk of being deported for his criminal record?

He says that under no circumstances does he want Penny.

Apparently, social services have said that Penny can be adopted/fostered (not sure which and John doesn't speak the best of English) if John (the father) finds a suitable family who will have her? All he needs to do is sign her over?

I'm so confused and new to all this! Can someone please shed some light and tell me if this is even possible at the slightest?

Penny has been in care (at a child centre?) since she was 2 months. She's now 3 years old.

I am English and my husband is Asian, we are married, dual income of £80,000, have a spare bedroom, don't have kids and don't plan to have any for at least another 3 years. Can we adopt or foster Penny?

I've only seen videos of Penny from John and have completely fallen in love with and my heart aches that she's basically like an orphan... please help x

Oh one more thing

I've got John's resident card and called social services number since yesterday but no response!

OP posts:
Brigitteshittette · 15/06/2023 23:20

As if

inappropriateraspberry · 15/06/2023 23:22

Social services number? Are you in America? This is very odd.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:22

Penny does not exist and you have fallen prey to a scam artist/catfish

thaegumathteth · 15/06/2023 23:24

Well he sounds like trustworthy upstanding kind of bloke I'd trust him 100% that this is legit

Original poster
jenison99 · 15/06/2023 23:24

inappropriateraspberry · 15/06/2023 23:22

Social services number? Are you in America? This is very odd.

Apparently it's the number for the lady who arranges visitation between John and Penny

No - UK

Please can people be serious, I've only heard the term fostering so no idea about procedures

OP posts:
Dumbphone · 15/06/2023 23:24

John needs to put you forward, look up special guardianship. However, you have no existing relationship with penny which is a prerequisite so sounds unlikely a court would grant this. You can make a private application - but convoluted and again, less likely to be successful. Try again with social worker.

Also - you want to check your motivations there, coming across as a saviour complex. Do a bit of reading around the topic, kids who are in care are not ‘orphans’ in need of saving. Penny has two parents, they’re not dead. That means something for her.

watcherintherye · 15/06/2023 23:25

I would walk away….quickly. All sounds v. v. dodgy.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:27

I am being serious you are being scammed

Social Services do NOT ask the parent of a removed child to arrange their placement because they have proven themselves an unsafe adult

It just doesn't work like that, you are being lied to.

Showersugar · 15/06/2023 23:28

If you're friends with or know the father in someway then you could put yourselves forward as 'connected carers', yes. You would then be assessed to see if you're suitable, but on the face of it there's nothing in the description of your circumstances that would automatically rule you out.

The fact that the mixed ethnic make up of your marriage matches that of the child's parentage is another positive.

At 3 there's no way she's in a children's home, she will likely be with foster carers already. If the care plan hasn't been finalised yet then these will probably be short term carers who are helping to prepare her for her forever home (be that with long term foster carers, special guardians or adoptive parents).

inappropriateraspberry · 15/06/2023 23:30

This screams scam. He'll ask for money to adopt her and she'll never appear.
I'd do some research on John and see what you can find out. I doubt any of his story is true.

Showersugar · 15/06/2023 23:30

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:27

I am being serious you are being scammed

Social Services do NOT ask the parent of a removed child to arrange their placement because they have proven themselves an unsafe adult

It just doesn't work like that, you are being lied to.

They don't ask the parent to arrange a placement, but one of the first things they are required to do by law is ask whether there are any friends, family members or other connected persons who might be able to care for the child.

Showersugar · 15/06/2023 23:33

Dumbphone · 15/06/2023 23:24

John needs to put you forward, look up special guardianship. However, you have no existing relationship with penny which is a prerequisite so sounds unlikely a court would grant this. You can make a private application - but convoluted and again, less likely to be successful. Try again with social worker.

Also - you want to check your motivations there, coming across as a saviour complex. Do a bit of reading around the topic, kids who are in care are not ‘orphans’ in need of saving. Penny has two parents, they’re not dead. That means something for her.

Yes this is very good point. Your excitement is a bit.. off. She's not a doll you can waltz in and shower with cuddles, she's a vulnerable child who has experienced trauma, she needs skilled, dedicated carers who are in this for the long haul.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:34

Yeah sure but if Johns on a tag and has a record etc his connections COULD be viewed as the "wrong element"

Kinship is different obviously.

So far the OP has only seen videos of Penny

I am concerned for the OP that the next step is to ask for money "to buy things for Penny"

She hasn't even been able to confirm the child's existence via third party

It doesn't sit right

Whadda · 15/06/2023 23:36

Have you met John in person?

Sounds like a scam. Has he told you that you’ll need to pay to adopt the child?

SocialLite · 15/06/2023 23:45

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:27

I am being serious you are being scammed

Social Services do NOT ask the parent of a removed child to arrange their placement because they have proven themselves an unsafe adult

It just doesn't work like that, you are being lied to.

That's not entirely true, they do all the parents to put forward people they would like to be considered to care for the child.

It's called connected persons fostering, and could lead to a special guardianship order.

The thing concerning me here as potentially unrealistic is that I've never, never, heard of a baby being put into a residential home. In fact, none in my area are licensed for children that young. They would always be with a foster carer or family.

SilverCatStripes · 15/06/2023 23:46

Hi OP you need to just have a reality check here.

This isn’t how fostering or adoption works in the UK. This is a scam.

Please contact your local fostering and adoption service tomorrow and have a chat with them - they will be able to help advise you if you want to start thinking about fostering or adoption, and it will be useful to flag this to them so they can be aware.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:53

@SocialLite

Yeah I know but this isn't really a connected person they've only been recently introduced by a third party intermediary. There's just a LOT of Red Flags here. Enough for bunting.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/06/2023 23:56

I think what John is talking about is a special guardianship order for kinship care. This is where, instead of being fostered by foster careers, children who cannot live with biological parents will go and live with another member of the family like an auntie or grandparents who will take on parental responsibility for them, this doesn't sound like you're situation as you aren't related to her: asssuming John is telling the truth, he has probably misunderstood this and thinks he can nominate any family. If his English is that poor he should be offered an interpreter for meetings about his daughter- the best help you can give might be to advocate for him to have this.

The baby would probably be best off with a trained and well supported foster carer.
If you would like to be a foster parent you should google how to do it locally to you and google local fostering agencies about training and ensuring your home would pass the requirements like spare bedroom.

SocialLite · 15/06/2023 23:57

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit

I can see it both ways. There are definitely inconsistencies, but OP also stated his English is poor so he could be misunderstanding things/miscommunicating them to her,

This could be a scam, but could be genuine. I've seen far more convoluted stories be completely true...

SocialLite · 16/06/2023 00:00

@Unexpectedlysinglemum it is not true that you have to be related. Family friends, neighbours etc, there are lots of possibilities.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 16/06/2023 00:00

I think that if it's genuine it's what the poster @Unexpectedlysinglemum has said that he thinks he can just nominate any random family.

The best thing you can do OP is cold call your local councils fostering service by Googling the number and then explaining the situation - they will give you ultimately more correct guidance than strangers online

NBLarsen · 16/06/2023 00:02

Do you personally know the father? How have you become aware of them/the situation?

Dumbphone · 16/06/2023 07:09

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/06/2023 23:27

I am being serious you are being scammed

Social Services do NOT ask the parent of a removed child to arrange their placement because they have proven themselves an unsafe adult

It just doesn't work like that, you are being lied to.

Family courts absolutely DO do this, it makes parents panic and ask anyone they think may be suitable

Goldencup · 16/06/2023 07:13

SilverCatStripes · 15/06/2023 23:46

Hi OP you need to just have a reality check here.

This isn’t how fostering or adoption works in the UK. This is a scam.

Please contact your local fostering and adoption service tomorrow and have a chat with them - they will be able to help advise you if you want to start thinking about fostering or adoption, and it will be useful to flag this to them so they can be aware.

This, go through the official channels, get stuff in writing. All social workers should have an an email address ending gov.uk.

Do not give out any information to a random over the phone.

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