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Fostering

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Are we wrong to feel like we have been abandoned

8 replies

disillusioned · 22/08/2022 19:01

Hi
my husband and I have been longer term foster carers for the last 7 years for the same child.
whilst this child was on respite, following an incident with his Girlfriend who is much younger then him - we had unknown males come to our front door shouting that he was a “peado” and that he needed to get outside, despite the fact we told them that he wasn’t here this aggressive shouting behaviour continued in the street for several minutes - there was people walking passed the house and the only time they left was when we stated that we would call the police if they didn’t leave - during the encounter they told us in graphic details what our foster child had apparently been doing (sexually) -

we contacted the fostering agency and stated that we didn’t feel that he would be safe to return due to the above.
without notice, or without consideration to our welfare they moved him to another carer who is in a different town and stopped our payments.

my question is - if I wanted to end a placement I would have to give 28 days notice. As the agency ended placement should we of been given notice.

we have had very little communication from the agency and we both feel upset and disappointed that after 7 years of caring for a child that the placement has ended and we have been through such a difficult situation and he have been left to cope on our own, there people could of come back - and still could.

Also we still have most of the child’s belongings - which is adding to the upset we are feeling and stopping us from being able to move forward - we don’t have a definite date for when the belongings are being collected.

OP posts:
Benjaminsniddlegrass · 22/08/2022 19:04

That doesn't sound right at all, for a start that decision isn't made by the fostering agency but the children's social work team. There should have been a disruption meeting, safety planning and if he couldn't stay a clear transition plan to support his move so he didn't feel rejected/abandoned. I would suggest speaking with the child's social worker, their independent reviewing officer and your supervising SW to try and get their different perspectives. That poor child to be taken away so abruptly from your free 7 years, that would be really traumatising for him and upsetting for you.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 22/08/2022 19:04

*care not free!

disillusioned · 22/08/2022 19:27

this happened 2 weeks ago

We was informed by the agency that there will be a disruption meeting - we haven’t been given any date for this. How quickly should this been done? It seems a little bit of a waste of time now the decision has been made that child has been move for their own safety.

The social worker came to our home the day after the child was moved and just said that the child wasn’t coming back and to get his stuff packed up.

the child had their LAC review booked for last week and we was only informed that we wasn’t attending the night before.

I have spoken to the agency and explained how we are feeling but all we got back from them was that we was told the information when they knew

is this normal? Is this how placements end?

OP posts:
Cassimin · 23/08/2022 13:04

The Sw is probably thinking that they are doing the best thing for the child as they were not in a safe place.
the child is their priority, if any thing happens to the child and they know what’s been happening it’s their heads on the block.
unfortunately as when an allegation is made the foster carers are last in line to know anything and don’t often receive adequate support for what they too are experiencing.
Hopefully you will receive some sort of support soon when things calm down a bit.

picklemewalnuts · 23/08/2022 13:23

You have your own SW that should be supporting you, and finding out what's going on.
The child's SW needs to focus on the plan for them.

I did find them a bit quick to leave you in the dust when circumstances change.

They used to check our finances to make sure we weren't dependent on it, because of the possibility of funding stopping suddenly.

What arrangements have been made for you to say goodbye? That must be very traumatic for him.

Is there any suggestion you handled it wrongly? Can you check their understanding of what happened is the same as yours?

Someone somewhere may think you announced you didn't want him back because it was dangerous to you for him to be there/you didn't like what he was accused of.

You need to check.

wellobviouslyyoucan · 29/08/2022 04:40

You contacted your agency stating that you feel he's not safe to return to your home, so realistically they aren't going to give you notice and they've done what you asked.

SD1978 · 29/08/2022 05:03

You said he wasn't safe and shouldn't return, so he didn't. The payments stopping would do (although seems odd that's a consideration when you basically asked for the child to be moved) what do you want from the LA?

f0stercarer · 31/08/2022 10:20

have you spoken to his IRO ?

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