Fostering family children

[Uncertain89]

Hi everyone, could really do with some advise.

Can't believe I am writing this but.. a few months back someone in the family was arrested for possessing indecent images of children. Their partner was arrested for sexual assault on a child in the videos (trying to be as vague as possible). Their kids were taken off them and sent to foster care. Myself and my husband have been asked by the social workers whether we would apply to foster them. There is also someone else in the family that is going through the fostering process but the social worker is trying to persuade us to have them or at least have 2 of them.

One of their parents went straight to prison awaiting trial and is pleading guilty, the other on bail and pleading not guilty. The person on bail is very convincing that they knew nothing of it. There isnt much evidence at all that they were involved (not sure how much I can say) but I believe them (with reservation as of course nothing is certain right now).

The thing is, we love the kids and want them home but we would have to leave work and move house and what if we did that and then they went back to the parent if the case is thrown out. The social worker says even if the case is dropped then they only need 51% likeliness to keep the kids as opposed to the court needing 99% to charge. Social worker is saying neither will get the kids back ever again but surely if they are found not guilty then they will get the kids back?

Sorry for the long post just could really do with someone, maybe a social worker or someone in the know, what their take is on it. Can they keep the kids even the case is dropped? I dont know what we would do if we gave up work and then the kids went home... we couldn't do it financially but also want what is best for the kids. I guess could just do with venting it as so much going on in our heads... any adviser thought are very welcome as my head is going to explode with all the ifs and buts.

This is a hard one. Even with the charges dropped once childrens services have removed the children, they don’t just hand them back. If I’m honest this could go on for years. The parent can claim they don’t know anything but the police may feel that they did and that will reflect on social services reports as this parent could be deemed to be a risk to the children by possibly putting them in future harms way. That is what children services tend to look at, future harm not just what is going on now. They will want the parent to do parenting courses, inspections, court meetings possibly even therapy, as well as looking at if that parent has been with certain types of partners in the past that could be deemed abusive, have they previously been in dv or abusive relationships. Did the parent leave the other parent unsupervised, would they risk going back to them in the future. I would ask the social workers if they think going back to the other parent is a possibility and go from there.

Thanks for your reply Crazyhousewife. The police are adamant they are involved and have charged them with sexual assault. The social worker is too and said that they are going for them not having the children back. One other thing that we've just found out is that they have been visiting their partner in jail so I guess that answers the question as to whether they would risk being involved with them in the future. Do you think SS could remove the children forever then? I believe that is what they are going for.

I don’t think they will allow them back where charges of sexual abuse are concerned, the children are at risk of being abused if they haven’t already and that may be something to factor in for yourself when making this decision. The children could have been abused and this a risk for behavioural problems and inappropriate behaviour. It’s very sad because in cases like this the children in the house have normally been the subject of abuse. Unfortunately it is very common for the other parent to visit the person in jail if they have known, if they didn’t they will always believe that person and that makes them a risk because it questions what else may have been going on that they knew about or say they didn’t know anything but possibly had a feeling something was going on and ignored it. It’s a sad situation to be in as I think this will be a long term placement and I would question the social worker on whether they have reason to suspect any abuse of the children. Do take time with your partner to decide whether this is a situation that you could both do long term and how you would handle any behavioural problems or if anything arose where the children have been abused. Do research all options and also check whether the children will be required to visit the parent in jail and what visitation will be with the other parent.

They came in arresting them for sexual assault on one of the children, that is what their charge is. Thank you so much for your advise, some of it was what we are starting to think ie the visiting in jail and knowing so it is good to hear that we aren't alone thinking that. We've definitely got some thinking to do. Thanks again x

I think it is lovely you want the children. We would feel the same in your situation. The children need a home and the social workers know it's usually best they stay with family if possible. However you are talking of moving home and both giving up your jobs. That is a massive committment. Is there no way the children can relocate where you are and maybe only one of you give up your job? A family I know fostered family members and the children relocated to them. It meant a change of schools ext but the alternative was to be fostered away from family and the social workers felt strongly that being with family east the best option.
No one can tell the future op. You are thinking of doing something lovely. Is there anyway the children could come to you rather than you uprooting your own lives? 💐

I don't understand why you would both have to leave work. Would there be any scope in asking for unpaid adoption leave instead and then you would have something to go back to.

@shiningstar2 We don't have a big enough house really, and only have a shower, no bath whihc is why we thought we would have to move to somewhere more appropriate. To be honest, after all they are going through then we would probably have to change schools and move to a new area anyway as people in the local area know all about it, plus adding their own twist.

@gospelsinger Two of the children have additional needs that would require someone to be with them all the time so wouldn't leave much scope for the 2-ing and fro-ing of school runs, shopping etc so I'm not sure one of us would be able to manage all of it until the other got home from work to be honest. I could potentially go part time which might be a good option.

Both of you giving up work (forever?!) seems excessive. If you really can't accommodate them in your lives without that, then it doesn't seem like a good solution.

It sounds as though if you don't take the children, they will be placed in care permanently. Most likely they will be split up.
If you can take them in, it will make a massive difference to their lives.

Oops, just noticed this is an old thread.
Hope things turned out ok, OP.