Has anyone chose to take on siblings children through social services

[shellylouise]

Hiya everyone I'm new here but two years ago in December I took a huge leap and took my neice and nephew in my care they are 10 and 6. There mum and dad are on drugs and these two poor little ones was suffering in there mums care she was so bad on drugs that she nearly died 3 times after the first time I said enough was enough. You all going to say why didn't you do something before. But the thing is not one of us knew what was happening she hid it so well she stopped us all having contact for 6 month there dad aswell didn't see the children for 6 months it has been one hell of a roller coaster! I love raising them and wouldn't have it any other way but iv really struggled mentally with this whole new lifestyle and the people I have round me are amazing although.... not one of them know how iv felt through it all i really need someone to talk to just so I don't feel completely alone. It's the scariest thing iv ever had to do iv had all social services and court stuff to deal with aswell as arranging contact for my brother and there mum things are going good for the children but mentally I'm not and would just like to have a chat just so I know I'm not going completely crazy. ❤️

Hi. We've just celebrated 9 years of my husband's niece being with us on an SGO. Its been a rollercoaster all right- many highs and many, many trying times with a little girl who suffers from disorganised attachment disorder. We also had to deal with courts, SS and contact- although that has rather dropped off due to covid. I still struggle sometimes but I love her as if she were mine (I have no biological children).

I should say she's 14 now and has all the teenage hormones now as well.

Hi Thankyou for messaging back 🥰. Really 9 years wow bless you all. Oh wow iv all the teenage hormones to come soon I'm not looking forward to them times 😅 nothing worse than teenage hormones. No one tells you how hard it all is do they! I really thought that it would be easy with them being my niece and nephew but they both couldn't be any more different the little girl she's just turned 10 so she was 8 at the time and she's seen things no little child should see. she struggled so much the first 6 months constant nightmares and the things she told me made me feel so sick. and the little boy he's 6 now was 4 then but he has no idea what's happened so far. He used to be left on his own on the sofa with his Nintendo DS we had to learn him the basic skills bless him but he's hard work I really think he's autistic but trying to get him tested is difficult. lockdown was a blessing for us it gave us time to all learn how to live with each other as a new family but my god it was hard still is most days.

Hi. It really is hard, isnt it? Nobody tells you how hard. They aren't your biological children and they aren't your adopted children and you still have to navigate their biological family, including for us, grandparents and aunts/uncles. My girl's parents were convicted of physical abuse, neglect and medical neglect so she suffered a lot (one of my first jobs was to take her to have 12 rotted teeth removed). I'm glad lockdown worked for you. Luckily she came to us in August as Im a teacher so at any other time we would have picked her up one day and she and I would have had to be in school the next. I really feel there should be some kind of parental leave for adults in this situation. As it was, she screamed for 2 straight weeks and we just kept saying "we'll just get through today and she can go back to foster care tomorrow" on repeat - the ultimate fake it til you make it. Nowadays she IS my daughter - I am intensely protective and proud of her. She has many struggles at school - she's very bright but almost mute at school (not at home), terrified of getting anything "wrong" and struggles with friendships as she really doesn't trust anyone. Things that worked for us - she had 2 lots of play therapy organised by school which were amazing, going back to basics - she loved what we called "baby cuddles", even at 10, wrapped up in a towel and being rocked, she calls me mum or ma as it makes her feel like everyone else - that she has a mum. Lots of her family didn't like that but it was her choice and I defended it robustly. One weekend she sat next to me and said "Are you my mummy now?" and I said "If you want me to be" and that was that. She still calls bio mum "mum" and these days I am mainly "ma". I also remind her at every opportunity that this is her home, she can live here forever if she wants and we will never leave her and together we can find a solution to every problem and that we love her. Nowadays she just rolls her eyes at me when I say that but I still say it.

Hiya no your right not one person told me or said 'it won't be an easy ride some days you will want to quit but others will make you feel on top of the world' it's certainly the hardest thing to do I feel. Because like you say you've not just got that child or children you've got the parents and there family always sticking their two pence in 🤦🏼‍♀️. Aww no way that poor little girl by the sounds of it though you've done absolutely amazing for her to call you ma that's so sweet well done and congratulations. These twos mother was never convicted for anything which she should have in my eyes they were so neglected to was horrible to see, she was allowed more contact than my brother when he didn't do anything as bad as her he chose his new partner over being a dad but he said he couldn't give them the life we could. Although he didn't ask! He just presumed because me and my partner have been together for 8 years that we could do it because I couldn't have my own children. It's unfair we had to literally stop our life's I was at college studying nails which I wanted to bad but had to quit after 4 months because of all the meetings and they always landed on my college days and then my partner worked till 8pm and the course started at 5.30pm so there was no one to watch the kids and we had our life's planned we was moving to Wales but that's had to be stopped aswell but neither of them thought about how it would effect us. Lickily the kids fitted straight in and we got to bond over lockdown but it was difficult. The little girl was similar to yours she had terrible nightmares for 6 months 3/4 a night I was literally running on empty then eventually they stopped thank god. I had the exact same with the teeth aswell El had to have 7 out 8 week after we got them but when she came round she asked for me straight away made my heart burst with so much love that she wanted me and not her mum or dad. She's literally stuck to my hip. Aww god seems like you've had a rough time especially the little girl it breaks your heart doesn't it they deserve a happy life not the horrible start they've all had but at least they have us and I'm proud of how far we've all come including your family too it feels a little better knowing iv not gone through it alone and someone else feels the way i have. Oh they are our children now we're the ones who put them to bed, wipe there tears, show them love that they deserve and hug them when they need love we're doing what there biological parents couldn't do so a massive pay on the back for us I think we're owed a massive Oscar for all our hard work 🥰 some days iv felt like I couldn't carry on but then I look at what we've achieved and how well behaved they are now there in routine lovely loving little kids always at school on time and I'm always there early after school, we go without so they have what they want to a certain extent. there not spoilt but they don't need expensive gifts and they're so appreciative for the things they receive 😊

I did the same. We started fostering when my sisters children went into care. We took them on and now we have them on long term foster. My partner had to give her job up to meet the needs of the children so that was hard. Plus the family relationship has suffered an awful lot as a result. Wouldn’t change it for the world now though and we are a happy blended family. We actually went on to foster mainstream also as we enjoyed it and now we often have an extra little one with us also.