Advice for starting out

[JuneBean19]

Hello,

I’ve always wanted to be a foster carer since I was a small child. Lots of my friends growing up were adopted or in foster care. I very nearly ended up in care with my brother due to our horrific childhood.
Because of this I’m very understanding and empathetic towards those who have suffered abuse and trauma, which has given me some good skills.

I’m in my mid 30’s and looking to leave my career in IT just before I turn 40 to foster. It’s career suicide for me as I’ll never get back into a professional IT role again, but it’s something I strongly want to do and I have the finances to support myself.

I own my own home with no mortgage and have ample savings. We have two spare bedrooms in our home and ideally want to look at long term foster care from ages 3-10.

My partner used to work as a nursery practitioner many years ago, now works in video game development. I volunteer weekly with local brownies and rainbows. We don’t have any children of our own and do not plan to have our own as I feel fostering is more important.

What are the key things the agencies will want from someone like us?

How much experience do we need? Every agency I speak to seem to be vague and it varies from some saying none to others saying we need experience.

I have a small circle of close friends and I’m very close to my brother, apart from that my family either have passed away or don’t have involvement in my life. My partner is similar, his parents live hundreds of miles away and he does not have a close relationship with them. We would be supporting the children ourselves with no real outside help. I’m presuming these things aren’t a blocker these days?

Thanks for your help! 🙂

Hi @JuneBean19!

Myself (26) and my husband (35) have just been approved to foster, So I thought Id give you some idea of what we went through during our process!

I came from a bad childhood and only speak to my 2 sisters and we have cut all contact with our birth family, I thought this might be an Issue but it wasnt. There are risks of being triggered with a child in placement or secondary trauma due to my childhood but my social worker has explained its her job to keep us safe so she will watch for any signs of this happening. But with this being a vulnerability its also one of our biggest strengths as it means I can understand what the child is feeling. (My husband had a good child hood and openly admitted he wouldnt do this if neither of us had an idea of what a child may have went through)

My husband is a manager whos 2nd in command of his branch so he has a stressful job as it but can afford for us to to life comfortably from his earnings. (One big thing with fostering is most of the time you dont get paid if you dont have a child in placement) so they do financial checks to ensure if you didnt have placement you could still manage!

We dont have any children and cant have any, This was discussed in detail as to why we didnt want to go through IVF or adopt so I would make sure you have done all the research to why fostering! Also we were asked "what if you had a child in placement and got pregnant" which we had already discussed. (I actually knew someone who only had one meeting because when they asked the same question they replied saying that wouldnt happen and they would deal with it if it did (they lived in a 2 bedroom house meaning if they did accidentally fall pregnant there wasnt enough rooms for them all!)

Experience wise we actually have very little! And we did try during covid but with restrictions couldnt get any and were still approved (it did take alot longer during the assessment to ensure we had the skills) Panel did ask us to try to get more experience whilst we wait to be matched which we are trying to do but its not a must have! My support network is small but robust and my husbands family are over an hour away but they were quite happy with our support network as it doesnt need to be support in person just someone you can speak with who will support you through all the different times. We were told we would build more support throughout our journey from the agency to their carers and even making friends with parents at the school.

Hope this helps!

Thanks for the detailed reply @MJ1995

Really helpful answer, it’s good to know they’ll ask about why we don’t want our own biological children. I want to foster for altruistic reasons and we both believe our planet is unsustainable and focus massively on our own sustainable living, we grow our own veg and keep chickens etc, sure they might think we are a bit eccentric, but hopefully that’s not a blocker! I’m sure there are plenty of people capable of having children that would rather help the ones in need.

How long did your process take end to end?

With references are they pretty standard or do they want to interview close family/friends like they do for adoption?

@JuneBean19 its as good a reason as any! I agree theres so many children who need a loving home! I would expect to be asked if you were fostering and fell pregnant how would it affect fostering and a child(ren) living with you.

I started (hopefully) growing my own veg this year for the same reasons and it was seen as a good thing as it teaches skills to a child whilst providing a bonding opportunity. (No chickens - too scared of birds!) But we do have 2 cats and a dog who were assessed as part of the process but also can provide a child an opportunity to help look after an animal which is another great skill! Cant see that being a no at all!

So for our process I originally made contact in March last year but the day we were supposed to have our first meeting lock down hit so we didnt actually start until the end of July (but the agency kept in contact & did suggest free courses for us to do) from then we had 13 visits from our social worker in person and from Christmas until June we were doing regular virtual visits. So all in all from meeting our social worker to panel it was 11 months (But due to our lack of childcare experience and covid affecting getting it being longer meant our social worker could gather more evidence to prove we had all the skills even without the experience)

References I think is different for other people, The couple i mentioned earlier got kept getting asked for more references before being told they were not suitable where as we gave 3 references. 2 personal who were both interviewed (virtually due to covid) and 1 for my husbands work. Over time a friend whos child we started looking after also gave a written reference. We met with carers from the agency virtually to ask questions and our social worker asked them what they thought about us and our ability to foster along with two of the student social workers who we worked with. So by the end we had quite alot of people giving their views on our ability which also helped us but obviously we were only asked to provide the 3 and the rest were just extra opportunities.

@MJ1995 Thanks again, really helpful!

What type of fostering did you opt for? Did you go with LA or an agency?

@JuneBean19 So we went with Agency, We had been talking about fostering for 5 years and finally felt it was time, we spent alot of time looking and finally found a small Agency who met everything we wanted. They are small and dont plan on having more than 50 carers so I felt for us it meant we would have alot more face to face time and support with them knowing we would need it!

We would prefer Long Term & Permenance (3-9yo) but we have also been approved for short term respite (3-18) placements so that we have the opportunity to get experience whilst we wait to be matched to a child.

I think it is important to include the views of children and young people in and leaving care about what sort of attributes they think a good foster carer should have - and shouldn’t have. They're the experts...
Every Local Authority has a Children in Care Council, to give their views on stuff like this, and good LAs will include these children and young people in foster carer training and selection. Some of them may even have a guide or leaflet in place that you might be able to get hold of.

@MJ1995 That sounds like a nice agency. I had hoped to use LA but they pay very little and I would still want to make some sort of meagre living! I’ve started a list of agencies that I’ll speak to and research.

It’s quite a daunting prospect going through with it all, but I know so many who have found it really rewarding, although hard work.

I’d imagine we’d be told to go with short term to gain experience initially, long term would be my goal as I feel it’s where you can offer the biggest amount of security and impact.

It would be good to hear how you find your first placement

@JuneBean19 We had thought about LA too but when we did our research it was less training but also than I was making on my minimum wage job so was really off putting. Whilst we can live on my husbands income we want to have as much as possible to provide all the things a child might need!

Defo do your research, I found the care inspectorate report came in super helpful and definitely helped me in my final decision.

It is daunting and scary, after our first few interviews we did feel and ask each other if we wanted to continue the process which is natural its a huge change!

If your goal is long term but your happy to do short term get approval for them both! We wanted long term and we have been approved for it all. During our panel meeting we did think they would only approve us for short term but they felt confident it the match was right that we could do long term.

The search is on for us. We dont know how long it will take but its a step in the right direction!

Hi I'm new here .. I have asked to be put forward to Foster my niece and nephew It saddens me that they are with Foster parents at the moment sadly separated..
The case is going to court in September and potentially my nephew who is only 4 years old could be adopted I come from a large very dysfunctional family ... My mother had a social worker when we were young ... I'm just really worried that it will hinder my chances of getting the children... Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Hi all,

Just want some advice.

I recently spent part of an evening with an ex student of mine (private music teacher) who returned from the RAF training.

I hadn't seen him in a long time and he reached out to say he wanted to see me.

I taught him for many many years and got to know the whole family very well.

Long story short, he volunteered to go into the care system at 16 to spare his younger brother having to do so.

Anyway, he's been good friends with another ex student of mine who is still in care now (she's 17).

I said he could spend the night and agreed that she was welcome to join us for the evening to catch up. I spoke to her case worker and gave my details (also due to my job I am dbs checked so I stated this and made sure she was taxid home before her midnight curfew).

So the day after, I spoke to my wife and said how proud I was of them both and I'm delighted my student has left a shady situation to better himself and find a path that he feels confident and settled in.

I just couldn't shake this girl facing a future where she soon turns 18 and is left quite lost in a system that gives her very few options (and all substandard in my eyes) with regards future accommodation and govt help.

So I just want to make some soft enquiries here about how my wife and I can make a difference if at all?

It broke my heart to learn that this girl I taught for 5 or 6 years is now in the system and has a dad who has no intention of stepping up, and a mum who has been violent toward her all her life until she called the police on her at 16.

I don't want to be her dad.

I just want her to be able to do her studies and have a safe place she can call home for as long as she needs where she can have her independence, but also have some regulated format to let her build her own life without ending up in a flat full of junkies.

I'm at a loss as where to even start.

I've Messaged her to say she can call us any time and if she ever finds herself facing homelessness then she would be welcome any time.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Many thanks

You could look at being assessed to provide Supported Lodgings www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-young-people/supported-lodging

Or when she is 18 she could become your lodger - as an adult she can live where she wants. She’d still be entitled to leaving care support.

@JoePatcul