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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Is it odd to foster when you're young?

19 replies

PennyDreadful66 · 15/05/2021 13:38

Hello all,

It's just a quick thread question really, I've been looking into fostering as I was fostered unofficially by a family friend as my own mother couldn't cope and honestly I don't know where I'd be without her and I'd like to offer the same to another child by giving them a good chance and a good life that they maybe wouldn't have had otherwise (I'm hoping we can get a long term foster eventually). I've been doing a lot of research and I have seen a lot that most fosterers are 50+ but once we apply to be a fosterer I'll be 28, my DH will be 30 and my ds will be 2.5, we both have decent jobs and mine is very flexible and I can work around the foster child (were going to ask for a child over 5 so I can work PT whilst they're at school) I'm just wondering do you think we'll be looked on negatively by the fostering agency for being "so young" or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyDreadful66 · 15/05/2021 16:43

Also would we be judged for being moderately tattooed (nothing offensive)

OP posts:
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 15/05/2021 16:45

Not at all - and no to the tattoos either - well I can't guarantee the social worker won't judge you personally but it won't affect your assessment as carers.

Redburnett · 15/05/2021 16:52

Being younger means you will have more energy, a definite advantage. However I would think carefully about it, given your own DC's young age, and the possibilities of it being more difficult than anticipated. Having said that I applaud you for even considering it.

FelicityPike · 15/05/2021 16:58

Not at all, but it might not be possible given your child’s age at the moment.
Good luck to you.

Babymamamama · 15/05/2021 17:01

Go for it but you may be only able to foster younger than your own DC. But go for it- maybe enquire via local councils and/or private agencies. Sounds like you could offer a wonderful setting.

LaTomatina · 15/05/2021 17:04

I don't think you'd be judged for your age, so long as it's clear that you are not naive about the level of challenge you're taking on.

A lot of people need to bring up their own children before they are ready to foster, because they need the parenting experience before they feel confident enough to deal with the challenges fostering may present. Looking after a child older than your own might push you into parenting situations you don't know how to cope with yet. But it might not. Depends on you really. FWIW, I think you sound awesome!Grin

Original poster
PennyDreadful66 · 15/05/2021 17:13

Thank you for the answers, I don't mind waiting until DS is older if that's more appropriate, I did ask the fostering agency what would happen if we had a baby (as I'm undecided on another biological child) when we had a long term foster and they said as long as we had enough bedrooms and everyone was settled then it'd be okay so maybe it's just initially. The social worker told me to volunteer with home start before we apply just to help with the application so I'm going to message them in a few months as we were thinking of applying at the begining of 2023, I had my own biological child so they could have a nice upbringing, be educated and travel the world (and may be go to Disney once or twice Grin) but then I started thinking we can also do that for a non biological child too, who was unfortunately born into a situation they didn't ask for then I started thinking about my grandma (family friend who brought me up, I call her grandma) and realised who I am because of her, were not rich by any means but I think we could offer a nice home which is why I wanted to ask if our age meant anything because I wouldn't mind waiting but like PP said we have more energy and can do things some 50 year olds couldn't and was hoping we could offer a traditional family setting in that sense (all families are different and that's cool, I just mean a youngish foster mum and dad who knows what fortnight is Grin)

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyDreadful66 · 15/05/2021 17:14

Grin was meant to be a laughing face, not sure why it shows as bottles haha.

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Bugalugg · 16/05/2021 08:50

Could also be worth you looking at a supported living arrangement? Its support for those who have to leave care at 18 but provides a really valuable service at a timewhen the rug can be really pulled from under them. www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-young-people/supported-lodging

MJ1995 · 18/05/2021 15:32

Age is just a number! Ive just turned 26 and my husband is 35, We go to panel for approval in June and we were worried my age would go against us! The agency we have gone with are desperate for younger carers they want to get away from the stigma that fostering is aimed at older people. The biggest thing they said to us was they can tell very quickly if your a suitable candidate or not. If approved I will be the youngest foster carer theyve ever had approved for full time fostering. (They have a 20 year old respite foster carer!) We dont have our own children and that was the biggest obstacle for us to have experience to show we can look after a child (and trying to get experience during a pandemic was difficult) but hopefully in a few weeks time well be approved and ready to start our journey! Hope all goes well and you guys can start your journey too!

reallyreallyborednow · 18/05/2021 15:40

I wanted to ask if our age meant anything because I wouldn't mind waiting but like PP said we have more energy and can do things some 50 year olds couldn't

Like what?

I’m 50 and can do a lot of things some 20 year olds couldn’t. Yes there are 50 year olds with health issues but there are also a lot of 20 year olds with issues that also mean they aren’t as active.

Don’t be so rude. And don’t say that to a social worker or assessor.

Original poster
PennyDreadful66 · 18/05/2021 15:49

@reallyreallyborednow

I wanted to ask if our age meant anything because I wouldn't mind waiting but like PP said we have more energy and can do things some 50 year olds couldn't

Like what?

I’m 50 and can do a lot of things some 20 year olds couldn’t. Yes there are 50 year olds with health issues but there are also a lot of 20 year olds with issues that also mean they aren’t as active.

Don’t be so rude. And don’t say that to a social worker or assessor.

I was mentioning what a previous poster said, there are obvious benefits to being a bit younger and I was just echoing what someone else had said, it's not an umbrella term as like you say a lot of 50 year olds are still fit and active. And it literally says SOME 50 year olds so not sure why you're offended by it as it clearly doesn't mean you??
OP posts:
Scarby9 · 18/05/2021 16:37

My neighbours married young and fostered before they had their own children, I think from the age of 22.
Other neighbours foster now. They are early 30s.
I think the legal age is 21, so you are well within the age range.

Youngfostermumx · 30/07/2021 19:33

Im 28 :) my partners 34. I think we have an advantage being the age we are as were more able to manage certain needs more effectively. The little girl we have currently had approx 4 placements that broke down due to the foster carers being within an older age bracket. Challenging behaviour ect im a mental health nurse and my partners a social worker so thats probably another factor that we have managed to sustain the placement.. Its hard though at times, however she brightens up every aspect of our life at others :)

Ragwort · 30/07/2021 19:56

There is a huge need for foster careers, of whatever age, and particularly for young people reaching 18, I volunteer at a Food Bank and we frequently have young people, leaving the care system at 18, but with no one to turn to .. so they end up collecting food from a food bank and drifting into alcohol and drug abuse. It is so, so sad ... I would love to know what the 'official guidelines' are for such youngsters, even in a half way hostel type environment there seems to be such limited support and completely disinterested 'support workers' Sad.

Madwife123 · 30/07/2021 20:16

I fostered from the age of 24. I started as a kinship foster carer, fostering a child related to me that was taken into care. They are now in their teens and we foster unrelated children as well. No one had a problem with us being younger.

We also broke the rule of fostering younger than our birth child as the related child we took on is 5 years older than my youngest child. It was fine. I think similar age would have been hard and my child would have struggled feeling pushed out but teens or younger children are always accepted without problem by my now 9 year old DD.

GoWalkabout · 30/07/2021 20:59

I think your lived experience will be very much in your favour. Be very aware of attachment issues because these will be very challenging. I know someone who fostered with one child of their own and they always made sure that she was the youngest. You might have to be around a lot to attend training, camhs appointments and social care meetings as well, its very demanding dealing with all the agencies.

SpiceWeaselBAM · 06/08/2021 06:49

I'm in my 40s and can guarantee you can do some things I can't, due to decreased energy levels! You did say 'some' so I think it was a fair comment.

mamabee1820 · 10/04/2022 14:01

Hi I'm 23 and have a 2 year old daughter and I've just started the fostering process!

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