Social workers are pressuring me to become a “Therapeutic Parent”

[KR94]

Hello

I have been an approved Friends & Family foster carer for my twin nephews for 3 years they are 7. One of the boys behaviour has always been challenging and the last year it has become so bad and violent. He is currently in the process of been accessed for ADHD & Sensory after a year long battle and putting my foot down with the local authority.

While we are waiting for the assessment they have asked me to do more courses (i have already done several) and some i do not mind but one is for Therapeutic parenting which is a 20 week course and i have actually already done the short online version over a year ago. I feel like they are pushing me into this type of parenting instead of the real issue with the child himself. Yes i understand different techniques will also help but i feel i have a good understanding of this already and implicate them. Myself and his twin get attacked daily and i just don't understand how putting me under more pressure to do this course is going to help me when hes latched onto my arm with his teeth……

Does anyone know if i can say No to courses without there being some big issue.

BTW they want me to be signed off for SGO as soon as the child is diagnosed.

If you go sgo you will probably find yourself on your own, if you can stay a foster carer as then the responsibility of the child falls on ss.

Would contact your local SEND Community disability outreach department ask if they have any vacancy's on " Total communication's" course is of a longer course but will be more centred on your child alongside other parents (local). Is same as therapeutics. May be SS are using the same system would check and sound them out. We did one was great.

What does the course entail and how hard is it for you to fit it in? Thats what I would want to balance up with how useful or not it might be. Once you have an sgo you may find it harder to get support so if available now , even if some is a repeat I would go for it. You might find one or two new ideas , you might meet some other great people. I wouldn't dismiss it , it sounds like a good opportunity to me.

Take it up it and not just to show willing
You need to be open to all approaches working in tandem
If your dn is diagnosed, you will still need behavioural techniques

Course includes most. behaviour , communications, learning comparisons with other parents. Should put child on " Pathway planning brings on board other, support systems, OT , Speech and language. physio. is a continual assessment will eventually include a educational phycologist for a final assessment to help decide, what further help and assistance could work including Educational health care plan. Also which type of school would serve the best interest and help for the child.

You do not need a diagnosis these days too help and support, yes it helps a little, The Pathway Planning replaces the old systems think the SS are out if touch. SGO is rubbish too complicated and cost cutting.

Why are you reluctant to do the course? Your nephew isn't with his parents which is a trauma in itself. Most fostered children benefit from therapeutic parenting. It doesn't mean there isn't an issue with the child, but most parents of children with SN have to change their parenting style to benefit the child.

Therapeutic parenting (with awareness of the ADHD and sensory side (possibly autism if you are experiencing a lot of lashing out) is actually a really good way to approach the difficulties you are experiencing. It isn't just attachment focused.
But I agree it is horrible when you are desperate for support day to day to be given yet another task.
I have twins and one has autism and I so remember that feeling of being patronised and fobbed off.
But I do parent therapeutically and always did I think...and it does help. DS benefited most from me understanding why he lashed out, before he lashed out. It isn't just there there apeasment, it is more thinking how you can set routines and how to talk through the plans of the day and avoid confrontations unnecessarily. ie: Ds never brushed his teeth but he ate a lot of cheese and no biscuits or juice...so he had no issues with his teeth. DS liked bear hugs and pressure, weighted blankets...we encorporated that into day, lots of rolling around, watching telly cuddled up close, reading books next to me.
Instead of consequences for bad behaviour you might focus on planning what is happening next, and "social stories" to ward off bad behaviour(TM...Google)instead of dealing with biting try to think in advance what he is frustrated about...playing, sharing, is he tired or hungry. How else could he communicate this stuff if he wasn't biting...is there another way...is there somewhere he could calm down away from you, when he feels angry , that he knows he can use. That is the sort of thing. It isn't all woffle. A lot of parents are just trying to get compliance (not you, but some) and it is another way of getting the behaviour you want but not from starting point of trying to get kids to "behave"