Teens - is it true what they say? Plus Sibling Groups and Sharing Rooms

[GiantAnt]

Hi all,
Can't seem to get the idea of fostering our of my head, it has been popping into my head every few months for a few years...
There are a couple of things I'd really like to know before I even begin to consider considering it:

Firstly, I'd be really grateful of an honest, realistic picture of fostering older kids. I like working with teens, and whilst I've heard some real horror stories, I've also heard lots of people saying it's a myth that the most teens in care are like this. Of the teens in care I've worked with, I haven't come across anything too worrying, but some of the posts on here from time to time have scared me.

I think we could manage teens getting into trouble at school, occasional smoking/soft drug use, self harm, meltdowns and occasional truanting, but I don't think I'm cut out for dealing with long term school refusal, county lines, dealing, major addiction, crime or gang involvement. I completely understand that these are likely products of trauma, but I don't think I'd be best placed to help in these circumstances. I just can't get a realistic picture of whether it's even worth considering if I don't think we could cope with these - any thoughts?

Secondly, are biological siblings able to share rooms? We have 3 double rooms spare, and each could easily fit 2 singles. I don't think we'd want to be fostering more than 1 sibling group at a time, but don't know if this would mean we would be in a position to take larger sibling groups, as I can see there is often a need for this? I'm guessing not but not sure if they make exceptions with sibling groups.

Thanks in advance!

The first thing to say is that no-one can make you take on a child or children who has a profile that you feel you could not or would not want to take on.

Make sure you are with a local authority or independent agency that will allow you to see their full back story before accepting a placement. You set your parameters and it is up to them to match.

We have lots of grandchildren in and out of the house all the time and therefore insisted on fairly "vanilla" placements and thus drugs/sexual abuse/violence etc were very much out of the question. Our usp was that we could take a large sibling group having 3 bedrooms available (as with you). This would appear to be very unusual and there was no shortage of sibling groups of 3,4 even 5. These children will often be split up due to a lack of foster carers who can accomodate larger groups (defined as 3 or more).

Room sharing is not a problem for siblings indeed in early stages it can be desirable and gives the chidren reassurance. The four sisters that we have now all previously shared one bedroom.

It is unlikely you would have more than one sibling group at the same time.

With regard to teens yes there are some amazing people who take on really complex difficult children but there are also loads of teens whose behaviour falls into "normal" boundaries and just want to be surrounded by a stable environment. Start the ball rolling and make some enquiries with a couple of agencies and a local authority and be very frank about what you are prepared to take on - and what you are not prepared to take on.

I'd like to think that you wouldn't be approached with extremely complex children as a new carer anyway, but you in charge of who you allow into your home to live there so you can say no.

I have 17 year old boy who is at college and and not a minutes trouble at all. My 15 year old girl gets in a little trouble at school because of her mouth but is lovely at home. I have had a few teenagers and they are sometimes cheeky, do daft stuff, forget the time and chance their luck but they can be great!

There is a shortage of homes for sibling groups, it would be amazing if that is what you decided to do