Birth child and foster child not getting along

[Sndrsnms]

Hi

Just after some advice we recently had a child placed with us who is 7 and our own child is 5. At first everything was great playing together all the time apparently they were best friends etc then all of a sudden our daughter is like an emotional wreck?

Constant tantrums, hates anything he does or says, will be awkward on purpose , won’t want to sit next to him or play what he wants this results in her constantly crying and it’s just exhausting.

I’ve tried giving her extra mummy time , extra affection I’ve been so patient with her constant meltdowns over these last few weeks but it’s getting to the point where it’s constant from morning until night her literally crying over anything and everything ?

Here’s an example I said why don’t we all colour in together we all had our own books and pens started colouring in and she starts crying that she doesn’t like the colour he’s using and I tell her it’s his picture he can use what colour he wants just like we all can and she spent the next 30 mins of him colouring crying ? It’s getting to the point where nothing is enjoyable . It is totally out of character for her. I worry about removing her from the situation as I don’t want her to feel left out etc.

The fs rarely does much to upset her he’s pretty easy going. I did expect a few arguments with them being closer in age?
Please has anyone got any tips ?

We prepared her best we could about fostering but we have usually had much older children which has not impacted her as much and she has been settled the full time ?
Please offer some advice ? Do you think they need more time?

Thanks x

general advice is that foster child should not be older than your child.

Your priority has to be your birth child, it's her home and if this child is fitting in with your family maybe they'd be better with a different family.

My neighbour fosters and she always has a 2 week "probation" agreement and if at that point it's not working they don't stay. She's only had 2 that haven't worked out but her children are a lot older 16 and 20.

Don't bet yourself up, not every child will be a perfect match and you need to consider your daughters feelings.

I agree with f0stercarer
When we started fostering we were told that was the recommended age gap. I know the child is with you now so that’s no help but if this child moves on I would bear this in mind for future placements.
Our FC has been with us 9 years, they came at age 4. My youngest BC was 13. I think this age gap was good as many problems and diagnosis have come along and if my own children were younger I don’t think we could have coped.
I was given the advice of just take it a day at a time, if you really think you and your family can’t cope then reassess the situation, talk it out with your Sw and if it can’t work out remember you did your best.

As a child of parents who fostered please please please put your own child first... if they arent happy then it cant continue.

My parents luckily always put me first and if i wasnt comfortable then the placement couldnt continue... sounds harsh but at the end of the day YOU chose to do this out of the goodness of your heart however your child DIDNT and deserves to be happy at home.

Please dont think im being harsh, i think your amazing for doing it (i certainly couldnt!) but your child needs to be happy too.

I am really surprised that placement was made when your child is younger than the child in placement. It’s generally recognised that the foster child should be the youngest in the family by at least two years, in order to prevent jealousy etc in a birth child. My daughter is younger than my two foster kids but that’s because they were already with me and she was a bit of a surprise! She’s been fine but I don’t think it’s been ideal for my 11 year old foster son who really could have done with staying the youngest in the family.