Wits end Covid and fostering

[Moreen63]

Am I being unreasonable.
My teen F D of 2 years is now going out and meeting lads And mates and not social distancing.
I am 58 OH 67 with diabetes. We have been very careful during the pandemic but now feeling very angry that she is meeting ppl and bringing more risk into our home for ppl she is mates with one day then fallen out the next.
I can feel the resent building up in me and fear I will go boom😭

Sadly, I think that this is what every parent of a teen is up against.
I think that you only really have a couple of choices :
1 accept the risk and appeal to her better nature for a change of attitude
2 discuss this and state that she may have to find another home if she cannot curb this behaviour because of the additional risk to you and your oh.
Then the ball is in her court. A horrid situation and I suppose that unusually you do have more of a choice than many biological parents may feel they'd have in the same situation.

Yes I agree with most of your comments except we are more the age of grandparents, most biological parents would be mid 30s/ 40s

You're going to end the foster placement aren't you ?

It seems you want to end the placement. At 58 and 67 you’re not really high risk

No, many teen parents are in their 50s these days. You need to treat this the same as a biological child. Forbid the behavior and remove privileges for non-compliance. It’s your job to teach her responsibility and the importance of being considerate to members of your household.

That’s really tough OP. I would do this:

2 discuss this and state that she may have to find another home if she cannot curb this behaviour because of the additional risk to you and your oh.
Then the ball is in her court.

Your house, your rules.

When my child will be a teenager I'll be a similar age.
And reg9of whether same age as parents or grandparents are you're loco parentis and same decisions /choices need making.

The last thing I want to do is end the placement,think you mistake me for someone who doesn’t care about her! Trust me she would have been gone long ago but she has had all the explanations, sanctions etc and won’t respect our position on this.
Can feel the judgement coming through. She is treated as a birth child for 4 years, no respite etc cos what birth parent go away without their kids.
I am a foster carer but also human and have fears of my own.
Was looking for some empathy and support here.

I’m a foster carer and having the same issues. Mine is in uni, and going to uni parties where there are horrific rates. I’ve asked her to go out locally rather than in student area but she thinks cheap beer is worth the risk to us - I was in shielding list and am considered vulnerable. I’ve suggested she moved into halls but she lives the easy life she has here. I’m beginning to feel very bitter towards someone I considered a daughter ( while also having huge sympathy). I have no suggestions but you aren’t alone.

To those saying ‘treat as a birth child’ you really have no idea. Fostered teens usually have very little loyalty ( a combination of attachment issues and the system) in the way most birth children do. It’s a very different situation. And we cannot our in the same boundaries as we can with birth children.

My response was meant as its irrelevant whether @Moreen63 is more similar in age to most parents or grandparents.

It's a hard decision to make.

But sadly, they have to put their health first of the teen is not willing to moderate their behaviour.

I'm mid 40s and was shielding until August. Not typical for my age, but my child had to have restrictions as a result. However, my child isn't a teen.

Yes my house my rules results in her slamming doors yelling and going out anyway. As I had today when I tried pointing out how the Covid situation Is deteriorating and asking her to think about that plus the risks of std etc meeting 3 different boys n a week.
De escalation is needed not more rows to avoid a bid wedge forming.
Thank you @copperblack

@Moreen63

Yes my house my rules results in her slamming doors yelling and going out anyway. As I had today when I tried pointing out how the Covid situation Is deteriorating and asking her to think about that plus the risks of std etc meeting 3 different boys n a week. De escalation is needed not more rows to avoid a bid wedge forming. Thank you *@copperblack*

The situation remains the same though, protecting yours and your ohs lives versus continue doing nothing and potentially live to regret the indecisiveness/lack of action.

Ultimately, are you really in a position to continue with this, knowing that covid risks are increasing due to numbers and R rate doubling?

Even worse if you have other children, that they could be parent less in a short time due to her....