Thinking of fostering...

[DanniArthur]

Hi all, this is probably a bit early to be asking but DP and I had a conversation last night about children and we agreed we are very interested in fostering more so than having another biological child. We have 1 DD who is 2 years old. She is a very placid lovely child. Would she be too young atm?
I work flexible hours and DP works 4 days a week so DD only went to nursery 1 day a week. Can we continue to work and foster?
We are very calm, caring people and have a decent sized house so I think we could offer a child alot. Only thing is little extended family. DP was in foster care himself and I am estranged from my abusive parents. I have 1 sister and we have a lot of friends though who treat DD as their niece. I know we've a lot more talking and thinking about logistics to do but I love children and have experience supporting mental health issues so the thought of fostering got me very excited.

No expert but usually foster parents don’t have young children of their own (I think your own dc need to be over 10).
Maybe when your LO is older it could be possible.

Ah ok. I thought DD may be a bit young atm thank you for getting back to me. It's definitely something we will look at in the future

You need to approach your local agency rather than ask here as many will have different rules.

Some are you can foster a child in a different age to your own. So you could have an older child along with you 2 year old.

I went to an introduction to fostering course over 6 weekends, I decided afterwards i'd wait until my children were at secondary school to take it any further. Its a huge commitment and I would have had to prioritise getting the FC to their school over my kids getting their's. FC come with a multitude of issues and I didn't think I could fully commit until my kids are teens.The course really opened my eyes, might be worth checking one out.
there's local authority fostering and private fostering.

We chose to foster children younger than our own. We felt our children would be safer that way, and also be good at being the sensible big siblings.

A friend did the opposite, fostered teens much older than her DDs which also worked really well.

You don't use tend to use child care for fostered children- they need stability from carers- so you'd need to be sure you can cover the care between you.

@CuckooCuckooClock

No expert but usually foster parents don’t have young children of their own (I think your own dc need to be over 10). Maybe when your LO is older it could be possible.

There is no such rule. Look up your local fostering team at your LA and give them a call/email.

Ok my apologies. I did say I wasn’t an expert.

A word of caution- my bil and sil fostered an older teenager (not in uk so totally different rules) when their own dc were 1, 3 and 5.
The FC stayed for about 10 months then ran away (she was amazing but needed money and they wouldn’t let her get a job). Their dc were absolutely heartbroken (as were bil and sil - they’d expected her to stay until adulthood) They’d grown extremely attached (esp the three yo. - FC had done quite a lot of childcare). I had personally (and possibly a little cold heartedly) kept my own dc away from FC because I was worried this would happen and I wanted to protect them from the pain.

I foster, I foster babies and under 5s, my birth children are both adults. It is extremely hard on your birth children, the children (even babies) often come with high levels of trauma which can be hard for everyone involved. My LA doesn't allow foster carers who take under 5s to work but I know some do, I had to give up work when we started fostering and there are times when we feel we are living our lives under a microscope.

I am an ex-foster child myself and came from a traumatic, abusive background that in itself isn't a barrier but the preparation work can be very hard.

Hi I work for my la and I have 4 children aged 1,13,16 and 18. We are currently fostering 3 children aged 2-7

Hello!

Lovely to hear your story. I’m just looking for some more information really, I’m 21 in a few weeks time and have been looking to foster for a long time. Me and my partner of 4 years both have steady jobs, he’s 25 we have a 3 bed house. Do you think we are eligible? I know it’s 21 as the minimum age but I just feel like I’m going to be laughed at!

You are eligible, Shannon! Ring some local agencies and ask for more information.

My neighbour has fostered children for many years. It has been a huge commitment for her and her husband, and the wider family. I suggest you talk to some current foster carers for the 'warts and all' side of fostering.

I have been a foster parent for years. We did short term at first but now have two girls long term.i agree with pp that it works best when the fostered children are younger than your own, that has been the case in our experience. I would also advise waiting until your youngest child is at least 10, again based on my experience. Having 'strange' children in your home can be very rewarding, but it is not easy. You have a two year old. You might foster a child of say, 12, who uses foul language, is aggressive, and sexually inappropiate for example. Not because they are 'bad' but because all of that, and worse, was normal in their home. You need to consider what you might be exposing your child to. I am not trying to put you off at all, we fostered some lovely children and our two long term dc are like our own daughters, but you have to be prepared for the worst.

@picklemewalnuts

You are eligible, Shannon! Ring some local agencies and ask for more information.

Thank you, I had a phone call today regarding it and I wasn’t made to feel silly!

i have 2 toddlers ages 1 and becoming a teen fosterer, My LA doesnt mind as long as i know the implications and that its hard work.

My parents fostered when me and my siblings were small. They fostered teenagers (I was about 7, my siblings were 6 and 1). It worked well to begin with and we liked the foster child. She ended up leaving because she found a relative to take her permanently. The next foster child was a bit more difficult and they stopped because it was impacting on us. So bare that in mind with young children.

I’ve been a fc for 8 years. My youngest was 13 when we started.
I am glad we waited as it has been very hard on my birth children at times and they have missed out on a lot of things.
I would have felt guilty if they were younger. Some fc come with a lot of behavioural problems. They come from trauma, they need all of your time and attention.