Fostering...can we do it

[Sportbilly]

I am a 43 year old man who is living with my partner, 6 month old baby, and my partners 11 year old son and we have just started on the road to being foster carers.

We are under no illusion that this will be incredibly tough and challenging, however, the social worker who is visiting us almost seems to be putting us off the idea with some scary stories.

What are the realities and experiences for new and first time foster carers.

Our only real concern is not getting a violent or very aggressive child as anything else I think we could handle.

Also, how does it work in terms of ages as our preference would be not to take any child older than our eldest who is 11?

For foster parents or new foster parents what are or have been the toughest things and challenges?

We really want to try to help children in need but do not want to embark on it if it will be too much. Is it normal to be having these thoughts at this point?

It seems a strange move with a 6 month old baby. I’m surprised the social worker hasn’t told you to focus on the baby.

We are focussed on the baby. It is no different to many families with working parents, just in this instance one job would be as a full time foster carer.

Yeah, you really should wait until your baby is at least 2 before thinking about this.
Fostering is really intense. Social workers will tell you the hardest bits to weed out people who have idealised views of what it will be like.
Foster carers are amazing. But it's more than a job.

I was in foster care from age 6. You'll get what you're given to some extent. I was placed in homes that weren't suitable for the family or me. You won't really know what to expect every child is different and could easily develop anger issues or issues that weren't mentioned or an issue before. Maybe consider rest bite before jumping into full time placements as it's hard for the kids that constantly get moved around that don't fit the families ideal.

I had so many social workers that often you'll find they don't always know the child that well and probably have like 50 or more under their care.
I would focus on your baby for awhile but that's just me. It can be very stressful and not something to just jump into.

A young baby can put strain on a relationship the best of times and you could easily have a kid that runs away gets angry breaks things, self harm. At same time it could work out and go smoothly so I'd think about worst scenario's and think if you could cope with that.

If you're thinking about this as just another job to bring in an income, this isn't right for you. Think about why you want to foster care.

You will be allocated anything and everything, some children will have issues that will only present once they are in your placement, issues that social workers are not aware of or choose not to be aware of to make a placement.

I'm surprised they will even consider you with children that young, these children need you to give them time and attention when they are most vulnerable. What effect will this have on your own children?

These are all questions you need to really think about.

As an experienced foster Carer myself your comment that your set up would be no different to many working families concerns me.

It is absolutely different and you are being naive in your thoughts.

Looked after children have many issues which need to take priority and this would not be possible, in my opinion, with a young baby in the family.

This can be a very intense experience placing many demands upon the family and I for one would not recommend it until baby is much older and not completely dependent upon you.

I am prepared to be corrected if other foster carers say different.

@cassimim has a lot of experience in this area too.

Sorry that should read @cassimin

Fair points and will take them on board.

Why has the fostering agency and or social workers not blocked us then (due to our young family) if it is such a no no? Not saying the posters here are wrong btw

We have been fostering for nearly 8 years. Our youngest was 13 when we started.
I am so glad we waited, I know other carers have fostered with young children but there is no way I would have.
Your children take a back seat when you foster. The foster child’s needs come first.
The children you will be looking after come from trauma. They have needs that will not be apparent at first. They may also have disabilities that are not diagnosed.
Our child has been with us 7 years. They came with no disabilities. They are now diagnosed with ADHD, asd, pda, sensory processing difficulties.
I spend my life fighting for help for this child,attending meetings, attending medical appointments, taking them to clubs, therapies etc. This would be impossible if I had young children.
I would say if you really want to make a difference you should wait until your children are older.
Also I do not know any carers with children under 2 so although SW is not saying this you may wait a long time for a child to come.

Equally very suprised you would be approved with a baby

Why has the fostering agency and or social workers not blocked us then

My best guess is there may be a shortage of foster carers so they'll at least consider most applications even if not applicable.

Even if not suitable*