Any social workers? Family and Friends medical assessment - drugs

[namechange951413]

NC for this as I'm sure I will be heavily judged.

My little sister (S) moved in with me, DH and our 2 children 18 months ago. She has just this week turned 16. She ran away from our mum's due to multiple issues, all backed up by a long history with Children's Services. She is happy here, loved and cared for, but we get no support - financial or otherwise - and I recently approached CS for help. They want to assess us to be 'friends and family foster carers' for her, which will open up support for us and for S.

The assessment is rightly very thorough.
Points in our favour include;

• S has already lived with us for 18 months.
• S is (and our own children are) clean, fed, happy, attending and doing well at school, attend extra curricular activities, needs are met (eg I take her to appointments as required such as dentists or doctors).
• Referees (mother-in-law, close friend, our employers and our own children's school teachers) have all provided very positive character references for us.
• Our home is 'big enough', and is safe and well maintained.
• Both DH and I have jobs with long service.
• No criminal history, backed up by DBS checks.
• My medical history is fine, PND after my first child but otherwise nothing major.

But there is one thing I'm panicking about. 8 months ago DH went onto anti depressants. They seemed to make him feel worse and really weren't helping. His doctor advised him to 'give them time to settle'. 2 months after starting the meds, he went out with some friends one night, bumped into an old school friend, and my DH of almost 20 years took cocaine. He met up with this 'old friend' a handful of times following this to take cocaine. I was devastated when he told me, but it was so incredibly out of character that I said I would be supportive on the condition he speaks to his doctor about what's happened, gets his meds changed, and doesn't do it again. He did just that, and he blocked the friends number, and I'm confident that he hasn't done anything since.

But of course this is on his medical file now... and CS rightly want to run medical checks... and I'm terrified this will cause issues. I'm terrified S will be forced to move out if we don't get through the assessment

Are there any social workers, or anyone with any sort of experience, who could perhaps offer any words or advice?

It's difficult, the GP check may be as little as a letter saying "fit and well, no reason not to foster". But it may say more.

Therefore the best advice I can think is to be entirely open and honest. I'd speak to your assessing SW before the medical check to get in front of it. Explain the whole situation as you have here - your response to his behaviour only shows you in a good light after all. You perhaps don't need to go into detail about number of times etc. Just - antidepressants, felt worse, on a couple of occasions he took cocaine with a friend on a recreational basis/not a day to day or daytime thing, you were horrified when you found out, immediate trip to doctors, friends number now blocked and not seen, extremely out of character for him and you feel entirely linked to his depression - which is perhaps now on the way to being more resolved with correct meds(??). They may want to explore if your sisters arrival triggered the depression or if it was something else but otherwise they would be looking to make a balanced decision, as if she is settled with you and wants to be with you they are going to be loathe to move her. If it gets found out you have hidden something then that reflects on you worse really. You being open and honest will reflect well on you as a person and say a lot about your character.

I'd try and have the conversation face to face though. Your anxiety and worry about it will come through more than just a verbal conversation. You and DH both need to consider how he feels he would approach future depressive bouts - realistically. What other support networks does he have in place, does he have positive friends and family to turn to if needed in future. He needs to express his remorse and surprise in himself. You need to show how it's affected your relationship - perhaps it's brought you closer as he now really sees he should have confided in you in the first instance and you feel like despite how awful it was when you found out you now have a greater understanding of each other. Or something. Basically need to show it's something that has been learned from as opposed to brushed under the rug.

Maybe that helps.

@Jenala thank you so much for taking the time to reply. We absolutely plan to be honest about it before the medical is done - the assessing SW is visiting Monday and we will be speaking to her about it then. It really is the only thing we're worried about so I hope they do look at the whole picture.

I didn't consider about how DH would handle any potential depression in future, that's a good point. I will talk to him about this.

Thank you again for responding.

No problem. I hope it goes ok. I do feel they should look at the whole picture, if that really is the only potential concern. We have enough children we can't find good placements for, moving a settled teenager is really something to be avoided if at all possible!

They will be considering the fact that down the line, fostering your sister has a high chance of potential stress. Not specific to her as I don't know her situation but as a general commitment. Hence considering how you feel you'll both manage future stress or depression in a healthy way. Support networks are a big one, being able to show you have people around who know you and you can turn to.

Good luck!