Hi all,
Quick question. I have a relative who I’m not considered a direct relative of. Social services and her parents are deeply concerned for her wellbeing. She is 10.
She has been jumping from one home to another, one country to another. And I find her situation devastating.
Her parents have seeked me out to help. But I’m genuinely unable to commit to anything as I have kids that take up my time and energy. But I have a nagging guilty feel about what I could do to help out because I wasn’t in a similar position to this girl when I was her age.
Social services have been involved with this girl since an early age but she has been now outside the country for a while away from both her parents and with her grandparents. She is devastated to say the least and I don’t think she is happy about being away from her parents with no contact but her parents aren’t coping with it (health reasons..).
Anyway, DH and I are quite young. We considered few times to take her on to live with us but as she is quite demanding and to be honest will take on a lot of my effort (she has developed mental/emotional issues) , I really do need to be fair on myself and my kids and see whether we would be able to be supported financially for this arrangement as I would otherwise be compromising my own responsibilities. I feel really bad to admit but I would not be able to cope without any money involved.
I am NC with her father and he has been hands off from her life for few years and he is currently the person who was instructed by courts to pay for her but I don’t think I can rely on him to support this arrangement and it would be minimal and negligible if so.
I am not entitled to any benefits as it stands for me and my kids. I am currently a SAHM with tiny ones but had a successful career before and want to go back to that once they’re old enough. I would either be spending my spare time pursuing my education part time and working freelance to go back to my field of work or looking after this girl. It would be a huge compromise for me but worthy because I know it will make a big difference to her life.
It would not be fair on my husband and family though to be financially and emotionally compromised and I’m wondering whether anyone knows whether under such arrangement we would be entitled for adequate financial support.
I know as a private foster the parents are responsible. I don’t think that’s possible in her case. And unlike any normal private Foster situation this girl is in fact extremely demanding and won’t just be easy to fit in to the family and would require a lot of hard work from both me and DH and a lot of spending from our side too.
Please feel free to be brutally honest.
Thank u