Respite

[Mosh2690]

Had 3 sibs for over 4 years, at the beginning we were told once they were settled we could have regular respite it was a long battle but “approved” after 18 months due to me being with an ifa and no respite carer it has never been regular however last year the la said it would like us to have no respite we said we wouldn’t accept this and the iro said we needed it as did our ssw and the children’s sw yet I’ve just been told there was no contract for supported respite despite it being minuted in every lac review.this week they have said it’s been to panel again and once again we have been denied respite ! How can we appeal this we have threatened to put notice in due to various problems with la any ideas were we go with this ?

Aa

Difficult. What are your reason for wanting respite and what are the reasons for it being declined?

We have 3 very different children who all have their own issues they are 24-7 and absolutely wearing how can we do our best if we don’t get any time to recharge our batteries we have tried twice before with respite and both carers refused to have them again which says something

They didn’t give any reason just said its refused we are at the end of our tether now yet la seem oblivious to this

I would be asking for a reason why it has been refused again and maybe explain the difficulties in an email or letter? Sometimes authorities have the view that long term placements should be treated the same as birth children ie you dont get a break unless its from family and friends, obviously the difference being these children clearly have additional needs. I think you just need to be clear with ur sw and the childrens that you love them very much but how diffcult 24/7 care is and the impact on you.

Presumably you get the standard two weeks a year, or whatever it is?

Have you thought about other ways of managing? I deeply regret not getting more cleaning and housekeeping support when I had a big group. Also, organising things better- each of us having days off while the other was in charge, splitting the children up for activities so it wasn't always the full complicated gang.

I hope you get more support. It is draining.

I’ve explained our difficulties in an email they have replied by saying no respite in long term placements, it took 18 months of battling to get respite at all and now it’s been taken away
Or agency allocates 10days I’m sorry this is not enough these children have different difficulties and deep rooted problems. I can see were your coming from saying split them but that would mean even less time with my partner and own children who are all older . This may not be a nine to five job but it’s demanding and draining and we are entitled to a break it’s not healthy other than school the children are with us 24/7 no one will have them anymore due to behaviours last two carers said no to having them again. What is the point in lac reviews if then local authorities just go back on things out in place ?

I agree Mosh, they were just suggestions for in the meantime. Taking turns to have special time with your birth children, splitting them into groups etc. may help tide you over. Are any of your birth children old enough to look after any of the little ones? Our life became dramatically easier when our eldest two were assessed as being able to look after the littles for short periods. We could go out for a walk as a couple, go for a meal occasionally etc.

In terms of getting the respite sorted, who else is involved?
Does your IFA social worker support you, but the LA panel not?
IFAs offer quite a lot of money, if I remember correctly, can you afford to buy in support?

The last threat is of course placement breakdown.

My ssw the children’s sw and the iro supported respite it’s just the la refuse to listen. My own children are all old enough to do the respite but none of them are trained to deal with these kids it’s not their job they would help out of needed bit they all work full time it’s not fair.
I’m afraid it’s not a threat anymore we can’t keep going on as we are school acknowledges how difficult the children are and also supported our need for a break, it seems madness that la would rather a placement breaks down rather than giving carers some recharge time we will suffer giving the children up which I don’t want to do but ultimately it’s the kids that will suffer the most at the beginning of placement it was always noted respite would be given to support the placement

Give notice and you will likely get respite

They have no money and it will be a deliberate money saving tactic until people give notice

I honestly can’t see any other way to get them to sit up and take notice of our situation they just think ignore them they won’t do anything about it . If I put notice in can I retract it ? I don’t want to do it but feel so strongly that they are messing about !

Definetly messing you about.
I am with IFA have my own fc long term, been with us 8 years. Had respite at very beginning as we had a long haul holiday already booked. They were very young and didn’t want to take them (injections, malaria tablets). Haven’t asked for it again, despite them having adhd and asd, I know it’s there if I need it though.
I’m currently looking after another 2 children as a respite carer for their foster parents.
I have them for 2-3 weeks per year to give their carers a break.
Do you have a hand book with agreement from IFA?

Wow, and they wonder why there's such a shortage of foster carers. They are seriously fucking you over.

Just feel completely let down by the la and my own ifa - why do these people think they are dealing with robots ? Are we not entitled to some time to ourselves we take onboard all these children’s problems yet we are at the bottom of the pile ! I will not do long term after this placement at the beginning your offered the world but as soon as your building a relationship with the kids they offer you nothing no respite no support !

They always lie and say there will be respite and support just to get people to do it, it's all a con.