Ex wants to foster

[Hoggirl765]

Hi my ex and his wife alphabet applied to become foster parents. Social services have contacted me for information. I completed their form and now they want to speak to me face to face. My answers in their questionnaire would not have put my ex in a good light. Everything I said I backed up with evidence. Eg a copy of the child arrangements order for our youngest child which also includes a prohibited steps order against my ex. Does anyone have experience in this. What are they likely to ask. I feel like I'm going to be in "trial". After 8 years of separation after 30 years together I had really only just put it all behind me and this has brought it all back again. I'm also worried that they will want to speak to our youngest child. She is now 14 nearly 15 but still has issues where her father is concerned and I don't want her dragged into it.

Could you decline the face to face appointment? State that everything they need to know was in the form and supporting evidence, and you will not be dragging uncomfortable memories up or asking your daughter to do that for your exs benefit?

Maybe after your interview there will be no need to involve your dd? Very good that you have been honest op. No cared for dc needs to be with a man like him...

Sorry you’re having to drag this all up again. I would think you would be perfectly fair in refusing to bring your dd into it. They can’t make you or her say anything, remember you are giving the reference voluntarily.
And it is up to them to tease out the facts from how you felt about your ex.

I had something similar with my dsis who I love dearly and would never act in a dangerous, abusive or coercive manner, but when she was applying to foster I wrote a reference and then they wanted to speak on the phone to follow up. I explained my reservation which was not damning at all and subjective. The social worker I spoke to assured me it would be confidential.

I sit on Fostering panels. You won't be 'under trial' in any way, shape or form. They will mostly want to have a chat to gather more detail and background info as they will have concerns. It is possibly they may ask to speak to your DD to find out her view of being parented by her DF. You don't have to agree to this. Is she aware of the fostering application? Could you ask her to write down some stuff for the fostering team?

The problem is that when people separate things happen, they need to differentiate between parents jostling for their kids attention and/or trying for custody and parenting skills/safety. Your opinion is justifiably a coloured one and they probably just need to clarify a few things so they have the correct justification for turning them down, or, sufficient evidence to believe that they are now suitable. Remember they don't know you are let's say, many former partners are bitter.