Technically, this girl isn't our foster kid. she's a distant relative that no one in our family of 6 had either meet or heard of until the day she needed a home, so even though we didn't know her, we took her in. She still did come with all the issues that a lot of foster kids have. Both parents are alcoholics and drug abusers, her mother signed her custody away after receiving a felony child abuse charge for slapping her in front of a police officer. Her father is verbally abusive, manipulative and constantly blames everyone else for his issues. She refuses to talk to her father but for some reason idolizes her mother. Her father is currently homeless. Her mom is a "high functioning alcoholic" who can get up for work so she can pay the bills but still is always drunk or abusing drugs. She came to live with us when she was living with her father and he nearly drank himself to death, along with losing a place to live. So he signed over guardianship to us. That was 2 years ago. We have been told by her therapist and psychiatrist that she has "Reactive Attachment Disorder" along with PTSD. Both of her doctors have been working with her on those issues for the past 2 years as well (she sees her therapist once a week) and both have become frustrated with her because she tries to manipulate them into believing that her mother isn't drinking, that our family is abusing her, and that all her problems would be fixed if she could just move back to California to live with her mom (California is where she grew up) instead of talking about her real problems and how to move past them. Both of them have told us that she's not getting all that she could be out of therapy because of this (obviously none of them buy into what she says bc they know how to detect deception and manipulation). On top of all of this, she has picked on my youngest since the day she moved in(he was 10 when she moved in), thankfully he doesn't seem too bothered by it and tends to find ways to "get her back" like hopping in the shower she started for herself once she leaves the room to change, small "little brother stuff" like that. She has always gotten mouthy and started an argument over the simplest things. She's the worst out of all of the kids when it comes to doing chores but then complains about "how messy the house is". She latched onto my husband but constantly alienates me (her therapist says this is bc of the issues she has with her mother that she hasn't dealt with yet) and she takes up every single second of his time when he is home. He works long days outside and then comes home with paperwork that still needs to get done, usually its to argue or discuss the same issues (like having a curfew, not being able to have electronics out after a certain time bc otherwise she will be on the phone all night, why she needs to ask before leaving the house) over and over again. This happens almost every single time he steps in the door. She loves to think she is the parent and can control anything she wants and once she's grounded and privileges are taken away she says we "have no right". She constantly runs away during her tantrums, punches anything in sight, and plays the victim anytime she's in trouble, blames somebody else, or turns it around on us and says "you guys don't accept me, thats the real problem" which is absolutely her favorite card to play. This behavior has been constant for the past 2 years with it only slowly getting worse. Just this past month we discovered that she has been vaping (using a Juul) as well as selling them at school, tried edibles and smoked weed (we drug tested her and took her phone where we found the messages and videos), hacked into my husbands phone to read our messages, took pictures of the ones about her, sent them to her BOYFRIEND in CALIFORNIA (fantastic idea isn't it?) and she's been sending naked pictures to her boyfriend as well. And does she take responsibility for any of this? No. She threw a holy fit when we took her phone, ipad (bio grandma bought her that), computer (bio uncle bought her that), and her drivers lisence until she was 18 bc while smoking, she was in a moving vehicle where the driver was also high, and she's grounded from friends for a month. But she doesn't care about any of her punishments and thinks she can "do whatever she wants". Found messages on her snapchat where she logged into it on her friends phone while at school and told her friends thats what she had done. So we changed her password, our other kid that drives and takes her to school caught her vaping AGAIN, thinks she's still selling Juuls to her classmates and says she thinks one of her friends bought her a burner phone. So we called the school resource officer so she could search her bag and locker. All of my biological kids are done (two of them started seeing their own therapist since she moved in and one has been diagnosed with depression) and one even told her to pack her stuff and get out if thats how you're going to treat this family and she's been the one advocating for her to stay this entire time to my other kids and even she has hit her limit with her. Me and my husband don't know what else to do, we have followed everything the therapist(s) have recommended (even taking her on a trip to California to see friends, family and see what her mother is really like, and she just spent most the time with her friends and instead of family. To top it all off, her mother only seen her for less than two hours out of our 16 day trip) and nothing has helped at all. We've done family therapy, try to do family activities where she either finds a way out of them or bails out (like when we all went to a movie and she got up and went into a different movie without even asking), she either doesn't want a family at all or just doesn't want us. Are we just not the right people to be taking care of her with the issues she has? Is there anything else that the therapist(s) haven't recommended that we could try? Or is it just time for us to call it quits? The biggest issue we have with giving up is non of her biological family members are willing to take her or anybody else for that matter! So if we give up she really will end up in the foster care system. But is it the right thing to do? Me and my husband argue constantly now (about her), my kids have all become distant from him since she latches onto him and refuses to let them have their own quality time with him unless she is there. My oldest in college doesn't come home as often as she used to specifically because of this, my second oldest is about to leave and do the same thing, my third child has depression and is probably the one who's struggling the most. My fourth kid is the only one not seriously struggling but still doesn't want her here either. Please help, I'm open to absolutely anything as long as it helps put our family back together.