Kinship foster care to adoption

[Dwalk]

Hi all I’m new to all this so bare with me. We have been looking after our nephew officially for 2 years now he just turned 3 in feb, however before this we had him a lot too.
We are in Scotland so we get a residency order or permancy order which our social worker doesn’t believe would be best for our little one therefore we are going for permanency with authority to adopt. I know this is rare for a family member to be able to adopt but the family is very complicated and is too long a story to get into, I would need to write a book.
Once the little one is adopted he will
Still have contact with birth father my partners brother, currently he sees little one once per week for 2 hours but I’m wondering if when he is adopted this will change.
Our social worker came for a catch up on Monday as we had a few little issues, we organise contact with bf ourselves and wanted to speak to social worker about things he had been saying to lo, at this time she mentioned that in July we will have a matching panel, I’ve read about this in adoption ect but not sure what it will include for us considering the child has been with us for 2 years now and we are relatatives.
After this panel in July how long will it take for the adoption to be finalised.

Also she mentioned about what little one calls us, at the moment it’s by our first names (used to be mummy) but bm kicked up about it and sw made it stop which is silly now because it’s going to make lo even more confused as after adoption we will officially be his mummy’s even though we are that now. Both myself and my partner arnt married either so when little one is adopted and given new birth certificate what happens to his second name can we choose it?

Sorry for the long post but if you have made it this far then well done and hopefully some of you will be able to settle my mind.

Hi OP I have no advice but it seems like your questions are more focused on the adoption side so you should request this get moved to that board as there are some really knowledgeable and lovely posters there that may be able to help answer your questions.

I’ll report your post well to request it moved.

Hope it all goes well for you and lo.

I'm a SW in England so don't want to give you wrong advice. It would be highly unusual to have a child with relatives for 2 years without a permanent plan being in place for exactly the reasons you say - the child will be confused when they move from calling you names to mummy, contact is far too often to promote their attachment and identity in your family. I would be recommending to the court that contact reduces massively, once or twice a year at that age would probably be the maximum (though it would depend on individual circumstances which I don't know in your case)
Adoptive parents should be able to choose the surname.

can he keep his name for a while. maybe let him chose it when he is older and have a naming ceremony. And maybe if you don't want to marry for your own choice you could create your own family forming ceremony, you have now created your family and that is such a wonderful thing to honour.

You sound amazing. Kudos to you and your partner.

It’s a very complicated family and really it should have been to permanency well before now however last summer we moved to a different social worker and she really has been fantastic all about the lo and what’s in his best interest which is what it should be all about. The reason behind not going for either of the orders as because with a residency order we would share parental rights with birth parents and there’s too much conflict and therefore wouldn’t be good for lo and for the permanency order he would still be a lac therefore eventually in his future he would have to attend meetings which only opinion I feel like he doesn’t need to attend. If we adopt him then he is free to live a normal life and be part of a family and feel like a normal child. I hope that once it goes to court the contact with bf gets reduced however lo has five other brothers and sisters 3 of which stay with my partners mum which is also bf mum and these kids have a different social worker from us. Bm hasn’t seen lo in a year and it’s going back to panel next week to stop contact as at the moment it’s at once per month which she hasn’t attended. As for his second name my partner and lo have the same second name and I think it’s best to change it to mine to give him a fresh start. Do you know how long this process takes and have you ever done this before with family?