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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Ending a long term placement

7 replies

Sunshine35 · 28/04/2018 17:40

I have been a long term foster parent to my foster daughter for nearly four years. However since she started high school her personality has change dramatically. I have been assaulted, she steals time and time again, I have to deal with anger issues and terrible abussive language. I was assaulted last month where I needed to visit a doctor. I have asked for support often but feel terribly let down by the service. I have lost weight with the stress of it all and tried so very hard to form a good attachment again and support my foster daughter in choosing the right path in life, this has all fallen on death ears. I poured my heart out this week to my SSW line manager and she now says the placement needs to move on. I’m left feeling very emotional, guilty, deep sadness but also relief. I’m told I have to write a letter giving my 28 days notice but wasn’t given any advice on how. I work in education in a full time job so ideally I would like to type the letter this weekend. I would really appreciate some advice on how I could start the letter and points to include. Many thanks xx

OP posts:
Cantchooseaname · 28/04/2018 17:46

I don’t have direct experience of fostering, but it sounds like you have given the girl a lot. You have given her a stable and loving home. Right now, she needs something different- I think maybe you would be doing her dis-service by keeping placement going.
I would write, like you have here, outlining what you have done and given her, and what the issues are.

Please be kind to yourself- you are doing something most people would not even contemplate doing.

bluenose59 · 28/04/2018 21:34

Just include all the points you have made in your post.And make sure you stress the point that you feel you have been let down with lack of support.This job is hard enough with the help we are promised in situations like the one you find yourself in.and are nigh on impossible without it.
I would not be surprised if you were offered help within a couple of days of your letter arriving.Do not beat yourself up over the predicament you find yourself in because you know deep down that you have done all you possibly can to save this placement.

flossietoot · 28/04/2018 21:39

I am also a long term foster carer- my 19 year old moved out after 8 years in February when the placement completely broke down, and like you, social work massively failed both him and my husband and I. It is incredibly upsetting.
My only advice now we have started to come out the other side, is don’t feel bad it has needed to come to an end. You have done your best, and you need to also look after yourself. Be kind to yourself and take a few months to just chill out and enjoy being without the stress of a foster placement that is on the brink of failing.

Original poster
Sunshine35 · 28/04/2018 23:30

Thank you so much for your kind comments it means so much to hear I’m not the only foster carer who has and is experiencing a very difficult time. The guilt is terrible and I know when she finally does leave I will be terribly upset. I have even thought of handing in my notice as I’m not sure I can do this again. My foster daughter was my very first child I fostered and it was difficult at first as she was grieving for her family but with support we got through this and many other challenges, far too many to mention. I will take time out and see how I feel but once again thank you so much for replying and being kind. 😘

OP posts:
atthecopacopacabana · 29/04/2018 14:16

Sounds. Like you're absolutely doing the right thing here. I have found however that ending a placement can be like swimming in treacle - so make it very clear in your letter that your decision is final. SS didn't even begin looking for a new carer for a young person who lived with us until our notice had ended and we were ringing them every day for an update.

Original poster
Sunshine35 · 29/04/2018 15:56

Oh dear, I hope this isn’t so as for both of us we need to move on. All I’ve done is cry today, I am so emotional as I feel like I’m losing my own child. I’m having to keep myself busy as when I stop I think. I’m fine when I’m in work as I teach but at home it’s very difficult. I have had a chat with my foster daughter today to see if she would like future contact every now and then in a letter form in the future as SW ask. I explained if she didn’t or found it difficult then that’s ok. I just want to her have a happy life.

OP posts:
atthecopacopacabana · 29/04/2018 16:39

It is stressful. I do understand. Get on the phone in the morning and get the ball rolling,and keep following it up.

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