I've been asked if I would be able to foster my sister's baby

[May1525]

I have recently came into contact with my eldest sister who is 26 she has had 4 children which 3 of them have been put up for adoption. She is currently living in an assessment unit with her 4 month old baby. She is currently going through the courts to see if she can keep the baby or not. I had a phone call earlier today from the baby's social worker asking if I would take on her baby if she was not able to carry on looking after him. I have two children of my own, I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old baby. I will need to sacrifice a lot to look after her baby too and I need some advice about what to do. I also haven't been given much time to think about it. 😊

Personally I'd go for it no questions asked.m, as ultimately even if I'd just come in to contact with my niece it would break my heart that she had gone into the system when she could have had a loving home with me.

It will of course reastically be a big ask as effectively you will have two babies to look after who want your constant attention, we all know one is hard work, let alone two!
there is of course a lot of financial help out there for fostering, not sure the exact figures but the local authority will give you about £200 a week to look after her.

Do you have good support network for yourself at home? People you can rely on if sometimes things are a bit tough?

Don't do it. My mum did this for her sister.
It happened with 6 kids. Every time she would come back claiming to have sorted her life out. Half a year later Social would be bringing them back to my mum. This time even more damaged than the first.
Fast forward 15 years later the first niece she took in is now an addict with her son in care. Would my mum take her kid too? Now 10 great nieces and nephews in care from my various cousins.
Mum regrets it every day. If the kids had been adopted in the first place they might have stood a chance.

I realise I might have assumed your sister is in a bad shape. But please don't go into this with rose tinted glasses. It is of course a hard decision to make but if addiction is involved please think about this carefully. Sorry if I am just assuming.
You will probably end up loving this child like your own and your kids will love it like a sibling. Then one day your sister turns up out of the blue with permission from social to just take the child away.

Lots to think about and you should say no if you think it's not right for you or the child
Has you sister abused alcohol or drugs? Being removed from birth parent will cause some trauma but add drugs and/or alcohol into the mix and you could have a very challenging child
My child has all 3 and I would not have copied with other young children and they would not have been safe
Will your sister be in the scene. Will the child need protecting from her, can you do this.
Will there be pressure from family to let your sister have the child without SS knowledge?
Will your sister give you grief?
Are they offering any support?
What about financial support?

Check out the financial support as I think kinship care is different. I think you would be kinship care as you are family.

It is a very tricky situation to be in so make sure you are given time to think things through, and discuss them with your partner.

Taking on any child will result in a huge wrench if they go back to the Mum or someone else. Not just for you but the whole family. You may want to adopt in the long term and that too has major implications.

You need to do what is best for you and your existing family.

I would say no as I couldn't bear having to send the child back into a difficult situation whenever ss decided I should. And as PP suggest, what if your sister has more children.

I honestly think it might be better for such a young baby to be adopted now - much less disruption for them in the long term.

If I'd read your post correctly you'd have a 4-month old and a 6-month old together, suddenly. I'd say no to this - the broken sleep and difficulty of 2 non-related dependant babies would be difficult. The impact on your own children when she comes to reclaim her baby in the future will be huge.

Has the baby any additional needs? Are you close to your sister? How do you feel about having ongoing involvement with her? What about her other children or subsequent children?

My personal and professional experience of this is overwhelmingly similar to Neo sadly.

OP, it can work, but it'll take a lot of hard work and determination. I don't know exactly what the SW is proposing or whichever LA you're under but on the whole kinship care is cheaper than foster care / adoption, hence why this government likes to push it regardless of outcomes.

Every child that comes into the system has been through trauma in some way, but 4 months is probably young enough for you to be able to give the kid a shot at a normal life. But no one can predict the future, especially if Mum will come back in and out of the kid's life forever more.

What about her other kids? Most adoptees nowadays have some contact with birth family, especially siblings. At some point this child or one of her other children will ask why you took this baby and not the others. Can you answer that honestly? I'm not criticising you at all, but I've known this kind of situation to cause incredibly deep resentment, with far reaching consequences. It's not a reason not to do it but it is worth considering.

Your own children are very young and they need you to be present for them 100%. They need a stable home they feel safe in and fostering doesn't always provide that. My parents fostered children from when I was young. While it shaped my personality, life and career, and I had some life-changing, positive experiences, when it was bad it was terrible. I don't know if I could put my kids through what I went through.