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Fostering

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Original poster

'Fostering' within the family - advice needed

10 replies

BellaMoo · 12/06/2017 18:02

A relative of mine has recently (and finally) admitted to a drug and alcohol problem that requires her to go into rehab. She has an 18 month old who will need caring for. For legitimate reasons her dad can't have her during the week (he has recently left my relative for her failure to tackle her addiction) but he will take his daughter at weekends. Of all the extended family, my home/family/lifestyle is the most able to accomodate her and I want to help. I've met her a handful of times and she's very sweet but we don't know each other well.

I'm a SAHM with 4 of my own, 3 who are in primary school and a 13 month old. The little girl has had no routine up to now and is used to staying up late and sleeping in to fit in with her mum's routine.

I don't even know what advice I even want/need.

I guess I'm assuming that she will adjust to our patterns and routines but it that the right thing to do for her?

I'm not sure what the future holds for her as I'm not sure her mum will ever get it together but we won't have her long term - the older ones will understand needing to help out and share attention as it's going to be temporary. But I am massively daunted by the thought of looking after a 13 month old and an 18 month old together who have had very different life experiences up to now and what challenges that might bring.

OP posts:

AdalindSchade · 12/06/2017 18:08

What are the legitimate reasons? That really really really isn't in her interests.

PotteringAlong · 12/06/2017 18:08

but we won't have her long term

Are you certain about that? Because if her dad can't have her, and her mum doesn't sort herself out, then social services will leave her with you. I think it's lovely that you're doing it, but you will need to set a time limit or be consider the possibility that she will become a permanent member of the family.

QuiteLikely5 · 12/06/2017 18:10

I think you could be on your knees caring for children with that age gap!!!

Tbh SS might not be too concerned about how you will manage if they can see that your own environment and children are just fine!

I suppose the plus side is she will be going to her fathers on a weekend (quite shocking that he can have her only two nights per week when she is his child)

You will be expected to facilitate contact and attend various meetings.

You might be surprised at how easy a child that age adapts to your own routine tbh they respond amazingly well to nice things at that age and you may well see her development leap under your watch.

Bear in mind that your relative might not stay clean and they could come knocking at your door again. That's even if they allow the child to return - of course that's the aim but you don't know how these things will pan out.

Good luck whatever you decide

Original poster

BellaMoo · 12/06/2017 18:13

Thanks for your replies. I can't really go into why he can't have her during the week (it's v outing) but I know it's a temporary reason that really is in the best interests of the little girl too - in a few weeks things will change but my relative needs to go into rehab now. That's why I'm sure he will be able to have her long-term if mum isn't able to.

OP posts:

Calyrical · 12/06/2017 18:14

The father sounds like a peach.

Original poster

BellaMoo · 12/06/2017 18:17

It's a complete mess calyrical but all I can think about is the little girl stuck in the middle of it all.

OP posts:

Calyrical · 12/06/2017 18:18

Do you think she'd be better elsewhere, OP?

Because if you do, there's no shame in saying so

Original poster

BellaMoo · 12/06/2017 18:19

Thank you for your advice quitelikely5

OP posts:

Original poster

BellaMoo · 12/06/2017 18:24

I can't think of where she would be better off if I'm honest - every other option seems worse. And the urgency of the situation means we need to decide soon.

We have a happy home, good routine and can give her something she's never really had before. We're also surrounded by supportive family and friends who will a help out.

But you are all giving me lots of food for thought. Thank you.

OP posts:

Queenofthedrivensnow · 09/07/2017 16:59

The la will call this a family arrangement. However they will put a timescale if they remain involved on when a permanent decision about her future needs to be made. The court maximum is 6 months so that's a good timeframe To compare. Ss will want to know your long term intentions if things go pear shaped. If you think within 6 months dad can care for her it's a good option though.

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