Forgetfullness

[twinkie81]

Hi,
FC has been with us for 18 months and is a star. Too much of one in lots of ways. He is hugely over compliant, everyone tells us how wonderful he is without realising the real reasons behind his excellent behaviour. I spend most of my time trying to convince him that it's ok not to be perfect all the time.
Anyway, whenever he gets anxious, he loses the abillity to think for himself. He's thrilled to be back at school the last 2 weeks. He just loves learning but starting a new school year is an anxious time regardless of how excited you are and he has become much more dependant than usual. I've done everything for him for the last 2 weeks and expected him to go back to normal within a few days as he usually does, but I've noticed that the more I do, the less he has tried to do. Normally you can really see him fighting to remember things and think for himself, this time he's just sitting back and letting me get on with it. The more I do, the less he tries. Do I keep doing everything for him or do I try and encourage him to take some responsibility back for himself? We've discovered that having a list for his school bag helps, he can check that he has everything without me doing it or asking if he has everything he needs. I've done that a few times this week and he's said yes just for us to discover he is missing half of what should be in there.
I want to support him where he needs it, but he does have a tendancy to not really want to take responsibility for himself either, I just want to find the right balance.

I don't know how old he is so this suggestion might be too young for him, but how about a rewards chart? Everytime he doese something for himself or pack his bag correctly ect move the star up the chart and praise him very much, make the prize worthwhile and you never know it might be the very thing he needs. Hope this helps a little xx

I personally would do baby steps decide what you want him to be dependant with first and work on that, then move on to the next thing so he isn't feeling too overwhelmed, and pick your battles something's are not worth it, where others need sorting good luck xx

Thanks, we have a reward chart up and running, with any luck a trip to the ice cream parlour on Friday. He's 9 and charts still work very well. Unfortunately today involved forgetting his coat and getting soaked. Told the friend picking him up that he hadn't taken one to school.
I'm starting to get concerned as although this behaviour has been normal previously, it's never lasted this long. Part of me is wondering if he is testing the ground and some things are being deliberately forgotten/ignored in the hope they will go away or that I will do them for him. He is coping absolutely fine, actually better than fine at school. This is purely a home issue.