Accusations from birth parents towards me-advise needed from other foster parents

[fosternanny]

I have my two grandchildren under a temp child arrangement order but hope to get a SGO when it goes to final hearing.
Just wondered if other foster parents experience abuse and accusations from the birth parents and how best to deal with it please. The social worker seems to be on the phone most days asking me about things I am supposed to have done or said and it's getting very upsetting. I am doing the parents a favour by stopping the children going up for adoption but seems like the whole world is against me

[wonderpants]

As foster carers, we have a placement planning meeting where it is agreed what responsibilities are delegated to the foster carer, what remains with the parent and what is with the social worker, so all parties are clear.
Did you try the FRG for some independent advice? I don't know if they are able to provide any representation?
It is such a hard time at the moment, it will get better, but it will probably be a long journey. Remain focused on the children's needs (and that will involve having some relationship with their parents), try not to let your relationship with their parents affect your judgement, and keep being open and honest with the social workers.
Good luck at your meeting!

[fosternanny]

Hi both.
Well sat through a very bad network meeting where I spent an hour being slagged off by my daughter and her bf. Been told I can't refuse mediation as its part of the case even though i'm petrified.
Social worker is telling me he can't over rule parents regarding the passport so looks like I have lost money for the holiday.
Supervising social worker coming Thursday although not sure how my husband is going to manage fostering assessments as work won't let him keep taking time off and he works away Mon-Fri
I nearly gave up completly this morn till I looked at those children's faces and the eldest told me he loved me
I can't give in they need me to be strong.
Thank you both for your support

[LaurieFairyCake]

The supervising social worker that you get allocated will support you with what you need. The child's social may not be able to overrule the parents but someone further up the chain certainly can.

You now need to think of it a bit like the army. There's a chain of command so you now your SSW that you want to take the children on holiday and ask how to progress that. I suggest if it's a NO further up that you and your husband do go on holiday. I think they are very unlikely to make the decision the children can't go. Progressing it through the system will mean they have to consider whether the holiday is in the best interests of the children. And it likely is.

So if it's not in the children's interests to go then SS will have to pay for respite - which is expensive.

Your SSW will also clarify your 'delegated authority' which covers haircuts etc so ask about that. They are also the ones that will help you with claiming your proper fostering allowances.

Yes, sitting in a meeting while your being slagged off is horrible, ive had meetings where members of family have called my DH a paedophile for wanting to foster and screaming at me. You need to ignore it and I appreciate how hard it is as its your daughter. The social workers and chair of the meeting should intervene when comments aren't helpful. You need to not respond to what their saying. I doodle and don't even look at them.

[LaurieFairyCake]

As foster carers you're also allowed to take 2 weeks holiday so you can go on holiday without them.

[fosternanny]

Thank you both. What can we expect from the fostering assessment as don't have clue what it involves. I know they got to do it in 16 wks rather 6 months to keep us inside the 26 wk criteria
How do we stand with child benefit as ive just put claim in?

[wonderpants]

You can't claim child benefit as you don't have any parental responsibility and the children are 'looked after', I'm not aware it is any different for kinship carers. Did you get anywhere with FRG? It really shouldn't be this tough for you!

[Twopots]

Hi I'm really sorry for what you are going through but just thought I would mention - me and my husband recently went through the assessment and because my husband works full time it was done in the evening after our children had gone to bed 7:30pm, tell them you need this so your husband doesn't need to take time off, good luck xx

[fosternanny]

Hi Twopots my husband doesn't come home at night. And they say they don't work weekends. My husband is going to lose his job through this as work are not happy.
Also assessment worrying me. Don't have any more references that know us both. My children won't spk to assessor and neither will my ex husband and the kids dad would just slag me off. Think we have to face facts here. I'm going to lose my grandchildren through red tape

[fosternanny]

Nearly lost the children this morning cus I told the SW my son didn't want to get involved and was refusing to spk to them. He is a nurse practitioner who as lived away from home since the age of 18. He is 28 this year. He hates his sister.
Its like the children's SW doesn't want us to succeed anymore. Since I refused to do contact after my daughter went to hit me he seems to have turned on me.

[firstcomeslove]

How are things now fosternanny?