First placement - tips please!

[PolkaDotsandPumpkin]

Hi all. DH and I have just been approved as foster carers, and it's looking like we will be having a 5 year old girl coming to stay in the next couple of days. Can you please share with me your tips for welcoming and settling a child into your home? We do not have kids of our own. I have a few ideas like making sure we have her favourite foods in, ensuring the first few days are completely relaxed/unplanned to allow for whatever may happen, being flexible etc but am keen to hear from experienced carers. Thanks.

Hi there, I've only been fostering a couple of years but I do have a 5 year old placed with me at the moment. I personally found it worked to have a routine in place right from the start, so the child knew what to expect at what time and that predictability provided some security when their emotions are all over the place. Children often will come having had no routine in place whatsoever, so if you can establish set mealtimes, bath/bedtime routine and so on, it let's them know that that is what happens in your house - easier than trying to start something when they'd got used to doing what like if that makes sense? Others may disagree but I believe children thrive with the stability a routine, and I only mention this as you said you were just going I go with the flow for the first few days.
I also found it helpful to give the child's school a call once I knew she was definitely coming, just to introduce myself and explain that I would be dropping off and collecting etc. I was then able to confirm school times, uniform and so on.
Good luck!

How exciting I agree with routine after a few days children find routine reassuring, I would also limit the number of guests/family that visit in the first week, let her settle in first before she has lots of new people to meet, this will also help her develop a bond with you. Good luck xx

Can't agree more with the routine, especially around bedtime. Make sure that there is plenty of wind down and calm time. If your night is not too bad you can cope better with the stresses of the day.
Also record everything, appointments, meetings, issues, good and bad.
Take lots of deep breaths!!

All the above advice is great. Our first social worker told us, don't allow the child to call you mum and dad, they may try to do so, but it's not appropriate for you or for them. And don't worry if you don't find the child appealing/loveable at first, concentrate on doing a good professional job for the child. ANd lastly make some space for your own family. Good luck!

Thanks for the responses. Candy I should have been clearer, we definitely will be adhering to routines for bedtime, meals etc but we will leave room for her to let us know what she feels like doing, like just quiet time reading vs out for a walk with us or playing a game.
Cassimin thanks for the mention of recording things. I think it was mentioned in our introductory training but I had forgotten.
Thanks all! Please keep them coming though, if anyone else is reading this.

Hi polka, that all sounds great then. When children have arrived at my house, I had some things out ready to play with like colouring-in, jigsaw etc, rather than just asking them what they want to do as that can be a bit overwhelming. Then you can distract them straight away with a game, also have drink/snack ready as they may have been waiting around a long time until they get to yours

Be prepared to be really tired! I don't have any biological children so, for the first few weeks of the placement, I was the most tired I had ever been! I used to go to bed soon after the children did, and also nap during the day while they were at school!

Do you know how long you might have the child for? If it's likely to be some time I recommend that you stay at home for at least the first few days (apart from going to school obviously). We took ours to loads of parks and other places right from the get go and even now, nearly 10 months later, one of them still expects to do something after school every day - and can get a bit grumpy if we're just going home! I wish we'd been a bit more 'boring' at the beginning!

We also had a little meeting with the deputy head of our children's school on the first morning after we had dropped them off. That was quite helpful - to find out more info from the school's perspective regarding behaviour and attainment. It also allowed us to check what the children needed in terms of PE kit, book bag, water bottle etc. We also got given a few bits of second hand uniform at that meeting, which came in handy.

Thanks again, really appreciate the responses. We've just had word that she will be arriving on Monday! Excited and anxious and happy all at the same time!

Hi, we have 3 young children (our first placement also) We put out a blanket in the lounge with a few bits and pieces on, a colouring book, a few dolls etc. That gave them somewhere to go straight away and as everything was out they didn't need to make a choice about what to play with as that can be quite daunting. We set a routine from the start regarding bedtimes etc so they knew what to expect from the get go. They have been with us for almost a year now, feel free to message me if you have any more questions. Its tiring and hard work especially in those first few weeks but its definitely all worth it as you watch them grow and flourish. Good luck! :)

Some advice I got for my first placement:

Don't expect to get any sleep on the first night. That doesn't mean they won't sleep - but you wont!

Try not to offer too many choices eg do you want to play jigsaws or lego? You can do this once they are more confident, but my first placement got really upset at being given choices. I think this is quite common.

Try to be calm on first meeting. Easier said than done I know! I was so nervous I couldn't stop talking!

Be careful what you suggest eg Maybe we'll go to the park, or maybe we'll go swimming. Then if you only do one thing, it can feel like you've let them down. I only say we're doing something if I know we are definitely about to go and nothing can get in the way.

Also make sure the SW gives you their medical consent form. It took ages for me to get one and I had to chase it loads.

Good luck! Hope it goes well.