Looking for advice on fostering

[Floridatilly]

Him I am hoping for some advice as there are so many fostering Angevins out there I am lost!! I have been sent initial information from my local authority but it looks like private agencies pay so much more!! Why is this??? I can. It understand why there is such a difference. We are hoping to foster long term and would like a pre school aged child (to fit in around our own birth children) so not sure if that makes a difference when choosing who to foster through, all their web sites sound great with lots of support and training but I would like advice from real foster parents who can give honest opinions please.
Is there any agencies you would highly recommend?? Or would you recommend local authority?? It's such a mind field. It has took us years of thinking and discussing fostering and finally feel the time is right but did not realise so many places offer different allowances etc, we thought it was standard ??
Thank you

When children are taken into care they go straight to the local authority who then place with their own foster carers. If the LA can't place the child (eg.no available foster carers, or the foster carers don't feel they can manage etc) they then place the child with angencies foster carer.
The local authority have to pay the agency a large fee (hence why you may be paid more with an agency than with your local authority), which is why they would rather place a child with their own foster carers first if at all possible.
Some say that agencies get the harder to place children, but I'm with my LA so I don't know.
Also, being with an agency you will probably have longer waits between placements as the LA will always place with their own carers first.
Hope this helps a little.

Thanks so much for that x

No problem. If you have any other questions feel free to ask. I'm actually only in the process of becoming a foster carer myself so if you have any questions about that you can PM me :)

There aren't really any pre school children placed in long term care - under 5s go for adoption rather than fostering.

Agencies pay more but they often don't pay mileage or for equipment. They only tend to place more complex children who can't bd placed within an LA, and you may have more travelling as children may go to school/ contact many miles away. If you want younger children you would need to be with LA.

This is what I was worried about but our LA pays very little, ridiculously so, how any one can not work and foster through them is impossible but I did read somewhere that once you have a child in place you can change over to an agency?? But keep the same child??? I used to know a social worker (she has moved away now) but she said that in our area most adoptions are finished/placed by the time the child is 2 and our LA has a shortage of foster parents (so I find it hard to understand why they pay so much less than agencies) I would want to treat the child like my own with clothes, treats etc but if we went with our LA we would be on the bread line so unless I could change over to agency it would not be possible.
My concern over an older child (5+) is behaviour and how that would affect my children, my heart is torn because I want to help and change a child's life but I do not want to ruin my own childrens childhood in the process. From other threads and forums I have looked at I mostly read about problems , is it really that bad? Is it all problems and disruptive children?

Thanks

"Is it all problems and disruptive children?"

I think it would be a good idea to do some reading and learning about things like attachment theory so you understand WHY children in foster care might be 'disruptive'.

These are very upset, vulnerable children who have been taken into protective custody because their own parents did not look after them properly. It is not going to be like Pippa's house on Home & Away.

Can't agree more. And why you would want to disrupt a child further to change from la to IFA just for money is beyond me.
As for upsetting your own children, this is why I waited until mine were late teens. I know it works for lots of people to foster while their own are young but I didn't want to take that chance. Mine sometimes find it hard and upsetting at their ages.
I decided to go with IFA purely because I was close to their office and thought they offered a lot more support as they have lower caseloads and need to prove they are worth paying by la or else they won't get children placed.
I know of lots of IFA carers with young children placed with them and also with older ones who are no trouble at all. So to say IFA gets all the children la don't want is so untrue. At point of removal who knows what these poor kids have been through and how they will react.

"Is it really that bad?"

Yes it can be that bad, it can horrendous. But it is much worse for these children who are angry, hurt, confused and everything else.
I waited till my children had left home for these reasons.
I don't think you would get a child placed with you from LA and then move to agency with child still in place, they would be more likely to move the child to another LA carer, if that was the case everyone would be doing it.
Please don't be under the illusion that an under 5 would be less disruptive than an older child, as I have seen young LAC give any teen a run for their money in the disruption stakes!!
Sorry if all this sound negative, but these can be the realities of fostering.
On a plus note - it can be very rewarding, and I am glad our family took the plunge

We foster and I have young children 4/5/7 our foster child is nearly two and our children adore having her here and dote on her, we foster through la and the money isn't good I spend more on her than receive but we are lucky to be in a financial position that we don't rely on the la money, but I would be very aware of the costs involved in fostering and the fact that the children may arrive with nothing and you have to provide everything straight away yet may not get reimbursed for a few weeks and you may need to spend more than you will get back (we get £50 clothing allowance which with all the all budgeting in the world doesn't cover all the clothes they need). With that said we are really enjoying fostering

Think about it very carefully it will not be a bed of roses and as for disrupting your own children it will happen. I had a son of 4 and in hindsight I wdnt do it again and Wd advise anyone not to do it until after your youngest leaves home. It is more stressful than you can ever imagine the private agencies pay more because the child will have more complex needs. I was with a private agency and even though they were good they weren't good enough in the end. I resigned after one year it is a noble thing to want to help a child but not at the expense of your own.

Classismin I don't think anyone is saying that the Local Authority don't want the children. The fact is they will always try to house them with their own carers first to save money, then if that's not possible they will contact an IFA

Thanks everyone. It is a big decision to make and it is a child life so I want to make the right decision, I have requested information from my local authority and an agency, the agency rang me an hour after I sent the e mail and the lady is coming to see us next Tuesday for a face to face chat so I would like to see someone from our LA too so I can get a feel for who would be right for us. When I mentioned changing over from LA to agency I would not consider it if it ment the child was affected, I just did not know if this was something that was done because some agencies invite you to change over to them on their web sites. I have a wonderful family and because my husband is a teacher we have lots of quality time together and do lots of outside activities etc, my older two children are very close and 'had each other' to play with etc when they was younger but there is a ten year gap for my youngest son and we would love someone around his age group to grow up with etc (we can not have any more children naturally)
Maybe I am totally unrealistic to think if we had a young child (aged 2-3) we could nurture the child to become part of our family and for that child to forget his/her unfortunate start in life, I know this will not happen over night but with time, love and care maybe??? This is why we would want a young child for long term fostering.
If it means that the best chance for this is through LA then we would have to go with them.

Sorry honeybee it's just that some posters are suggesting that ifa's get hard to place children. To me that means that la cannot place them with their own carers because of their behaviours.
I had a child removed to go inhouse for financial reasons only to return a few weeks later as they couldn't cope with behaviours. This child was 4. Behaviour was no worse than any child that had been through neglect and being removed from home.
I don't think that any of the carers I know have had any children that have been any harder than children that la carers have had. All children are different.

You are unlikely to get a young child long term, maybe adoption might be a better journey for you!
Long term is only considered for those who cannot be adopted or over 8 years old in our LA.
Please don't for one moment imagine that having a foster child is anything like having another one of your own. And remember that the LA and IFA will promise you the world right now!
I swore I wouldn't become an old cynical foster carer, but it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I feel great guilt that I put my children through it. My children have suffered great loss when a little one we all loved like our own moved to her adoptive family. They have been spat at, hit, bitten by a frightened, damaged 3 year old.
Social workers won't give you information you need, or return your calls, then demand your whole family changes plans at a moments notice because they've arranged a meeting or appointment.
But it is so rewarding as well!

I agree wonderpants the agencies will promise you the world but in reality ........ I was approved as a single foster carer with 4 year old child for mother and baby placement and
children x 2 up to 16 these are the referrals I had :
One girl of 13 who presented as a sexualised risk to young children I had a 4 year old the referring agency said oh well it's only for 2 weeks wtf !
A 10 year old who was violent to his younger siblings I had a 4 year old the referring agency said well we don't really know if he Wd attack your child wtf !
A 20 year old mother who had had two children removed with permanent disabilities due to non accidental injury with a 6 day old baby I had a 4 year old referring agency said well it cd have been someone else who hurt those children not her ! And when I said that I didn't feal I cd work with someone who had either injured their child or let it happen not once but twice I was told I was prejudiced!
A 15 year old who had been in a secure unit costing 10k a week who came to us invited a friend to stay who I was then told by her care worker was a sexual abuser who was on no account sgd have been allowed to stay in a home with a small child who then proceeded to call the house phone abusive messages all night and day for a month who also threatened me and my son.
Two children with a mother into black magic who ritualised the elder one 4 and neglected the 1 year old one who if placed with us Wd have contact every day for three hours at a contact centre 1 hour away which I Wd facilitate !
And the referrals went on each one not great. If you want to do it wait until your children are older there was a great programme a few years ago on a child from be my parent magazine who I enquiried about that gave one if the best descriptions about attachment disorder I have ever seen .

QuoteMaybe I am totally unrealistic to think if we had a young child (aged 2-3) we could nurture the child to become part of our family and for that child to forget his/her unfortunate start in life, I know this will not happen over night but with time, love and care maybe??? This is why we would want a young child for long term fostering.*E/Q)

I think that is pretty unrealistic as most people have said. It would be extremely rare that a 2-3 year old is placed for long term fostering. All LA's will push for adoption if the plan is not for reunification. But a lot more children are returned to birth family than go for adoption. My own children are 6 and 3. My foster child is 2. She has been with us almost 6 months now and we find out if fc gets court approval for adoption very soon. We've been told to expect a time scale of 3-6 months before fc leaves to growing up family. Our family works really well and we don't take over 4's at the moment to keep this happening but we didn't want to be long term carers.

To me, reading your posts it seems like adoption is what you really want. Maybe you should look down that avenue?

I would have to agree with lots of the above posts. We came into fostering with 2 children of our own the youngest now aged 13 nearly 2 years ago, with the intention of providing a loving long term placement.

Sadly the child who they placed with us (who they removed from IFA carers as it was cheaper to use LA carers) didn't settle as they had very complex needs that we weren't able to meet. I look back now and feel incredibly sad not only for the little one but also for my own children who through no fault of their own had entered a world totally unknown to them. The first experience left my family devastated and I sometimes wonder how we found the strength to keep going. The child moved back to IFA carers when the placement broke down as there weren't any LA carers who were able to meet their needs.

We now have a much younger placement and again I have to agree that even though they are younger they can still cause absolute havoc, until you start fostering and do the training I think it is very difficult to even start to understand what these children have suffered in their short lives and how it affects them. My foster child has completely ruined 2 family holidays so far and my eldest has said he doesn't want to come with us on holiday again!!

In my LA the push is for adoption for any young child so I think fostering a very young child long term would be quite unusual. My advice to anybody considering fostering would be for your children to be grown up before you think about it. My children were talked to during the assessment process and were all for it but until a child comes into your home you have no idea what you are about to deal with.

Having said all that, it is wonderful to see my little foster child start to develop and become part of our family. When she first arrived we would be punched, kicked, bitten etc many times a day and we have now gone a couple of weeks since the last punch was thrown. She will now come and say sorry unprompted and is starting to take pride in her belongings so it is a very rewarding role but a very tiring one too!