Annual holidays

[Supersparky007]

Hi

Have any carers here been asked to cancel an annual holiday for reasons relating to a foster child you have in your care? For example an upcoming adoption?
We have a holiday booked for July this year which was booked early last year but it's looking like the timeframe for a potential adoption of a child we currently have with us may or may not land around that time. "It's a bridge we'll have to cross nearer the time" said the childs social worker and she's against this particular child going into respite so reading between the lines we may be asked to forfeit our holiday!
I understand in a way but we also have two of our own children who have never complained and have accepted the foster children we have even though we never asked them to. It's their holiday as much as ours and would impact us as a family greatly. I also doubt a Local Authority would want to compensate us to the tune of £4500 which the holiday cost.

Just wondering if anybody has been in a situation like this before and how it panned out.

We had this last year. Intros were just postponed until 2 weeks after the holiday to give LO time to settle back home rather than go from holiday mode straight into it.
There was no issue at all with this.

I wouldn't have taken that they have expected you to cancel your holiday at all from what you've said!
Can you confirm with your SSW to put your mind at rest?

I'm glad to hear that and yes, we'll be speaking with our link worker tomorrow. Our SSW is on long term sick at the moment which would have been the more obvious person to speak to.

We have a holiday booked for June and looks like that could land smack bang when they want to do intro's still waiting for final hearing atm. They are all aware and said if it looks like it will be at that time they will delay till we are back. If any social worker tried to dictate to me when i could take my kids on holiday i'd tell them to stuff off, but then me and hubby are known for speaking up :D

We're only just over 18 months into fostering and love what we do but we all agreed we would carefully manage the impact on our family, especially our two children.
We definitely need clarification but this isn't a holiday we want to miss. I think we all need it.
When the two children go that we have now that will be a total of four children under the age of two years old, 2 from newborn that we've cared for to adoption. Each one takes a piece of you with them :(

I'm presuming you are planning on taking the foster children on the holiday?

No, just us and our two birth children.

July is a long way off yet in terms of adoption planning. Plenty of time to work around a holiday. (Mum2tots if you are still awaiting a final hearing then I'd say there's little chance of intros in June anyway unless the child is going to a family member/foster to adopt placement).

Even in my most straightforward adoption moves it's been around 4-5 months after final hrg before a child moves, sometimes even up to a year.

The only issue would be putting the child into respite - my LA don't like a child to move for at least 3 months after respite. If intros DO eventually fall at the same time then I'd expect them to be brought forward to avoid respite, rather than put back.

So where were you planning for the foster children to go while you were away, if respite isn't an option?

The OP doesn't have to plan for them to go anywhere, that is their social worker's job.

And before I get told I'm being harsh, I see this from the perspective of the OP's own children. My parents have been foster carers my whole life. During my childhood I got 2 weeks a year when it was just me, my DB and my parents. I treasured those weeks, waited all year for them. For the most part I was happy to share my home and my parents but I still needed that quality time.

OP, I don't believe they will ask you to move your holiday, but if they do, say no. Your children need to know from the outset that their needs and their time with you is as important as the needs of the other children in your care.

Seekingtheanswers, I think kaymondo summed our thoughts up exactly (thank you). The plan was always going to be respite as there really is no other. I doubt we would get passports for the children even if we could take them. That and the fact the holiday was booked last April, way before our two current placements came to stay with us.

Hopefully there won't be an issue and we're worrying about nothing.

That's interesting you say that scarlet5tyger, I moved a newborn onto adoption last summer, and the final hearing was June, they wanted intros in July, but I had a holiday booked so we took the baby with us, that was our last week with her, then the following week which was first week of August we did intros. It all happened very quickly due to them planning for adoption all the way through the placement and as soon as they had the placement order meetings with adopters started. And this wasn't a family/friends adoption. Does your LA not work like this then?

OP it's a difficult one isn't it. I'm desperate to have a holiday alone with my dd this year and to go abroad as we need that time together. But I'm waiting for a gap in placements and then just going to book last minute something. Up until now all holidays have been a caravan somewhere where it didn't matter what children I had with me as they could all come along.

Our LA do not allow respite from what I have heard but if it's something you booked last year before this placement then they absolutely need to support you with this. We sacrifice all other time with our families all year round and social workers don't appreciate that.

Actually last year my SSW said to me oh your holiday will fall right around the time of intros. And I said yes it does but it's school summer holidays and if I don't book something my daughter and I will have no holiday at all this year so I'm going regardless. Intros can wait a week. She had nothing to say to that.

Look after your family op, social care don't care about them.

Candycoco as an adoption sw I would say that is a different situation. If you had a newborn, as long as they were with their primary carer (you), the location is not as relevant and therefore moving them straight after a holiday would not be such an issue - especially given with a newborn every day of delay is significant. (As it is for any child but the balance of disruption needs to weigh up against the disadvantage of a few weeks delay).

With a slightly older child (maybe 8 months plus, and particularly pre-verbal) it would be important to make sure they are settled back from a holiday as they are so aware of changes, and might struggle to understand that their quick and subsequent move immediately after a holiday to an adoptive family isn't another holiday from which they will also return. This would be even more relevant where respite is involved as a change of carer prior to a permanent move would be extremely confusing for a pre-verbal child. I have experienced a placement where this was the case and it was best case scenario to avoid delay but very hard for the poor children who moved.

OP- I think it is just important to remember that the LA are just trying to focus on the needs of the child in their care. They won't just be causing you difficulty for the sake of being bureaucratic. They can't force you to cancel your holiday I wouldn't have thought but it might be worth investigating at this early stage whether you could delay it a couple of weeks to get the children moved beforehand. If I were you I would probably also ask your sw to email the children's social worker directly with the dates of holiday and suggest that everyone is moving heaven and earth to get the children moved before your holiday in the best interests of the children, which should be possible given you are suggesting a placement has now been identified.

Mutley77 - sorry if I wasn't clear the baby I moved on was 8 months old at that point having been with me since birth.

But yes I do understand what you mean about children needing to settle back home after a holiday, but obviously foster carers prepare children as best they can for any changes, whether that's a holiday or a move. I just think that when fostering it's impossible to plan anything with your life as it is, and I know that's a choice we made. However, when it comes to holidays, respect needs to be shown to carers who work 24/7 and need a break to look forward to like anyone else. We can't put in our annual leave requests like social workers can and know when we are having some time off, our lives are dictated by everyone else so sometimes you do need to stand your ground.

Agree that it's be best for the op to move on her children before her holiday though of course, but when these situations are unpredictable, she shouldn't be made to feel bad for going by her LA.

Candycoco my La does twin track but whether it's because the children I take now are older, or more challenging (and therefore difficult to place) there's always been quite a significant wait to find adoptive parents after final hearing - a lot of them have to be placed through agencies, which costs money, and which a LA isn't going to shell out before they have a placement order.

Also, with the ruling about family always being the preference lots of SWs are mOre reluctant to make potential links with adopters, only for them to fall through - raising hopes of adopters, and time of SWs.

I think as babies are SO rare in my LA now then there would be more possibility of a link being made and a quicker move, as you say.

But back on track, I still think July is far enough away for a work around solution to be found that suits everyone.

We had to cancel our holiday one week before flying because bp' s withdrew permission for lo's to travel 2 months before the final hearing and cs said there was nothing they could do about it.

Happydaze22 were the LO's in care under section 21? Otherwise I thought the LA had 51% parental authority so could overrule parents in situations like this? (I'm presuming SW had been perfectly happy for them to travel as it had got to one week before travel).

4-5 months after fch? Is that with or without twin tracking, as mine has even had the adoption dvd made and profile and looking after book done. So i am under the impression it will be fch, matching and go. They said May-June time for intro's. fch in March. We are taking our fc on holiday with us if she is still here though so slightly different to op.

At the moment my LA (and I thought most LAs) are treading carefully because so many parents are appealing, even when placement orders are made, and several have been successful. Just look at some of the adoption web sites - you'll see stories of heartbroken matched parents who no longer have the child they were thinking of as theirs coming to live with them.

Although there is huge pressure from the government to do the whole final hearing then pack off the child thing, for once my LA are being more cautious. I doubt they'd ever encourage a prospective adopter to invest so much emotionally before a final hearing date is even set.

Our lo's were under ICO's scarlet.

And yes LA had been fine about us travelling. We was told as therre was not a full care order they couldnt do anything about it .