Letting a little FC go....

[Fostergroovy]

My little FC came to us from severe neglect and has been with us for a year and a half. He is about to move on to a wonderful new family, I couldn't dream of a better long-term placement for him.
So why do I feel so abjectly sad about it? We are not in a position for long term fostering so couldn't keep him.
Im not sure Im going to cope with letting him go.

I'm sorry l have no experience here (hopefully it's ok for me to comment!) but l would think it's perfectly normal to feel sad. You have an attachment to this dc and although they are moving onto something good that doesn't negate your feelings of loss. You can be happy and sad at the same time

I let go of a LO after 18months, Im not going to lie, it was really, really tough. Even now, there are days I miss LO terribly, & find myself looking at photos and feeling quite choked up.

Best thing is to ensure a really good relationship with the new family - send regular pictures , make sure you have a nice memory box and memory book for the LO. Ensure that they know that you love LO and that you would like to have a relationship with him/her in the future...as a distant aunty or something, so you can send the occasional postcard or birthday present.

Make sure you keep your distance and let them be a family, but still be at the end of the line if they want to speak to you. Ask if they would mind dropping you a line every week/fortnight, just to let you know how LO is doing. ie let them take the initiative.

Dont expect to much contact with the LO, they need time to grieve and let go of you.

And give yourself a nice break until you take on the next one.

Oh my love, I can see how this is really hard for you to come to terms with, even though you know he will be going to a good home.

My parents fostered lots of babies before they adopted us, they never spoke about it, except mum said she couldn't do it as she would have found it hard to let go.
When they died and we went through the house we found box upon box of photo slides of different babies.
All we could imagine was it was too difficult for them to talk about, they never mentioned it to us.

I hope you have many other little ones to care for and think the love you have given this little one is second to none.
You are truly a wonderful person hugs and to you.

Hi Fostergroovy, I've fostered and moved on lots of little ones. It's extremely emotional - but you wouldn't have done your job properly if it wasn't.

I agree with building a good relationship with LO's new family - but don't expect too much. All too often Foster carers are forgotten once a child is "home", despite us being the memory keepers of the child's early days - and another loss for the child if their new parents don't want to keep in touch.

I never give myself a break between placements by choice. I hate the empty house feeling and it just leaves me time to wallow.

I hope you have a good support network around you, call upon your support worker if you need to (it's what they're there for), or other foster carers.

Remember to look after [i]yourself[/i]. Intros are hard work no matter how well you all get on. And have a few treats in too!

Ive fostered for nearly 17 years and still find it so hard when they leave. FC with me now is due to start intros in the next few weeks and although I am so happy a lovely new family has been found, I am also overwhelmingly sad. Came straight from hospital a poorly tiny baby and is now 14 months and such a happy gentle little soul, my sons and myself will miss him terribly but we cant keep them all

You will never forget him but you will move on, I don't usually have a rest as I find the sooner another little soul comes along and the busier I am the better I cope but that's me and it might not work for you.

Hugs and as I know how you feel.