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Fostering

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15 replies

mum2tots · 02/10/2014 21:57

We were approved in May, had one respite and now have our first placement. We've been waiting for this day for months and now its here I feel really overwhelmed and panicky. We were called today with the referral and the 2 year old arrived at 7.30 this evening. We spoke to the social worker who gave us a brief history and facts in the space of an hour. LO is under police protection goes to court tomorrow for an ico. Really complex case lots of family members being investigated. I think i need to breathe and have a cuppa. Shes going to ring on monday to arrange a ppm so i guess we will know a lot more then. Maybe its adrenaline not sure i'll sleep well tonight.

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wonderpants · 03/10/2014 13:48

Good luck!! Welcome to the roller coaster!!

ChippingInLatteLover · 03/10/2014 13:56

How did your first night go?

2 year olds are so scrummy, I hope s/he settles OK with you.

It's a lovely thing to do, I know I couldn't do it, I couldn't bear to hand them back again!

scarlet5tyger · 03/10/2014 16:54

Hi mum2tots - don't post too many details on here, birth parents often comb adoption/fostering websites.

I've been fostering for years now but I still feel a bit panicky when a new child arrives. One hour of info is actually quite a lot - SWs usually dump and run! But yes, you'll get to know much more at your placement meeting. The child's SW should also have visited you today, and your own support worker should have been in touch.

Hope you're feeling a little less panicked by now - feel free to pm me if you need to ask any questions. I remember my first placement like it was yesterday!

mum2tots · 03/10/2014 17:27

Thanks everyone. Slept through the whole night, no issues today, lovely chatty, giggly little one. Our SSW has called first thing, childs SW hasn't visited as shes in court all day, will hear from her on monday. Settled in perfectly so quickly. More worried about the official side of things meetings abbreviations of titles!! Will know lots more next week.

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mum2tots · 03/10/2014 17:27

Oh LO might have slept all night i didnt sleep at all LOL

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ChippingInLatteLover · 03/10/2014 20:56

Oh, lovely that s/he slept well last night, long may it last :)

Hopefully you'll get some sleep tonight!

I hope you have a lovely weekend with him/her and things go well for you all x

mum2tots · 05/10/2014 15:12

We introduced ourselves by our first names but as we have our own kids, LO is calling us mummy and daddy. We are completely fine with it as are our kids, just wondering whether we should continuing referring to each other by first names or to just use mummy and daddy. Will ask SW when she calls tomorrow, just wondering what others would do.

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scarlet5tyger · 05/10/2014 15:51

Definite no no. Parents will have a fit, as will SW.

I know it's hard to stop but I absolutely always correct little ones if they refer to me as mummy.

mum2tots · 05/10/2014 16:42

We've been told not to correct and allow children to call us what they feel comfortable with. We were even asked at panel if we were ok if children called us mum and dad. We are still using first names "go and ask *" etc but with a 5 and 3 year old already in the house using mummy and daddy constantly its not going to be easy. :/ Don't know what to do...why do i have all the questions on a weekend lol.

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scarlet5tyger · 05/10/2014 18:10

Have you met birth parents yet? Do you think they would be okay hearing their child call you mummy? (Not being facetious, one parent I worked with told me she didn't mind her daughter calling me mummy even though I did)

I'm surprised your LA tell you not to correct the child though. I've never, ever heard any LA advise that - they're not even allowed to refer to us as foster "parents" anymore, strictly foster carers. I thought that was nationwide.

wonderpants · 05/10/2014 19:36

We also foster little ones and have birth children who call us mum and dad. I can't imagine any situation where it would be acceptable for LO to call us mummy and daddy. We always correct! In terms of child's identity, birth family, you are not mummy and daddy. In the circumstances you describe, PPO, you are not forever family, just short term carers whilst assessments and decisions are made. To lose another mummy and daddy would be hard!

I would definitely clarify with your SSW as it isn't something I have ever heard of as being okay!

Hope your weekend has gone well! It has taken nearly 3 months for our LO (also PPO removal) to settle. It has been a rollercoaster for the poor thing!

Goldenlab · 05/10/2014 22:24

Absolutely never mummy and daddy. First placement was really difficult to get our heads round. Best piece of advice I heard was from our SSW who said to view ourselves as professionals, doing a professional piece of work as part of a team. Keep your daily recordings up to date and enjoy!

DwellsUndertheSink · 06/10/2014 14:59

my LO calls my DH by his name, but I am "mummy dwells" - when LO arrived, s/he only had a handful of words. LO's sibling started calling me mum after 2 weeks and refused to call me by my name (despite daily requests) - a symptom of his/her very broken attachment - and so LO followed suit.

I find it hard because you dont want them to feel different at the school gates, or different to their "siblings" (real and/or foster). The older sibling knew and understood I wasnt his/her mum, but needed me to be that for appearances, so s/he did not have to say "I'll have to ask my carer" . "Oh, whats a carer?/why are you in care etc etc."

Our SW seemed not to be bothered.

I also think its important because one of our LOs would become very confused - would say mummy hit me, but meant BM, not me. But because they said it, I would have to report it.

I also know an adoptive parent whose child told the teacher what his dad did to him, and that launched an entire SS investigation ...turns out he was telling the truth, but about his violent birth dad, not his lovely adoptive Dad.

it is safer for them to call you by your name.

Goldenlab · 06/10/2014 15:45

Can I just add something to this one? We have fostered teenagers. If they didn't want people to know that they were in care - school friends or their parents etc they called us mum and dad rather than by our names. But they and we both knew that this was just to save the explanation.

mum2tots · 12/10/2014 16:26

Thanks for all the responses. We have csw, guardian and iro permission for her to use mummy and daddy under valuing the individual child and her choices. Nanny who had an SGO also knows and has not objected.

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