Pocket money/clothing allowance/etc and keeping everything fair - what do you do?

[Stinkle]

We've had a few issues recently with pocket money, buying clothes and how fair everything is between them all.

FC gets set weekly pocket money, plus a set monthly clothing allowance (they also get phone credit and savings and well). On top of that if were out and about FC gets treats and bits and bobs the same as my 2.

My 2 don't get regular pocket money or a set amount of £ for clothes each month. They get money as and when they need it and we buy clothes as they're required.

However, if I ever give one of mine money or buy clothes or anything like that, I get told "it's not fair".

For example, DD1 went to the cinema with friends this morning so I gave her £10. FC sees this and wants their £10, despite having already been given their pocket money today. DD2 was taken on a trip out with a friend and friend's parents earlier in the week so I gave her £5 spends for icecreams or whatever - FC wants their £5. At the weekend, I bought DD1 some new leggings as she needed them, FC wants the equivalent in £ otherwise "it's not fair", despite having already had their clothing allowance this month (which is actually 5 times the amount I spent on DD's leggings)

I think they all get treated pretty equally, if I'm out shopping and see something I think FC will like, I'll treat them, they're included in everything we do, they're never excluded. Our families treat them all the same (for example when my Mum visits, if she brings little presents, she buys for all 3)

I've explained to FC several times that my 2 don't get set weekly pocket money, they don't have mobile phones or clothing allowances, so they're not actually getting anything extra that FC isn't, but FC won't accept it.

With things like pocket money/clothing allowance/phone credit, my FC actually gets far more than my 2 put together and the constant "it's not fair" is beginning to annoy me - actually, no, it's not fair, but not in the way FC sees it

I'm not sure I want to go down the road of regular pocket money for my 2 to be honest, but I can't really see any other way around it

Depends on the age , We tend too make a weekly allowance pay into their account using Family Allowance /child credit as a guide, then they are wholly responsible same applies too our birth children, put any extra into a savings account. for younger children goes into a savings account until we regard them as responsible. This way they should learn the basics of how too manage money. Some older ones have bought their own house, have become secretive ardent saver, car's etc. others was waste of time.

It's a really tricky one. I foster for an IA and presume you do too if you have these mandatory sums. How old is your FC? How long have they been with you and is this a long term placement? I'd handle it differently depending on the circumstances.

Thanks!

Yes, we are with an IA

FC is 16, been with us a couple of months and, if all goes well, will stay until 18

Ah well in that case I can give you an exact example of what we did with our 16 year old FC! We had a meeting with the child's social worker. At 16 she was moved to the leaving care team. We agreed with the new social worker that as part of her growing up, we would pay an allowance monthly, which would include the pocket money and clothing allowance, mobile phone etc. the plan at 18 is for her to move to independent living and the social workers do lots of work around this. It was agreed that she should manage her own monthly money as part of her steps towards independence.

Her savings we pay into a savings account that she is not allowed to dip into, as it's saving for her future. She had a part time job and now an apprenticeship and also does a part time job in the evenings, so she is very focused on accumulating money and growing up. I think it's important to be quite realistic with FCs. My own birth children lived with us til their twenties, the FCs we have had over the years have been looked after, loved and supported, but have not lived with us past 18 and have known that after 16 we were working as a team to move them into successful and sustainable independence.