Contact Advice

[twinkie81]

Hi, I'm looking for some advice on how best to help our long term foster child after contact. She is 9 and has contact 6x a year. She has been thriving with us and making huge leaps forward but after each contact the regression is dramatic. Unable to make even the simplest decision, just not responding when asked a question (rabbit in the headlights), all aspect of self care disappear, leaving the house with no shoes in etc. This lasts for approx 2 weeks after contact and is followed by about 2 weeks of just generally being low before she returns to her usual bubbly self. She is fine at school and coping well.
Is there anything we can do to make this post contact period less stressful and traumatic for her and support her with this regression.
Thanks for any help.

I'm assuming your recording these regressions?

I think contact is the hardest part from a foster carers point of view as it is rarely without negative consequences. We all already know this though.

I had a similar although not as extreme problem and in the end I refused to do contact for that child. I was asked to provide long term care and as I foster carer I am child focused not birth family focused. Obviously there is an obligation that the child has contact but I put that responsibility back on social services as if they wanted the child to go through a detrimental experience then that was going to be on them not me. How is the child suppose to be able to trust their carer if they keep taking them back to visit with their abusers, in my mind it's not appropriate in some cases.

Is your child on a full care order? Does the child want the contact and look forward to it? She might be a little young to voice her opinions still but you can help her with that. In some countries there is no contact after going into care and their fostering outcomes are better than ours.

If your matched long term you should feel empowered enough to stand up to social services if you believe contact is not in the child's best interests.

Good luck :)

One of mine suffered terribly from contact. We recorded everything, every reaction pre and post contact. Then spoke to social workers and guardian about the severity. Child had a therapist in place, so she was also made aware. Eventually they ordered letter box contact only and, when LO is older, possibility of bi-annual contact.

Id also agree with Suzylee - If you do not think contact is right for your LO, then you need to be their advocate on this and make your opinions absolutely clear backed up with documented evidence of the child's reactions.